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Jnbythesea asked this great question as a part of the thread about 3 questions but it was so good, I thought it was worthy of it's own thread to see what other people do.
For us, we accept the gift as graciously as possible. If the person lives out of town or won't find out we give it away to another family who needs it or would like it or we just pass it on to Goodwill. If the person does live in town then we try and 'display' the item for a few weeks or wear it in front of the person (even if it means just putting it on when they are coming over) and then after a few times, we'll give it away. With toys, if they are really unsuitable or if we have it already, most toy stores will take it back even without a reciept if it is in it's original packaging. (I know the rules of this are changing but we have had success at Toys R Us and Zellers with this.) Or we save it up for next year's "toy drive" that takes new toys for needy kids. Our personal policy is putting people first which sometimes means bringing in way too much over the holidays and graciously accepting it so as not to hurt other people's feelings and then quietly getting rid of everything after the season is over.
How about everyone else?
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We accept the gift with lots of Thank yous.I will not hurt someones feelings over a gift, they obvioulsy thought enough to give it to us in the first place! Some things, like the magic bullet that my Uncle bought us last year stay in the garage and get used well,if we think about it (I used it once). Other things, like the shirts DH mom insists on sending him, might get passed onto another family member that will fit it and or like it. If there is no-one else to give it to, we donate it. Someone somewhere will have a use for it!
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All our relatives live out of state, which makes receiving unwanted gifts a little easier for us. Usually I will return the gift or exchange it for something we would really use, or I save it for a regift for a kids birthday party or pass it on to Goodwill.
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Gosh, I must be doing something wrong, because we just don't receive that many gifts!!!! My mil always sends us a check to buy something for everyone, so we get what we want. This year we sent my parents a detailed list with links and everything because they have so much trouble buying things. My sister usually sends cheap dumb little toys that the kids play with for awhile and then get thrown away. We don't get gifts from aunts, cousins or such!
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Since our parents died we don't get as many gifts, but we still exchange with dh's sister & grown niece, and my two brothers. The last thing I always say to my kids before we enter the house, is that regardless if they alreadys have the item, regardless if they hate the item, regardless if it's the wrong size or color....just say thanks. I always tell them we can exchange it afterwards, so just be polite and say thanks. Can't imagine anyone not doing that.
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OK, maybe I am naive, but I could never imagine not saying thank you when receiving a gift even if it was the worst gift ever! Believe me, I have gotten some doozies from my inlaws, but I always say thank you and smile.
Well, if it is clothing that they might notice, I wear it once. If it is something they won't notice (like pjs) I will give them away. If it is something for around the house, like an appliance we already have, I will take it back to the store or give it away. If it is a toy we already have, I will return it. If it is an unsuitable toy, I will put it aside and give it away on the side.
I hope I have not hurt anybody's feelings in the past, but I won't let me children play with unsafe toys even if the grandparents gave them the toy. My inlaws are NOTORIOUS for buying unsuitable toys for my kids. We say thank you, distract the child with something else and move on.
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We get plenty of "why?" gifts from relatives and friends, and it's easy to be gracious and appreciate their thoughtfulness, even when it's something like hand-wash only wool sweaters from my MIL when we live in SC (avg winter temp in the 60's).
But I get stuck with dh and my own parents- giving me things even though I told them beforehand: No! I DO NOT WANT another baking tin/towel/whatever. I get so discouraged- are they not hearing me? Should I just give up on this battle? I am not ungrateful for the thought- but, you know, with dd's food allergies, I'm really not going to be making any cheesecakes any time soon. I do not want a fancy spring form pan.
I often feel like they are giving me (and the kids) things because they "think" we should have them, or they just like these things themselves and want us to have them- and by, gosh, we are going to get them no matter what. It is frustrating and feels controlling to me. One year my MIL said: Everyone is getting a sweater this year whether they want one or not!. Um- NOT. I felt more like a check mark on her gift list than the recipient of a well meant present.
Just call me Scrooge.
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My kids have been on the other end of this, with giving gifts and having their feelings hurt. It really made me mad to the point where we don't do this anymore.
I started a tradition of the girls when they were little making gifts for in-laws (my family doesn't exchange gifts most struggle to do for their own and I understand). Well the first year we made candles and bath salts etc. and it didn't go over very well. SO the next year we started making ornaments and I tried to make sure it was easy for the girls and yet cute for who was getting them.
Anyway over the years the comments just got really rude and the girls were getting older and I couldn't distract them anymore and their feelings really got hurt. THis just wasn't like dh's sb's but also sd and mom. That was it we no longer make any ornaments for anyone. We make them for ourselves only and no one else. I have every ornament they have made and they are just so cute. But that was not a very nice lesson for them, But they never and I mean never complain about a gift they get.
They have decided to make a scrapbook for mil and sd this year and I just hope nothing mean is said and that if they don't like it for goodness sakes LIE. Because if they make one rude comment this momma just might explode and then I will be the resident scrooge and I would hate to take the title away from dh. He is so much better at it then me
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One should ALWAYS be gracious and grateful when accepting a gift - even if it's a rock. There may be a reason behind it. The rock could be a paperweight or have a key inside it (fake rock), or a special geode. Never know. There are those who, yes, do give thoughtless gifts - we've spoken about it, but we should still be gracious and toss it later. My dh always hurt my feelings with gifts, then would decide to keep them, saying he liked it after all (sometimes). I ALWAYS acted like I liked it (Jayne Kennedy workout album, anyone? It's autographed and was free!), but may have discussed it later with him. I told him to at least act like he likes what I get him now with kids around. What we do with the item later is up to us - we own it then and can use the rock for something else later (whoops, it slipped and hit your window).
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I hate when people are hateful and rude when they receive a gift. Pretend for goodness sake. My mother taught my sister and I at a very young age that you always say thank you and be very polite even if you don't like something. My aunt however never taught her children that or learned it herself for that matter. Her children (my cousins) were always making rude comments about things such as "I don't like it" "thats not the one I wanted" etc. Even my aunt told my mother one time "don't make gifts for my children because they won't like them" Excuse me? Fine how about we don't buy gifts for them either? Geez
If we receive a gift we aren't crazy about dh and I always thank the person and if we know someone else who can use it we will give it to them or donate it to charity. There is no need to be rude about it. Maybe they thought you would love it? So what if they were horribly wrong? lol