Ask:
I was going to post this under "What else have you done to simplify other than declutter" but I thought it could be an entirely new thread.
I've been trying to simplify my friendships and social obligations. At this point in my life (forgive me if this sounds snobbish), life is too short to waste on friendships that aren't meaningful. I am trying to focus on developing friendships with a small number of people who share my values, and that I REALLY enjoy being with, rather than "keeping up" with a larger social network of acquaintances. I've turned down invitations that I normally would have accepted. I've tried to invite moms for coffee that I really want to get to know better. For me personally, I'd rather have a fewer number of close friends than a whole bunch of sort-of friends. KWIM?
Answer:
Oh I totally agree Kim!
Answer:
I absolutely agree with this. I have simplified my friendships quite a bit. I no longer spend time with several "friends" because they are not married and engage in things I don't want to be associated with. And have started to make an effort to become friends with the wives of my dh's friends since dh and his friends like for us all to get together a lot.
My dilemma is with my best friend. She and I have been best friends since Kindergarten! Seriously. But lately I haven't wanted to spend a lot of time with her. She has other friends that I don't get along with so that limits our time together b/c I won't subject myself to her snotty friend. Plus her marriage isn't something that I am a fan of. I hate the way her and her husband are to each other...not all the time but on occasion. She and I used to live together so I saw a lot of it first hand. I feel so bad for not spending more time with her, but I just don't think we are friend material now.
I think you can grow out of a friendship over time. I have started thinking "If I had just met this person would I want to be their friend?" That has helped me simplify my list of "friends".
Answer:
I agree! I have always been a person who cherishes a few close friends rather than a lot of meaningless relationships. Often I have found the meaningless relationships to be a bit draining and unhealthy.
I like to spend a lot of quality time with my immediate family.
Answer:
OOOOOOOOOoooooooooohhhhhhhhh ya. I agree and have done exactly that! We definitely live by the "life is too short" motto and make time for those who truly want to spend their value time with us. They come from all walks of life and "social" backgrounds. These are people who would be there in the drop of a hat, and we in turn would be there for them.
I know of two specific people in my life that we no longer have contact with, and things are so much more simple and peaceful without their toxic attitudes.
Answer:
We do this as well. And, it seems that every so often we have to step back and reevaluate. My being sick these past six months has caused us to "weed" our garden of friends. That has allowed the most beautiful of flowers to grow! Sometimes we become so busy tending to all the little weeds, we forget to water the flowers! One of my goals in my first blog entry for this year is to make more time for my friends, my real friends. It is so easy to become busy maintaining acquaintances that I forget to foster true friendships. Something I really plan to work on.
Answer:
I do this as well. I have a few friends that I see or talk to on the phone, but other than that I would rather spend time with my family.
Answer:
I have done this. I ended a friendship that was draining. It wasn't easy (I still enjoyed the gal's company and conversation, and our kids were friends) but I am glad I did it. I can't have someone in my life who continually lets me down, hurts me and who isn't trustworthy.
Answer:
I really agree with this also! I have friends from high school that I would try so hard to call and get together with because we had been friends for so long. But, we don't have a lot in common, they don't really call me much and we really struggle to have a conversation. So I haven't made an effort to call them anymore. Guess what? They haven't called me either! I also have started to realize that I don't have to be great friends with everyone of my kids friends parents. I also really want to hang out and be around people that are good for me. I know that when I hang around with a friend that is so negative and critical all the time that I just feel the same way and I don't like that.
Answer:
I agree with the friend thing totally! I also do it with FAMILY! yes, family. My Mother gives me total heartache over this, but I do it anyway. I stopped going above and beyond to see amily members that don't so the same. I decided that I was tired of the one sidedness of many family memebers. Since doing this, I have not laid eyes on my Aunt, Uncle, and 3 cousins and all thier children in over 7 years. Not that I don't want to see them, but I had been the one to drag my family across the state for many years and I was tired of being the only one. I decide they were going to have to make the next trip. It never happed...so we don't see each other. This year I took it a step further and stop getting in on the family Christmas gifts to them and thier children. Next year they will not even be on my Christmas card list. The same with my entire Dad's sid of the family. Non of them make an effort, we do no see eye to eye on anything, and honestly they are rude toxic people. So, next year they will not be getting cards either. I just am done wasting my time and energy on people that don't give a ****. So, yes, I understand and also take part in simplifying BOTH friends and family.