Ask:
How do I punish dd when she doesnt seem to care. Spanking doesnt bother her and I dont like it. Time out doesnt bother her either, it use to work but now she doesnt care. So what do I do? I can take her favorit toys away but what happens when I run out of things to take and how long do I keep them from her?
Answer:
I keep them away for the rest of the day. Have you tried putting her in a chair, in the same room as you, where she can't talk, either sits on her hands or has to put them on her lap, for four minutes? I also used bribery. If he was good, didn't do things like ...list what she does bad, he would get a present. Hey, it worked.
Also, when I take the toy away, I put it up high, but where it's visible as a reminder. Yes, he gets obsessed, but the reminder helps. My refrigerator is the toy's time out. I also would give myself a time out - he hated that because he couldn't come in.
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giveing your self a time out is funny Ill try it sometime.
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I send my daughter to her room for timeout. She does not llike the separation from the rest of the house. I tried to do time out in the corner or a chair and she would just scream. Now she will protest but if she doesn't get in there by the time I count to 5 she gets another 5 minutes. I have a wind up timer that shows her how long and she understands that 10 is longer. I haven't needed to go to 15 minutes yet. It is the most effective tactic so far.
Answer:
IMO time out does bother her- I think our kids are smarter than us sometimes LOL
She knows that you probably get upset and she knows how to act to make you think that she does not care. Take her toy away and put her in timeout- set the timer and do not talk to her or have her talk. Who cares if she says- she does not care about. Just do it.
My 6yr old tells me all the time- he does not care- but if I tell him to watch out or he will be in time out- boy does he stop acting bad!
Good luck- I have all boys and my friends with girls tell me all the time how lucky I am that girls are hard
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If my 4 year old DD needs an attitude adjustment (which she does a lot!) I usually tell her to go up to her room until she's ready to be nice. Sometimes she's up there for 1 minute, other times she's up there for 15 minutes. She sets the time herself but if she comes down and says she's ready to be nice and she doesn't act that way, I send her right back up. It has worked really good for her!
Answer:
Originally Posted by BlueJay
IMO time out does bother her- I think our kids are smarter than us sometimes LOL
She knows that you probably get upset and she knows how to act to make you think that she does not care. Take her toy away and put her in timeout- set the timer and do not talk to her or have her talk. Who cares if she says- she does not care about. Just do it.
I agree! After having what she's doing interupted constantly having to go to time out while the rest of the world goes on she 'll do better. Choose your discipline and stick to it. Kids can be master manipulators!
Answer:
I agree w/one of the other suggestions, too, and forgot. Let your child know she's in charge of when time out is over - when she is ready to act like a little lady, be quiet or whatever is the problem. It teaches them self-control, and it means more having the promise to be good to come from them, rather than having them just "doing the time".
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DD is sent to her room for 5 minutes. Always works, and doesnt happen often.
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Having a child with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder / , I can re-assure you that sometimes a time-out doesn't work with children. To my little one, a time-out is a vacation. She would misbehave to purposely be told to go to her room so she could be alone.
So, the consistency is that she WILL get a consequence, but so she can't decide that she'd rather take whatever I can dish-out in exchange for the privilege to do whatever she wants, I let her know that I'm not telling her what the consequence will be but she definately will NOT enjoy it. In other words, some children can be master manipulators. They decide the 'punishment' isn't so bad and the misbehaving is worth suffering through it.
Okay, so what does a parent do? Well, first of all, focus on DISCIPLINE, not punishment. We want to teach them self-discipline so they can make better decisions the next time. Teaching self-discipline takes a lot of self-discipline on our part. WE are the ones who have to be creative about the consequences and consistent on making sure the consequence exists.
There were times when DD and I would have a 'battle royale'. I would take everything off the schedule for the day and do nothing but focus on DD's behavior until she 'got it'. She had to do what I said, the first time I said it, everytime. If she didn't behave she would have to sit on a chair silently facing me for one minute of every year of her age. After that, she would still have to do what I wanted. If she refused, she sat like that for more minutes. If she wasted the whole day just sitting and not having fun, that was okay with me. It never got to that, though, because I got to have fun while she was sitting there being silent. I got to watch my TV programs (her back was turned to the TV). I got to knit, do my nails, read a book, and whatever I wanted. We've had maybe three battle royales in her lifetime and she's actually a pretty good little girl. We might have another in the future but the more verbal she is, the less they will be needed.
Natural consequences:
- She hits. Then if she is at a playdate, she has to go home immediately. If she has a friend over, that friend has to go home immediately.
- She doesn't finish dinner. She goes to bed immediately and she goes to bed hungry.
- She doesn't clean her room. She can't do anything else until that room is clean.
- She doesn't finish her homework. She goes to school without it done and suffers the consequences on her grade - perhaps doing twice the homework the next night.
Try to remind her that the moment SHE DECIDED to misbehave was the moment SHE DECIDED to accept the consequence.
One time a neighborhood girl came over to see if DD could play. She couldn't play because we were getting ready to go to a movie. I explained that to the friend then walked away to finish up while DD said goodbye to her friend at the door. Next thing I know I hear whispered voiced and I find out the DD allowed her friend in the house and hid her! I was fit to be tied!!! I sent her friend home immediately. The I told DD that the moment she decided to sneak her friend into the house was the moment she decided to not go to the movie with me. Oh my goodness! She screamed. She cried. You would have thought I was torturing her. But it was her decision and her responsibility. We didn't see that movie until it came out on DVD. How sad. I really wanted to see it, too.