Ask:
my bf got married last year but has been off the pill for over 4 yrs. Her and her dh have been trying and in Sept. they attempted artificial insemination. She had to take Clomid and inject meds but it didn't work, due to her low egg reserves the could not even attempt to inseminate. This month she took Prevera to get her period so the could try the other fertility meds at a double dose after she got her period. her period didn't come this time and now she's waiting to hear back from her Dr. to see what the next step is. If this doesn't work she'll need an egg donor or to adopt. My dh and I tried to get pregnant in Sept. as well because I really thought she would too. ( I've had 2 out of my 4 prior pregnancies end, 1 in miscarriage and 1 a partial molar at 4 months when my baby died so my midwife said we should try sooner rather then later since I'm 32 now) I got pregnant, she didn't. I'm very happy to be pregnant but at the same time I cry because I feel so bad for her. She's been my bf since high school and it's so hard to see her struggling like this. I'll be 12 weeks on Wed. and she's coming up to visit on Sat. I know I need to tell her, but I just don't know how. I really don't want to depress her or stress her out even more before she tries for her last round of insemination. Should I tell her Sat. or wait? Advice needed please!
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i was kind of in the same situation. my friend was married and they were trying and having problems...i unexpectedly got pregnant....i told her and she said she was happy but i know deep down it hurt her, but its not your fault. she didnt talk to me for a while but i understood. finally she did get pregnant after almost a year of trying, and she started coming around again. it just hurts the other person trying if you become preg right away and they cant....i was sad that i couldnt call her up and talk to her about what was going on with me but i understood how much it probably hurt her that she couldnt just have one right away like i did.....i would just lay it out on the table....theres not much more you can do for them.
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If she is your friend, she will be happy for you. Be honest with her.
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I went through infertility for 10 years, and it did hurt when someone else got pregnant. I think you should tell her on Saturday, but don't make a big deal about it, and don't be negitive about it. Tell her matter of factly and go on with something else. Don't go on and on about how you want a boy or girl and the doctors visits and stuff. Just say I wanted to tell you that we are going to have an addition in June, and I wanted to be the one to tell you. Leave it at that. Don't be like I'm so sorry to tell you but.... That is just saying you feel pity for her. But do tell her now and don't wait or she'll feel betrayed that you didn't tell her. If you are really friends, she'll be happy for you, even if she is sad for herself.
Tonya
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My dh and I are having trouble getting pg, while his brother and SIL got pg their 1st month of trying, Their little girl is 6mths old and we just met her, partly because of distance, but mostly because I knew how hard it was going to be for me to be around them. Well, I feel like an ass, My husband has missed so much already with his niece. Yes, it wasn't easy, Yes it hurt seeing what I want so badly and isn't coming easy, but it was wonderful to. Seeing the parents so happy and loving on this wonderful little girl. It all made me realize that no matter how long the wait, it will be worth it. And worst case adoption? I'm ok with it. So my point is this. She is your best friend, yes it will hurt, you can't change that. But, it will hurt missing out on sharing this with you to. Let her go at her own pace, by not telling her, your not even giving her the option to share this with you. Your best friends for a reason right?
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I agree with the above post. My dh and I are struggling to conceive, too. It does hurt a little when we hear about people who get pregnant - especially those who have an "oops". But, keeping the news from your best friend would be even worse. If it were me, I would want my friend to tell me about her pregnancy.
Even though it might hurt a little, I imagine she will also be so excited for you, too. Let her have the chance to be a part of your pregnancy - in whatever way she feels comfortable.
You are a good friend to be considering her feelings in this.
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I was in the same boat. I never thought to keep it from my bf until my sil asked if she would be hurt when I tell her. When I did broach the subject with my bf, she expressed happiness for me, and when I mentioned what sil said, which is why I'd held off, she said it would have hurt more not to share such good news. She said I was silly to even consider that she would be upset with me. They ended up adopting a year later and lo and behold, got pregnant after 10 years of trying, three months after the adoption!
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Tell her sooner rather than later. It's going to be tough for her, do it in private.
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I was actually in this situation -- a friend of mine just recently found out she was pregnant after she knew my husband and I had been trying for over a year. She just started trying two months ago! While we have not been through any of the infertility procedures (DH won't have it) I have been doing what I can to help the process and still nothing. She told me right away and at first I was a little jealous to be perfectly honest, but quickly realized it was much more fun to be happy with her, than sad and depressed witout her. If she truly is your best friend, she'll notice how worried you are about telling her and hopefully just be happy for you! Let us know how it goes and Congratulations!!
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Thank you everyone for your responses, I greatly appreciate them. I will go ahead and tell her on Sat. when I see her, it will be hard but I know I have to. She's always talking about seeing pregnant women everywhere and how sad it makes her so I'm sure once I start showing I won't see her as much. She does live 45 minutes away and I usually only see her about every 3 months anyway as her and dh are very busy people. I just feel guilty since I already have 2 children and she doesn't have any yet. thanks again you ladies are great!