Ask:
How do you get your husband to follow along? With our situation right now... we really should be cutting back on stuff to save more. And we had agreed that's what we'd do but now... it's like he's completely forgotten. Over the weekend he suggested going to the movies because there was a movie playing we both wanted to see. And, he had still been planning on it too. We were actually going to go tonight but didn't.
And just... with other stuff too.
So just... when you're trying to cut back, save, or your budget has changed... how do you get them to go along??
Answer:
I think that it is important to discuss why you both want to cut back and have a budget. Like we need to pay off our credit cards or we wwant to save for this. You both need to be on the same page. When situations come up that require more money that you wanted to spend chat ..... for example DH we wanted to save for X and I know we both really want to see Y at the movie theater .... how about we get some popcorn at home and watch Z on the television together.
Answer:
My heart goes out to you, because I've been there - big time. You may have read some of my past posts about our financial situation. It took my dh awhile to "get it". He told me that it is really hard for guys to admit they have problems, especially financial problems.
I can't tell you the perfect way to get your dh to understand. I know that I calmly explained our situation, but I also cried, screamed, cussed, yelled, and just bawled. Then, I put everything in black and white. I'm not sure what exactly helped the most. At the time, it didn't seem like anything was working. It took a while for it to "soak in", but he really gets it now, and we're working together as a team on our finances. I think that is really key. I really wish I could be more help.
I pray that you and your dh are able to work together on this. It has really improved our marriage since we're working as a team. We're still struggling financially, but I'm a much happier wife! Keep us posted!!
Answer:
I agree that you should be on the same page. Sometimes talking about saving money sounds great, and other times, though you still want to save money deep down, you just dread the idea for that moment. Everyone will have their moments. I'm sure soon enough you'll be wanting to go out and see a movie or do something that isn't money-saving. When you're together on it, and have an actual goal to work toward, you can help each other stick to your game plan. Maybe set yourselves a small goal and then once it's reached, reward yourselves with something small. For instance, once you've put $100 in your savings, then pick out a movie at the theatre and go when there's a matinee. Eat before you go so you don't buy their snacks. Ask for a cup of water if you get thirsty. Doing that would cut your cost by almost half, and you'd still have a good time. Then, make your goal larger ($200) and go out for dinner to celebrate. Don't blow $50 on dinner -- go to restaurant.com and get yourselves a gift certificate that will save you money, then order water with your meal. Keep in mind that the joy of eating out is a MINDSET, and that you can have just as good a time sharing an entree and an appetizer as you can having 2 filet mingnon dinners and a bottle of fine wine. It's all in how YOU look at it. DH and I are working to save money as well (building a savings account), and I am the grounding force almost constantly. He's always asking if we have enough money to do this or that, and I just have to put my foot down and say "no, we can't do that right now". But we celebrate our small victories with something small. We go to a restaurant, order an entree & appetizer and split it. We get fast-food burgers; just the burgers, using coupons, and make fries at home, drinks at home too -- the cost is WAY cheaper than if we just got value meals. You can buy a 12 pk of pop for the cost of 2 sodas at a fast food joint! Anyway, my point is that this is a big thing for you guys and when you have a goal this huge, sometimes you can't starve yourself of the things that will keep you fueled, or you risk giving up completely and going on an all-out spending binge. Treat yourselves, and keep talking about your goal -- it'll keep it on the front burner, and makes it important to both of you. good luck!
Answer:
Make him think it's his idea. Seriously.
When he does anything even a tiny bit frugal, praise him, "Wow, honey, you got a great price on that." or, "I bet it was tempting to go out for coffee, great job making it yourself." or "That $5 you saved this week packing your lunch one day a week every week for 10 years, invested in a saving account at ING at 4.5% would make $3000!. You could buy yourself a big screen TV with that. Great work".
I'm not trying to make men sound simplistic but they really do need affirmation and praise in their lives and they are incredibly motivated by positive reinforcement.
Answer:
I agree with the praise and reward approach! Also, having in mind some better alternatives to spending.
My DH is great about our budget, but there are little niceties he is accustomed to from our lives before kids when we were both bringing in nice paychecks. So, we do save up for occasional big nights out - that pricey restaurant or concert, but try to save other times. If there is a movie he really wants to see and dinner/movie aren't really in what I want our budget to be, I'll either suggest we go at matinee time since its cheaper or see the movie and ask if instead of dinner out we could picnic at the park or something romantic. I avoid the don't/can't spend money talk and make it be more about us having alone time together. Of course, I won't suggest something I don't like as he will usually agree since it pleases me.
I've learned that my DH doesn't want to be told he shouldn't spend the money. He is a grown man and works hard for his money. As such, I feel he should get to do fun things with it at times
Definitely make sure you are on the same page or you will be spending your whole life fighting about money. Share with him when you are proud of your savings- its catchy!! And be sure to share your savings goals- what do you want- for you, him, your kids, and "you as a couple". Also, if there are some books/articles that inspire you - leave them laying around. My Dh never thought twice about dropping $20 for a movie until he saw my "notes and dreams page". 1 movie out a week for 2 months added up to the cost of something I realy wanted but didn't see in our budget. When he saw that I wasn't buying something we could use since it was that pricey, he realized how quickly "small" amounts add up.
Talk about it and be willing to make concessions. And remember that spending money is so easy to do- even when you know you shouldn't. So hang in there, be supportive and you'll get there!!
Answer:
Show it to him on paper...Seeing the black and white of it is what got through to my DH. I show him the checkbook, sometimes very subtlly, like if he debits his lunch, I ask him to write it in the checkbook and subtract it so he sees how much is in there. When I write out the monthly bills, I show it to him and show him where his checks are going. I'm vvery lucky in that he is pretty good abut not spending much money, but sometimes he needs to be reminded he can't go out for lunch every single day.
Answer:
I agree that you both have to be on the same page. He has to be aware of how much money there is and where it's going. My dh used to be in the mindset before we had kids and we had 2 nice paychecks coming in. It wasn't until I sat him down and showed him in black and white that he realized we had to budget our money (I'm working part-time, not full-time anymore). When we first started budgeting I allowed $50 for entertainment and we have gradually worked our way up to $150. We may not use all of that for entertainment, so then I'll put into savings. I'm so glad that he and I are on the same page now b/c there were alot of wars and tears. Why do men have to be so damn hard-headed??
My SIL and BIL have separate accounts, so maybe you could try that and then your dh could see for himself what happens when his $$ runs out! My BIL almost always used to run out of money (he likes to buy ALL the men toys) and my SIL would not bail him out. So he has learned to budget his $$.
Anyway, I hope this helps and keep us up to date.
Answer:
DH is terrible with money, when we got the tax refund, he started telling me what he wants to buy! I hid the money in a kids account, he doesnt even knwo where it is and his name is not on the account. He Has a set amount of money fro the week and he dreds to bounce a check or to not have money available from the ATM. so I keep him informed we have no money and there is only $40 in the checking account. then he doesnt go overboard! there might be $1000 in the checking, but he will spend it if he knows!
if there are any big purchases we discuss it before we buy.
If he wants to go somewhere like amovie or something, if i say we cant make it this week, or why waste money on a movie, he will trust me and we wont go. it wont kill us to wait till it is out and we can rent it on netflix.
Answer:
This can be a hard situation. I think we've all been there before. When dh and I first got married he would spend money like it was going out of style. I finally had to show him on paper a list of everything we pay each month, how many bills we needed to pay off, and our incomes. When he saw how much debt we had and how little savings we had it finally started to click. That and the fact that our income was higher than our bills and yet we had no money left over.
I made a plan to pay off debt and showed dh how much better off we would be after getting it done. I explained that it was important to me and showed him that we could still budget some money for fun stuff. He's done really great since then.