Ask:
If you have a friend or family member whose child seems to have an undiagnosed issue, would you speak up, without being condescending? Would you research first? Especially for a first time mom, with nothing to compare to, you may be helping. Where do you draw the line on who and why?
Answer:
Is this something you noticed while caring for the child yourself (babysitting) or is this something you noticed when watching her child interact with others?
If I was watching someone else's child and suspected something, that I Had experience dealing with (special needs), I would ask the mom a few questions. I would say "have you noticed if so and so does this...." and then additional follow up ones too.
Depending on the age of the child and the severity of the problem if I were you, I would bring it to her attention.
Answer:
Yes I think I would speak up. But just once, and if I was met with "confrontation" I would drop it and apologize. If I was met with a positive conversation I would do all I could to help.
My sister and I are obviously older, but I just had someone tell me about a personality disorder that she may have. I researched it and brought it to my parents attention. Because it is so hard dealing with her. No one really wants to talk about it, so I just dropped it. But is has helped me deal with her a lot better. I don't get so upset, knowing that maybe there isn't anything she can do about the way she acts, because she doesn't know any better.
Answer:
I bring it up because as a first time mom, I just knew something was not right, but the Dr. kept telling me ds was fine. Others assured me he was fine, just hyper. Others suggested ADHD. It was only through the gentle suggestion that I could have him tested through the school district that I was able to find an opening and answers, leading to real resources. If I didn't have those two friends, I hate to think of what would have happened in kindergarten. He's now in first grade doing wonderfully, but he has some accommodations, such as help during testing for awhile. I'm grateful someone spoke up to me, not behind my back.
Answer:
I wouldn't bring it up myself but if they bring up specific concerns, I'd probably encourage them to check it out 'just in case'.
I've had people gently encourage me to have ds tested. I've appreciated it when it comes from people who work with special needs kids, or have a SN kid, or who have a lot of experience with special needs, but not just from other Moms who have no experience or have 'read and article' and think they have my son figured out.
I have two friends that are both in 100% denial. I wish I could break through but they both feel judged when people talk about their sons.
Answer:
I said something with my sisters child. Well me and another sister. We noticed our nephew was not right. He was 6 months old and we just sat her down and said we want you to just ask a few questions from the dr. This was her first child and she had no one to compare him too. She also lived 3 hours from my other sister and their kids were a month apart. She sat her son next to my niece and then she new. Long story short he was finally tested with a MRI and they found his brain deformity. I don't remember the name pretty rare in boys I guess. They would have figured it out later but it was good the dr said to find out early and start therapy right away. He is doing great now and talks some and does better than my daughter. With freinds I might not say to much but would confirm thier ideas if they thought somthing was wrong. If I felt real strong I might suggest a dr visit.
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I am having this prob with my nephew. I am almost positive he is autistic, but there is no way i could tell my sil who is like my best friend. I just dont know what to do.
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I really don't think I could say anything. As a teacher, I have been on the brunt of parents being QUITE upset that bring up concerns. I just don't think I could say anything to a friend or family member. If an opinion is asked, I will be glad to help and do whatever I could do. But until I am asked, I think I would say nothing.
Answer:
WOO...been in this situation.... and I vote NO, don't say it, ESPECIALLY if you have your own special needs kid. My son has CP, it has always been relatively obvious that he was not "normal." Our best friends son is 6 months older than ours, and seemed fine other than that he was not talkative and antisocial. DH and I knew right away something was up. Knew it, just knew it! We had both worked with autistic kids and could see it. We debated to say something but decided against it. First of all, their relatives were saying why wasn't he talking and they (they boy's parents) were very defensive and resistant to follow up with anything. At one point they asked if we thought something was wrong with him. We said " Well, a lot of kids are talking more by this age but there is always a range of normal. Ask your doctor."
Our reasoning: Had we mentioned it or given our true thoughts on it, they would have said "Just because your kid has problems, you think everyone's does." DH and I both agreed that's how they would respond. That's how they are.
Anyhow, they waited forever to follow-up on anything the doctor suggested. Eventually no daycare would take him so they went to the school board. Turned out he does have autism. He is a sweet kid and although not very verbal (he is now 9) he has come a long way. No tantrums and will come up and be quite social in his own way. Mostly thanks in part to his own strength and the grace of God, he is doing well in my opinion.
Answer:
No I wouldn't. If she is not ready to hear something like that, she's going to get mad at you.