Ask:
Everytime my 4yr old ds does something he shouldn't like, pick his nose, push his sister, burp really loud I address it by saying it isn't good manners or that's ooey and you shouldn't do that and etc. Well his reply is "but I love to do that" how do I explain to him he shouldn't even though he likes too? It just doesn't seem to be sinking in!
Answer:
the big thing I have always taught my kids was that they should "use their manners"
if he burps..make him say excuse me.
if he pushes...I'm sorry
as far as nose picking and stuff...ignore it and try my "sneak attack"
I ignored the gross suff for a bit and worked on manners
I make my kids ask for things they want(I made them when they were little grocery shop with me-at our stores they get a cookie from bakery and cheese from the deli)I told them they don't give them out to everyone just kids that say please.
I also let my kids order their own fun meals-etc...they do a great job and love to feel grown up...but only if they finish the order with "please"
they get good at this and FAST(at least my kids did)
the bonus is that people love kids with manners!!!
they **quickly** start getting bonuses-extra gidts with the fun meals-2 pieces of cheese at the deli...whatever(no big deal but luckily good to them)
I've always stressed "see what happens when you use your manners -people like you and want to do good things for you."
at that moment when it donns on them that they can make a killing with the "please and thank you stuff" that when you bring up the...noone likes a nose picker..or whatever sidelined yucky habit you need to address...
my daughter is 5 and is like a celebrity....she's more popular around our little town than the rest of us.
Just an idea that works great for me.
Good luck...it'll work out
Answer:
I have explained to my DD that there is a space between our feelings and our actions. That space is where our decisions happen.
We may FEEL like picking our nose at that very moment. However, we may decide not to because (1) it will gross out the people around us and (2) we haven't had a chance to wash our hands recently so we could end up transmitting germs into our nose and (3) we don't have an opportunity to wash our hands right afterward and don't want to transmit our germs to someone else.
Just because we FEEL like doing something at a certain moment, that doesn't mean we have to DO it. When Mommy is stopped by a police officer for speeding we might FEEL like yelling at the officer but we know that is wrong and it would get us into a lot more trouble, so we DECIDE to act NICE to the officer (even though he is completely in the wrong and Mommy wasn't speeding!)
This isn't lying or being fake. It is making a conscious decision to act a certain way. We don't always have to reveal to everyone around us how we feel and we don't have to act a certain way just because we feel a certain way.
Answer:
Originally Posted by mommy&wifeisme
Everytime my 4yr old ds does something he shouldn't like, pick his nose, push his sister, burp really loud I address it by saying it isn't good manners or that's ooey and you shouldn't do that and etc. Well his reply is "but I love to do that" how do I explain to him he shouldn't even though he likes too? It just doesn't seem to be sinking in!
I addressed these issues with my son (and with myself) by saying it's okay to do many of these things but there is a time and place to do them. If you REALLY feel the need to go pick your nose - fine, just go do it in the bathroom where no one else has to see it. Almost any behavior is fine with me for DS to do in the bathroom or in the privacy of his own room as long as he learns to behave appropriately in the rest of the world.
Honestly - isn't that the standard we allow for ourselves, so why not for our kids too. I can belch with the best of them - I just choose to only do it when I'm alone. Some 'icky' behaviors are fun so just set up some boundaries as to where and when.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Lou
I addressed these issues with my son (and with myself) by saying it's okay to do many of these things but there is a time and place to do them. If you REALLY feel the need to go pick your nose - fine, just go do it in the bathroom where no one else has to see it. Almost any behavior is fine with me for DS to do in the bathroom or in the privacy of his own room as long as he learns to behave appropriately in the rest of the world.
Honestly - isn't that the standard we allow for ourselves, so why not for our kids too. I can belch with the best of them - I just choose to only do it when I'm alone. Some 'icky' behaviors are fun so just set up some boundaries as to where and when.
Great advice imo!!
Answer:
Originally Posted by Cookie2
I have explained to my DD that there is a space between our feelings and our actions. That space is where our decisions happen.
We may FEEL like picking our nose at that very moment. However, we may decide not to because (1) it will gross out the people around us and (2) we haven't had a chance to wash our hands recently so we could end up transmitting germs into our nose and (3) we don't have an opportunity to wash our hands right afterward and don't want to transmit our germs to someone else.
Just because we FEEL like doing something at a certain moment, that doesn't mean we have to DO it. When Mommy is stopped by a police officer for speeding we might FEEL like yelling at the officer but we know that is wrong and it would get us into a lot more trouble, so we DECIDE to act NICE to the officer (even though he is completely in the wrong and Mommy wasn't speeding!)
This isn't lying or being fake. It is making a conscious decision to act a certain way. We don't always have to reveal to everyone around us how we feel and we don't have to act a certain way just because we feel a certain way.
That is what I was going to say...minus the speeding part. Seriously, though, I teach them that just because we want to do something doesn't mean we can. I try to teach them to make good decisions based on their manners, others' feelings, and their health/safety. It is an on-going education, but it is well worth the effort and time that it takes.