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I had an awful situation occur Friday night after my 13 year old son's first school baseball game. He is in the 8th grade and made the team this year. While we were at the game my ex's new wife tells everyone at the game in front of me that she was there watching her son, said his name, play ball. They have been married for less than a year and she is telling everyone that my boys are her sons! I realize that this is probably being done for my benefit, but it really hurts and makes me angry. We have been divorced a little over three years and I haven't been on one date. I don't have time to meet anyone, nor do I even know if I want to go through it again.To make a long story short my oldest son and I went back to my house to pack their suitcase because it was their dad's weekend. My son hadn't eaten since lunch and had played a double header and it was 9:30 pm. We went through Arby's to get him some food and when I got home his dad was standing in my front yard pacing. my son was already upset about not getting to play the whole game and was very down on himself. He sees his dad in the yard and starts trying to get out of the car as quickly as he can. Once he gets out, his dad lays into him and starts yelling at him about how they, his wife, his new 15 year old daughter, and one of her friends, have been there for 10 minutes! I said to myself, "Oh, heck no!" I wasn't about to let him start blaming him because he wasn't home at the same time when he got there. My 11 year old son was at a school dance, and we thought they had to go pick him up before they came by the house. I got out of the car and told him that my son wasn't the one driving the car, or doing the laundry, or packing the suitcase and if he wanted to yell at someone he could yell at me because my son had nothing to do with what he was angry about. He in turn in front of my son, his new wife, his stepdaughter, and her friend yells at me calling me a B----! He used to do this to me when we were married because he knew I hated that word. I in turn called him a name and started to go inside my house. I made it to my front door and he yells B---- at me again! My son went inside after the first time he called me this. I couldn't take it anymore. Something inside me just snapped! I turned around, walked straight over to him where his whole family was sitting in their car with the doors open and stuck my finger right in his face. He used to do this to me while we were married and then dare me to do something about it. I looked him straight in the eye and told him I didn't have to take his crap anymore and I wasn't going to. I turned around to walk away and he calls me B---- again! I turned around, looked him straight in the eyes, and slapped his face. At that moment, yes, it did feel good to get some type of payback, but I am ashamed that I let him get to me. He turns to his new family and says, "You see why I divorced her?" I went back inside the house and my son was upstairs crying in his room. I headed up the stairs and my ex comes to my front door and starts beating on the door screaming to the boys to get outside now and let's go! I asked him if I needed to call the police, and he said no. I told him then he had better not touch my door again. He went back to his car. I felt so sorry for my son. He didn't hear his dad call me a name the other two times, nor did he see me slap him. Just hearing him cuss at me once was enough for him. I apoligized to my son and couldn't help but cry because I knew how he felt. My parents got divorced when I was in the 7th grade. I don't want to upset my kids, but how long should I be expected to take their dad's crap just to spare their feelings? I don't want them to grow up thinking this is how you are supposed to treat your girlfriend or wife. Help!
Answer:
Oh, dear.
I sure wish I had the words that would help things get better for you. I'm sorry that I don't. We do have a forum here for Divorced parents. Maybe there have been some past threads that would be helpful?? I hope there are other people who can give you some good advice.
Please keep us posted and feel free to vent anytime.
Answer:
at 15 he shouldn't have to go if he doesn't want to.(he's old enough to tell a court at least in some places)
I realize that's his dad and that part of him may want to go...but maybe he needs a wake up call...nobody likes an a--h---.(the Dad not the son)
Good for you for crackin him one too....don't feel bad- guys like this live to put women down...I'm sure you took your share...if all he got was one good slap he got off easy
one of my friends a few years back had her garden hose kinda hid when he came over one time,but turned on cause he tended to act the same way....she absolutley soaked him in the middle of his tyrade!!!
I mean geez..."cool off"
and his new wife has hers coming.....what you took and take from him is NOT what you deserve....it's just all he HAS to give...it's WHO he is...
to you.
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Thanks for your support! Unfortunately, my oldest son is 13 and will be 14 in April. He wants his dad's approval so badly and it breaks my heart every time I see him practically running after him. He's not a small kid either. He's 13 and is 5'10" already like me. His dad is 6'. I don't think my son would ever not go to his dad's because he feels an obligation to him and feels sorry for the way he is. By the way, I did hae a garden hose incident with him too while we were in the process of divorce. Same story, in the driveway of our house screaming and cussing at me while I was rinsing the grass off the driveway. He got in his big F350, I always thought of it as the testosteone-mobile, and unrolled his window to yell something else at me. I shot the hose at him right in the window of his truck. As he drove off, I promise you God showed me a quick slide show of all the mean and ugly things he had ever done to me to let me know that he did not fault me for what had happened. I grew up in a religion where divorce was wrong unless the other person had committed adultry. I honestly believed at that moment that his leaving was God's way of giving me an out after 14 years of crap.
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sadly...one day your sons gonna see his movie play out...and I know it's hard..but you do the best you can do,just like you've been doing....and on that day when it all donns on him it will be every memory of you being "you" that will help make him the man he'll be...a GREAT one.
and I know it's bad of me....but I just love the hose stories!!!
I guess eveybody likes to see the bad guy get what he deserves and on his level...they are so immature...
next time he's yelling in front of a crowd...tell him if it makes him fell like a man go right ahead he needs all the he can get!!!!
and if you really need to vent just come here..we're all lined up to help you theoretically slit his throat
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I did get one more good dig in before I went back into the house. When he turned to his new family and said,"Do you see why I divorced her?" I just looked at him for a minute, turned around started walking and said," You divorced me because you aren't happy, and no one else can make you happy!" Then I added, for his newly inflated wife, "Tell you what, why don't you go get her a few more plastic surgeries and MAYBE you'll finally have the perfect girl you've always wanted AFTER you buy a muzzle!" Explanation of this: they haden't even been married six months and he's had her in the gym every day and gotten her a tummy tuck and a boob job. She looks better, but it didn't make her look the way I know he thought it would. $9000 all to waste!
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Boy, you're a toughie! Wouldn't want to scrap w/you. I have to say, in reading your post, it felt like a picture of my future if I were to divorce. That's exactly how my dh fights - same word and all. No problems about saying such things in front of the kids. He's just nasty. I really love that you hosed him!
Boys do need their dads, but gosh, it really does sound like he gets abused, also. His dad has a hot temper and was completely out of line: a controlling jerk. I would have a talk w/him to see if he wants to back away from the visits, and if the jerk wants to fight that, talk to the court, saying that the new rules are the son can visit only when ready, and that the jerk can't intimidate or make the son feel guilty - in other words, say nothing about it. Gosh, I see reflections of my dad in this. Beat you down and then make you feel guilty for having a mind of your own.
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ya know tired..despite all...I really like you...you probably feel nothing but overwhelmed...but you have a good attitude and a good heart!!! I hope you hang here alot.
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I have every intention of hanging in there forever. My divorce was final in December three years ago and my dad unexpectedly committed suicide the next month on January 22, one week before his 63rd birthday. He was my rock and would do anything in the world for me and my two sisters. My ex hated him for that. When I called my dad to tell him that my husband had left, his only response was,"Just tell me how much money you need to get it done and I'll send you a check." That was it. He said he had kept his mouth shut for too many years about the way he treated me but thought it was not his place to interfere. The way I figure it is that if I can survive all that happening in two months, I can handle anything he wants to throw my way! I must say that whenever I don't know how I am going to be able to do something, buying a house before my ex lets ours go into foreclosure, moving with no help at all, affording another car when mine bit the dust, paying for baseball fees, back to school clothes, you name it, God does provide a way for it to happen. Get this. In the same month a missed mortgage payment was supposed to hit my credit report while I was trying to sell our house, I closed on a house Jan.31, a Monday, had an offer for my house the following Friday, closed on selling my house two weeks later and was moved into my new house. A group of men from my old Sunday school class showed up at my old house at 7:00 am to help move everything! Now, you can't tell me that God isn't looking out for us!
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Tired, I Love the Garden Hose incident. You're a scrapper I can tell. my sister is going througha similar incident with her 11 year old son. He actually told her that he wanted to live with his Dad because he Loves him more. Actaully, his Dad's house in the land of Yes and he can do anything he wants. AT my sisters house, he has rules and responsibilities. It's hard to hear that in a few years you're son will figure out what kind of Man his father is. I'm sure it's even harder to be pateint . I'll say a prayer for you. You're right, God does provide.