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I'm not normally such an emotional person, but I feel like I need to talk!
I'm going back to work next week and totally dreading it! There are so many things that I'm feeling: I miss being pregnant, I miss how small my baby was when he was first born (I've already had to put away all his newborn clothes they're too small), I don't want to go back to work because he is so young, I'm worried about money (daycare will be about 1/2 of dh's income for the month!), I feel fat, and generally very emotional! I took my first trip out by myself last weekend and began bawling my eyes out!! It's amazing to me to realize how much my priorities have changed since ds was born. When I was pregnant I thought that our lives would be the same but with an extra tiny member of the family. Naive, I know. Now, I absolutely love being a mom!
Is anyone else feeling the same way?
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I think what your feeling is completly normal. Is there a possiblity that you could either take additional time off or become a SAHM?
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I was in the exact same boat as you with my first. I went back after 8 weeks, went to nurse him during my lunch hour and rushed to pick him up. It was so expensive! In truth, as dedicated as I was to my job before I had him, I just lost that drive for it. When he was 9 months old, after he had surgery, I'd had enough. It was really tough.
Have you done a cost analysis to see if it was actually costing you to work, as your tax bracket is usually higher, commuting costs, lunch costs, clothing and cleaning costs, daycare and sick baby costs (hand in hand), etc.? Not to mention that you will need your weekends and evenings to play catchup at home.
Can you go to work part time?
If quitting is not an option, just know that while you'll feel like one, you are not a part-time mom (my huge complaint at the time). You are a full-time mom. Still a mom 24 hrs a day, and you are doing what is needed for your family's success. Either way, you are doing what is best for your child. If you have to go back, can you ease into it part-time at first? My boss let me take off early certain days, and because my son didn't do well in daycare, always getting sick, etc., I had to leave early. I was still dedicated to my job on the surface, so my work still got done and didn't suffer. I actually left when my entire department was being moved across country and I had already decided I wanted to step down from Mgmt. for awhile. I wasn't thrilled w/what my new job would be. After I started exploring staying home, they offered me another position at almost twice what I was making. My dh so wanted me to take it, but it would have involved a lot of travel. Nuh uh. Not w/a young baby! Can you imagine being away overnight so often? He now agrees that, as tough as it was financially (and still is), my staying home was the best choice for us.
Your feelings are completely normal. The only cure is to try it, give it some time, and see how you feel. But listen to your instincts. If your daycare doesn't feel right, there are plenty others out there. If you can get one close to your office so you can visit during lunchtime, it will help you feel better (baby adjusts either way). Enlist your dh's support, and don't be afraid to let him know that you simply feel differently than you did - you carried this baby and your umbilical cord is still attached, metaphorically speaking. See if perhaps you can work only 3-4 days. The other thing suggested to me, which helped a lot, was to start on a Thursday. That way, you only have two days to go.
Most of all, take care of yourself. A new baby is stressful in the best of circumstances (unless, of course, you're Britney Spears and simply hand your baby off to nannies while you party). Give yourself a break. Eat and drink right and try to get plenty of rest. DH has to get up at night, too! Enjoy your baby - that laundry will be there when you get a chance (or train dh to do it). And know that many of us here have been where you are, and we can relate.
By the way, I had the illusion my life would be the same after having a baby, too; that he would fit into my life. Ha Ha Ha! They teach you not to have solidly laid plans, don't they! You have to let go of that illusion, it will help. You are a new person. You didn't just add mom to your title. You became one. Just remember to keep some of the old you, too, because you are more than a mom, also.
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I have two kids and I beleive what you are feeling si normal. remember your hormones are all over the place and take months to settle back down. You want to protect your child, you want to nurture your child. You know he is small and vulnerable.
However, sometimes moms have other priorities too. If you need to work financially, then there is no harm in that, nobody will judge you, nobody will say you are a bad mother for going to work. You have to leave the baby to go out sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that.
All the feelings about feeling fat ect, are all normal I went through it too.
Just monitor yourself and see if you do get out of the slump, if not you might need to see the Dr. for Post partum depression.
Also try going back to work, if you really cant do it, and there is a way for you to stay home, maybe talk to your husband and see what works for you.
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Reading your post brought back so many memories of me after I had my first baby. What you are feeling is NORMAL. You've already gotten some wonderful advice from those that posted before me. Come here anytime you need support! God bless!
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Sending big hugs your way. If you're not ready to leave the baby I'd look into getting a few more weeks, returning PT for a few weeks, or becoming a SAHM. You might also talk to your doc - you may be experiencing some PPD.
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Your Feeling are normal feelings for a loving mommy. I felt the same way when my 1ds was born. I didn't want to go back to work. I ended up staying home for 12 weeks with the FMLA. & for the 1st month I only worked 3 days a week. That kind of helped me get in the groove of things. Do you have to return to work for financial reasons? You may want to weight out how much you will actually be bring to the family after you pay for child care. See if it is worth it. Good Luck. Everything will fall into place.
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I completely understand from where you are coming from. My dd will be turning one in a week and I remember how hard it was to go back to work (I took off 8 weeks). I started thinking about it the first week of my maternity leave and would cry thinking about going back in seven weeks. I spent most of the time trying to figure out a way to be a SAHM, but we couldn't do it fininacially. It took me a good six months, before I could make thru a week without crying when I dropped her off at daycare, and I knew she was being taken well care of. I still have hard days. I went back to work part time the first two weeks back and it was working so well, I decided to ask my boss if I could cut back my hours to 30 hours a week instead of 40, and he was totally fine with that. I realize not all situations are like this, but it's worth a shot. The reason I am still working is because of some consumer debt we have and now have a plan of action to have that paid off in less than a year. I am very determined to be a SAHM, even if I have to take in a couple of kids for some extra income. Every new mom goes thru this, it is so normal. It does take some time to feel okay, although you may never be happy about leaving your child with someone else. Best of luck!! Explore your options, you may be surprised!
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I'm wondering if it is possible to be a SAHM? Have you considered it?
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You'll find lots of support and great advice here!!