Ask:
The back story here is that ds1 was a very early preemie and has cerebral palsy as a result.
He had a dr. appt today and we decided to go ahead with another surgery over the summer. We have had several opinions on this. Ds knew this is what we were going in for.
WEll, on the ride home he became hysterical, screaming, crying, cursing, he hates God, he hates his life, he wants to be normal naturally and not need to be fixed all the time....etc. My heart was breaking for him and I just let him go b/c I figured he had a right to be upset. I tried to comfort him as he calmed down (dh was driving) and at one point I said something about how these things happen for a reason and it was no one's fault. Well, he looked right at me and said "it's not dad's fault, but ..." (pointing at me) "YOUR FAULT! You made me this way! You couldn't even make me right!"
Okay, I started crying. Not the best response. Then he apologized (on his own). This is a real issue for me, that I even went to therapy to work through. I blamed myself for a long time. I never have taken a drug, I was in good physical shape when I had him; I caught Fifth's disease from a student at 11 weeks and was monitored until week 24. I got the all clear, yet only 3 weeks later he was born. There was an infection in the fluid and every doc believes it was a complication from the Fifth's.
Part of me thinks he was just venting; for instance he said he hated God and I know he doesn't. BUT - I keep thinking in the back of his mind he will blame me forever.
Then another part of me feels defensive: Does he really think I would have chosen all his problems just for the fun of it? And thinking that makes me feel really guilty and just disgusting all over for even thinking that.
Ohhhh....It is always something with this boy.....
Answer:
Oh sweetie, he was just venting. It has to be so hard on all of you. You know in your heart he didn't mean to hurt you with what he said, he just needed to be mad at someone and it was you that was sitting right there. You are also the safest one to be mad at because you are his mother and he knows you will love him unconditionally. I'm sure he IS sorry he said such a thing. You can't beat yourself up over what happend. Things are what they are and I know you couldn't love your son more. You are a good mom. Please don't let that keep ringing in your ears. Big hugs and prayers to heal both of your hearts.
Answer:
Thanks I know he was just upset. Which I can certainly understand. Like I tell my dh all the time, I would not want to walk a day in my son's shoes. I am not mad at him, the whole thing just makes me kind of sad. It just really tapped into me those feelings that I wish I could have done better by him. Thanks for your kind words.
Answer:
Oh, hon, I am so sorry. That one really cuts to the quick. He wants to blame someone, and he's so young. It's not anyone at fault, sometimes things like this happen, and you have a very special child. I am so sorry. Maybe it's something he's wanted to get out in the open, so it's up for discussion. He just wants to understand why, when there are some things we have no answer for. There's nothing in the world you could have done. People have done things perfectly and still something happens (I've had issues w/both of my kids, and I didn't do anything to cause them). You did the right thing, letting him vent. He sounds like a scared little boy. Thank God he has you for a parent. Not all parents open up their hearts so much.