Ask:
So I brought up switching from dsl to dialup last night and he got so pixxxx! We can afford it but I figured since he's not taking online classes anymore (going 3x a wk. to comm. college) that it wouldn't be a big deal. Nope. He says we should keep it cause its one of the little luxuries we have. What's the big friggin deal. Anyone else's dh like this. I just want to strangle him sometimes.
Answer:
we have dsl and I have not noticed that it is much slower. Sometimes if its really bussy it might slow down but really we havent noticed it and Im saveing half. You can pick from three edifferent speeds. we have the middle speed and its 32.00 a month.
Answer:
My dh is the same way! He would absolutely refuse to get anything else except for the cable modem! Plus I told him my plan of stockpiling and buying only necessary things and his answer was "You go ahead" I was like aren't you in it with me? He says that I will not be able to handle it! Ughhh! Men! Sometimes I just wanna.............
Answer:
I take it you didn't discuss this particular 'cut' with him prior to putting your plan in action. I could see why he isn't supportive. Most of us like to be consulted. What if he suddenly decided the washing machine had to go? After all, you have two hands and a bathtub ...
Okay, I'm being a little extreme, but this is why I suggest that couples do NOT start with discussing financial changes until they have sat down to envision together the lifestyle they want for their entire family. Individually, you and hubby can sit down and write out what values in life you hold most dear. Then compare lists and make a 'family values' chart. Once you have outlined your values for the family - together - prioritize those values. For instance, if your marriage is more important than you religious life then when hubby is sick on Sunday, you'll decide to skip church to give him comfort and assistance. This step usually takes a lot of discussion.
Once the priority list is in place, decide together what changes you can make in how your spend your life day-to-day to get yourself living according to those values. If slaving away over the bills is detracting from your family life or working overtime to pay-off credit card debt is hurting your marriage, then you'll discuss ways to make changes in how you're spending money to erase those stresses.
When you and your spouse see how making a small change like cancelling cable TV will directly benefit both of you in a way that means you can live according to what you value most (less TV = spending more time riding bikes together). If your husband could see that giving up the 'luxury' of a high speed internet connection would benefit him in other ways, (being able to work less, perhaps), then he might be more supportive of the decision.
Answer:
Sorry to hear you aren't getting the support you were hoping for. It's tough when one people has a plan and the other sees it differently.
I have to agree with Cookie on this one and it's based on my own experience.
My hubby tends to panic about money if I suggest cutting back. He automatically thinks we are going to lose the house! Even if it's just to create more of a financial buffer, he gets worried.
Instead, I get energized about how I saved or what I did to stretch the money. I tell him that I find it more of a game, and with the money we saved, we can do this, or do that....
Now he is on board for sure and supports me in MOST of my endeavors.
I have to admit, cable modem was never up for discussion as he spends a ton of time on the internet (not to mention he is a programmer so computers are his life). I figure if I make sure he doesn't feel like he is cutting back or missing out, everything else falls into place.
Maybe ease your hubby into the plan by doing what you can that he wouldn't care about. I bet you'll find that he comes up with more ideas after he sees the little successes!
Good luck!
Answer:
I think it's hard for spouses to always agree on money matters. Dh and I are usually very compatible, but we do both have our weaknesses. He works downtown and eats lunches out fairly regularly which bugs me. I, on the other hand, have a weakness for clothing both for myself and the kids which he doesn't understand. As long as you agree on the BIG financial picture (like how much home to buy, 401Ks, investing, vehicles, etc.) sometimes you have to let those little things slide.
Answer:
You are not alone, my dh is not supportive at all. He hates it when I even use coupons. We got into a fight tonight about a pork loin at costco, we already had $100 worth of meat in the cart and I have a coupon for $5 off the pork loin he likes that starts next week. Couldn't he wait until next week so I could save $5!?! Not like we need it this week, Makes sense right! NO oh my god he threw a fit and left me there and went to the car just b/c I mentioned waiting for my coupon. BTW I didn't buy the d*** thing, yes to keep peace I just should have bought it but he made me so mad!
Answer:
Totally off topic (sorry!) but Stacia I LOVE your signature lines. I love those Eleanor Roosevelt quotes, especially the one about Happiness being a by-product. I just read an entire article about that, and it's driving me crazy that I can't remember where.
Answer:
thanks for all your advice girls! I think I just might give in to this one and let him have his dsl. When I mentioned to him about possibly switching he immediately brought up me going back to work. Not that I'm lazy but i firmly believe we are better off w/ me staying home. He always knows how to push my buttons.
Answer:
Originally Posted by hschmid
thanks for all your advice girls! I think I just might give in to this one and let him have his dsl. When I mentioned to him about possibly switching he immediately brought up me going back to work. Not that I'm lazy but i firmly believe we are better off w/ me staying home. He always knows how to push my buttons.
If he brought up you going back to work- you should let him know how much daycare costs, then you will spend more $ on gas and car milage, or don't forget your work clothes. Also if the kids get sick you would have to figure out who is going to stay home with them.
It is one thing to try to discuss budget cuts to save money- but to think that the sah spouse going back to work is going to save money is wrong. I figure the more you make the more you spend on unnecessary stuff.