Ask:
I was wondering if having a SN child has brought you closer to God or mad? I was mad for so long and now after a year I am just starting to see things a bit differently. I am still mad but now pray to help me with the anger.
Has your relationship changed with God since finding out your child is SN and how?
Answer:
I don't know why he chose me, but perhaps he really didn't. I think it's hereditary, in my case.
However, I'm thankful he gave me not only a child, but a bright, healthy, loving, sensitive child who has differences. He gave me a lifelong challenge. Compared to things other children and parents have gone through, I actually feel pretty lucky. I couldn't ask for a better sensitive big brother to his little sister.
I can understand anger, but God is also there to help us get through. I decided not to place blame or have anger, but rather to work toward coping and dealing with the problem. Note that I didn't say fix - there isn't a fix. And if there's any way I can help others during my journey, I hope I can. For all the bad I've been through in my life, and there's been plenty, I do have an awful lot of good. Thank you for helping me notice that today, a day when I really needed that thought.
Answer:
I never was mad at god for dd's sn. I was grateful she lived. Traumatic birth. However, after the dust settled and she is living and going to school, and I'm tired, I have been mad at the disability. I have found myself wanting her to be normal, not to have all these struggles, missing all the milestones she should have, wanting her to talk. I know in my heart god did not do this, my imperfect DNA did. God gives me the ability to cope, a bible to turn to and 24 hours to pray to him. So if anything, I feel closer to him, I see all the wonderful things he has made, plants, animals, sun, rain, and I know he loves us. I seek him out more, I am more aware of him. I have learned more about him, and his thoughts.
Answer:
No I've never been mad at God for giving me four distincly unique beautiful children. 3 of my girls have SID. One of them also has a learning disability, ADHD, ODD, a mood disorder and depression and we are discovering new issues on a monthly basis lately. I also have another daughter with severe anxiety issues. The 2 youngest so far have only been diagnosised with SID but they are 3 & 1. I guess I am still angry at myself that I somehow wasn't able to produce "normal" childen.
But I now realize that I have pulled away from God because I'm so tired and so much is on my shoulders. I work, schedule and take the girls to all appointments, I deal with the school and friends issues, I pay bills and make the budget, I by groceries and meal plan. It's my responsibilty to make sure the house is clean, clothes are washed and put away and supper is made. I get angry at my DH because I have let him put so much responsiblity on my shoulders. I have however in the last couple of months been saying a silent prayer when things start to spin aout of control and I am tryin to make a conscious effort to thank God when things go right. I would like to start going to church again but we need to find a church community that we feel comfortable in and then I need to find the time to go.
Answer:
If anything I have become much closer. I am less into organized religion due to some (many) responses I got once my son was born. But I feel very close to God. I have asked "why" a lot but never was really mad. For me, having a sn child brought into amazing clarity, that no matter how much we plan and control things....the ultimate control lies far from our grasp....that's just my opinion.
Answer:
I think I'd have to say, both, depending on the day. I definitely try to feel that God chose me and my DH and blessed us with a child who has SN but there are days I feel like the cross is just too much to handle.
As you all know, our highs are high and our lows are low. There are days I would kill for "average" or "uneventful". I dread IEP meetings, report cards, parent/teacher conferences, special places that issue free things for every A on your report card in June.
Yes, I'd say both. Trust me, one of the first things I plan to do after I cross over is ask Him "why". I believe that He has an answer and a plan, I just haven't found it yet.