Ask:
We call our ds "the Professor" (which he loves) because he knows so much about ancient history and he wants to be a history professor when he grows up.
I have been trying to find information online about SN adults and what they can / can't do in terms of a career choice. I feel like since finding out our son has a SN, that there has been a bit of a death of a dream; grieving over the future and what this will mean for him.
Do any of you have any experience with SN adults and what kind of a adulthood they can have. Are there career limits? Do they tend to marry? Have children? Do they pass on their genetic conditions to their kids? I know that no one can tell me the future but it just seems so uncertain when I don't know any SN adults.
Answer:
We have some 'friends' from ds's soccer team. Everyone in the group strongly believes that the dad has Aspergers. He is an engineer, highly intelligent, but has quirks and finds it difficult to just chit chat. He is always on the periphery, never really interacts with anyone. Anyway, it's just the opinion of the other parents, but if it is true ((no one has ever asked, and I don't know if the diagnosis existed when he was a kid...)) he is married, successful, has 2 children. He's just quirky. Very nice, but quirky.
There have been articles/programs about adult aspergers I remember hearing... someone was telling me there are a lot of engineers etc... with undiagnosed aspergers. I have no facts or anything, it's just what I have heard.
Answer:
Absolutely. It's rumoured Steven Spielberg and Einstein had/have Aspergers. They can be highly successful! However, as you are aware, tunnel vision is common, as are social problems - many are loners. That's where they need their coaching. They really don't make great managers, but are put in that position due to their intelligence and perfectionism. Problem is, they expect the same of others to a fault.
I had had the same question, and actually found only a few sites about adults with Aspergers. What's funny is how arrogant they come across, although they don't mean to. They don't understand the social mores - why waste time with small talk at a party or on the phone? They have time issues - why leave early just to stand in line? A few I'd seen are doctors (inventors are common, too), but as you can imagine, they have to be very aware of, and work on their bedside manners. Many college professors thrive with Aspergers - they are usually the intelligent ones, math or sciences - this of the character in A Beautiful Mind.
This is why I am working so hard to understand my son's weaknesses and strengths and get help where needed. He is always going to struggle with conventional test taking - thank God they make accommodations nowadays for kids with differences. I am concerned, however, when he gets to college. Right now, we are his advocate. There will be a time when he needs to take over that role, and the outside world tends to listen to adults (parents) more than a student saying what he needs. Same with employment. My son is fidgety and may always need a special rubber cushion to help him sit still.
Bottom line is, as long as his differences are not ignored or demeaned, which was common in the 60s and 70s, and social coaching is given, I do think that, although they will struggle in areas, they will thrive once they find their groove. A square peg shouldn't be forced in a round hole. But square pegs, even with their sharp corners, are very useful. Also, these kids are so bright (we call ours Little Professor and often (between ourselves, of course), the Absent Minded Professor because he's so forgetful. He has even tried to leave the house once without his pants. Thought he was wearing shorts because he felt his underwear was on.), that when taught the social customs he needs to follow, they will follow them, although they don't agree with them.
Can you tell I feel passionate about this/ I also think it would be interesting to see how two kids w/Aspergers play together - they both want to be the leader and become obsessed w/goals. My son has a friend w/ADD, and they are wonderfully calming to each other. I actually wonder if she's Aspergers, too, because of her tunnel vision, not caring what other kids are doing, etc., but I'm not around her enough. She's a little doll.