Ask:
Topic for discussion ....
What would you do if your child came to you and said " I want to go live with Dad (or Mom)" ?
How would you handle this??
Answer:
When my DS was 13 he told me he wanted to live with his Dad. I sat him down and told him that I loved him very much and wanted him to be happy, if he thought he would be happier at his Dad then he needed to talk with his Dad about it. He called his Dad and told him he wanted to live with him, his Dad asked him why, DS didn't like the rules at my house, his Dad told him the rules would be the same at his house. In the end DS decided to stay with me. I think DS was testing me.
Through all of this I stayed very calm on the outside but on the inside I was dying, I would have never let DS go, the situation at his Dad's is not good, I left my Ex because he beat the crap out of me fairly regularly.
Answer:
I am a single mother of two sons ages 19 & 17, however when my EH left they were 15 & 12. I have sole custody of our sons he didn't want to be bothered with them because he "wanted" a life w/GF and our sons got in the way of this. It was never an option for our sons to go & live with their father. Early in our separation he made it clear they couldn't live w/him. As soon as our divorce was final he moved to where GF lived and then they moved to FL. My sons were teens & loved there HS & friends so I don't think they would of asked to live with their Dad. Looking back I am very thankful it was never an issue for me. My EH's choice to not be a regular part of our sons lives is truly his loss, they are wonderful young men.
to you from me from one single mom to another.
Answer:
I had full custody of my 3 but have went through the --I want to live at Dads--have even had them leave--believe me it was the worst thing to ever happen to me--but they came back --Every time. Now we have full custody of sdd (Her mother gets 3 hrs every 2 weeks supervised). I know without a doubt this time will come, she is only 6 now but her mother lies to her and promises so much-- sdd has always been bought --all her life it has been the grandparents --my dh's family, and my dh trying to out do each other. Now she expects it.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Bucsnpats
What would you do if your child came to you and said " I want to go live with Dad (or Mom)" ?
Honestly, I would be devastated. My boys are 8 yo (almost 9) and I am newly separated (only 2 months now). I have physical custody but they go to His house every other weekend. He is so busy trying to enjoy his new freedom that DSs definitely crimp his style. Once reality hits ex-dh, then I might worry, but hope and pray that my boys realize that love and stability at my house trump the chaos that is ex-dh's life.
Answer:
My kids haven't actually said this to me. It is just something that I worry about. Especially as they get older. When the teen/parent fights really start happening. Because we all know that parents don't know anything when looking through the eyes of a teen.
I know I shouldn't worry about something that hasn't happened yet. But in this kind of situation it is hard not too.
All of your responses are very interesting. Thank you for sharing!!
Answer:
even tho my son is only 3, i think about this happening in the future....quite a ways a way...i would be DEVASTATED!!! i just dont agree with some of the things that go on at his house...which im sure in return he doesnt agree with what goes on in my house. we were raised totally opposite...i was raised to be independent, he was raised being waited on hand and foot by mother...and still is to this day. im rambling...hope i made a little bit of a point.
Answer:
I am not a single mother but I am a kid of divorced parents and I know that I always wanted to go to my dads and live. At least that is what I told my mom all the time, and it wasnt that I wanted to live with my dad really but for me it was a way of making sure they loved me. I wanted my dad to say that he wanted me and I wanted my mom to say that she didnt want me to go. Even if you tell your kids that you love them, when their family changes as much as it does in divorce, they just want reenforcement that you still love them. I would just keep telling you kids that both you and EH love them and have decided that this is the best lifestyle for them now. Just try to remember that this is not personal and that it doenst mean your child loves you more or less.