I’d be fooled to think they cared about me just as strongly, but they didnt. They would use me then leave me. I’m starting to feel useless and not worth being with. I can feel myself becomeing cold and very hateful. I’m starting to change and I dont want to change honestly I am crying while writeing this, with my hoody over my head so my family wont see.
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You are not alone.
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people call me hatefull, and I cant help it anymore.
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What does anyone else know about you?
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Some people are shallow - and unfortunately so far you have met only them - if you start being slightly defensive and cautious in picking out "whom you should care for", you might hit the jackpot in finding the real caring person you are looking for. There are no shortcuts in judging someone but you will learn it through age - just be a bit cautious
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That is really sad. I am sorry you know those kinds of people. Anyone who would let down a friend really isn't a friend to begin with. A true friend is someone who shows you some caring and support when you most need it.
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Thats sad Kristen, have faith and stay true to yourself and someone will come along worth loving.
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The world is cold, but you aren't alone. This seems to happen to alot of people, including myself.
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You know what? I agree with you and I am also hateful, angry, cold, and insensitive. I do believe everyone in the world is very selfish and in fact every pure heart like ours will finally be consumed by greed and selfishness of this world. Everyone up there is trying to persuade you that this world is beautiful, and in fact, everyone single one of them know its not! This world is ugly, its time to grow up and get used to it. Despite the fact that everyone is evil, many of these evils are able to do good things, and one of them is you. You're the fallen angel now, the fact that you dont like yourself to be cold and hateful is because you still have a kind heart and a pure mind. Do you want to get rid of your last piece of thing that once make you proud and happy? Its all up to you now. Be strong! Kristen. I believe in you.
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I live in a very small town. Same people, every day. infact, the last person I though truely cared about me called me a craz* bitc* Monday in the hall way at school..He havent spoke since...I'm so scared of diring alone...I know it may sound like I'm completely dependent on haveing a man in my life, but im really not..I'v been single since Feb. All my friends have boyfriends. I dont do drugs or drink so I dont hang out with that many people from around here. I'v been thinking of suicide, but I cant even do that because that would be selfish, and I would do nothing but hurt my family for the rest of there lives.
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How old are you? Can you move towns?
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I'm 17, and will be going to college next year.
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Well why not use this opertunity to focus on studying and go to college somewhere far way next year
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Its sad but we have all been there. Thats when you have to remember that you are first in your life, you are number one. There are wonderful people out there though, and you will meet them someday. Those people that "left" you honestly probably werent worth your time anyways. And college? I honestly hated my life until I went to college! I hated high school, its a tough place. But college is a whole different world, and you will probably love it, especially if your from a small town! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger is what I always tell myself. And good for you for staying away from the drugs, etc, I know thats a hard thing to do in a high school setting. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you will be okay. But just worry about you for now, you don't need a boyfriend to be happy! And there will be a million guys that you will meet soon in college...Hang in there!
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A change of scenery will definitely help you, so make sure to look forward to that! But, till then, try to live in the moment. If there's nobody true and patient and good enough to care for you around your school, find someone else. Who needs those people, right? Practice having a good time on your own (go out walking (when I feel like this I always find walks helpful), catch a show, check out a gallery, get involved in something), and you will find real, genuine people to care for you and, when necessary, take care of you the way you deserve to be cared for. There are many, many kinds of people in the world, and you will find a handful in your lifetime that are really, truly worth their salt. Make sure you remain such a one yourself...however hard it is, however alone you feel, make sure you always try your best to care for your own self! It's not selfish to do so! Selfishness is loving yourself above all else, and caring only for yourself, above everybody else. Loving and caring for yourself as you would for a friend is a healthy self love...and its actually **** hard to pull off sometimes. If you are depressed in general, and are having a hard time...well, the sad thing is that people who you thought would be there sometimes just scatter away. Even when you have always been there for them, they simply don't see the necessity to reciprocate or even to remember. All they see is that you are down and gloomy and no fun, and they want none of that. Those aren't your real friends, of course. They never were. Those were acquaintances, hang out buddies, whatever. Forgive that, accept that, and move on. Don't turn to anger, resentment, or bitterness (though I know that's a natural response at first, and I certainly am guilty, it never leads to good over a long period of time, never.) Don't turn to self blame either. Look for the beautiful things in life, the beautiful things in you, and the good things in everybody. This world is ugly...it can be so ugly sometimes that its almost hard to imagine. But the best way to rebel against the system, I've found, is to find joys, however little, as often as possible... I hope that helped a little...I know how you feel...I am going through the same kind of thing, and I am trying to take the above advice. It feels right somehow.
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I'm sorry that you ahven't ment anyony that cares..but as you can see many people that you don't know care and they feel bad for you. You just haven't ment hte right people yet..and in collage you will be able to meet lots of new people. Just don't open up to quick. First get to know them and go from there.
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I dont know...today I have been nothing but angry, at everything. I become sad about something then it goes to me being really mad.
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You need a change of scenery, how about a holiday somewhere? Like Spain or somewhere? Granada is Spain is lovely. I think you should focus on your study and savings, so you can attend college elsewhere and get out of that town to meet new people.
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I had hopes my family and I would be moveing, because we were suppose to get an indian house and move out of this dam* town, but no now they are talking about staying in this little **** spot, all the houses around us are ****ing crack houses with nothing but drugys and people who beat there wives its ******* riduculous w ehave the chance to MOVE away from this place, from this **** school system, but no. They just want to setal I cant wait to ******* move. I HATE this **** town and everyone in it.
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more different people, perhaprs every teenager in Oklahoma has to drink and do drugs. But around this town I suppose they do.
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no I dont HAVE to...but last night infact I was hanging out with some of my friends(my best friend my parents hate because she allways turns her back on me, has 2 children, drinks and does drugs) well there were two guys who were 21 and like 6 girls all inder 21, 3 of them 18 and then the other 3(includeing me) under 18, all of them were drinking besides me, I was getting in my car to leave and a police car was behind us, and I was like CRAP...I was going to get into trouble for being with all of them whild drinking, and one of the 21 year old mean ran off into the woods thinking he would be smooth...the officer ended up leting me go since I hadnt been drinking.... Thats what im talking about I have no one to hang out with that I dont have the possiblity of being in that situation.
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it was funny..but wouldnt have been if I had gotten in trouble.
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awwwe thanks Heather =]..I cant wait for college, because I cant wait to meet new people! When I was younger I cried to move to anouther school, simply to meet new people, and in a since try and start over. I plan to travl when ever I get older, after I'm an RN I'll have a job mostly anywhere! Thats a possitive..
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Heather your so great at advice =] possible because you understand what I'm feeling and going threw! Thank you!