Ask:
I need help convincing my dh that it is time to declutter and purge!! My dh refuses to get rid of anything that was given to him as a gift. No matter how large, ugly or useless to us it is he will not get rid of it. Instead he puts it into a box and leaves it in the basement. He owns about 50 t-shirts and only wears about 15 of them. Most of them are gifts from his family and are just the wrong size or very ugly. He will not let me get rid of them because the are a gift. I have tried to convince him that giving them away to goodwill is a great idea. That way someone who needs them and appreciates them will get them. So far he is not buying it. AAARRRGGHHHH.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to convince him that it is okay to give away things that were given to us as gifts?? Especially if we don't use them.
Answer:
I do not know that you can ever "convince" someone unless they are willing to be convinced. I would suggest focusing your attentions on other parts of the house. As he begins to see improvements elsewhere, including you getting rid of your stuff, perhaps he will rethink his position.
Beyond that, if there is something that I want to get rid of, but the owner does not, I typically do it while they are away. I do this with misc kids toys that we have received from McD's etc. I have not gotten rid of anything of DH, but it would not be hard. Things tend to disappear all over around here anyway!!
I wish you luck on your decluttering! It is not easy! I am trying to do it here as well. I am starting to get a little better, but I find that part of decluttering is creating an organization that works. Sometimes it takes some trial and error to get to that point.
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How about suggesting a yard sale in the spring....whatever money is made he can buy sometihng that he really wants. Is there something that you can think of that he might really want? Mention it.....That might get him interested in getting rid of some of the junk.
Answer:
Thank you both for the suggestions. A yard sale or selling some of the stuff on craigslist may be a great idea. The only problem is he thinks someone may ask about the stuff and if it is gone he will have to lie. No one has ever asked but, as he said you never know.
I will admit over the last five years I have been slowly making t-shirts and various other articles of clothing "disappear". Soon I may start on some of the other things cluttering the basement. Even though then I feel guilty. Oh well maybe someday he will see that it is okay to pass things along to people who really need them.
Answer:
Honestly, I can't see someone asking about a t-shirt they gave as a gift 5 yrs ago.. lol! Maybe it's just me... but when I give a gift, I don't really give it a 2nd thought. I'd never ask, "hey, are you still wearing that t-shirt I gave you 4 yrs ago on your birthday?". Kwim? lol!
I donate all my stuff... I think unless you're hard up for cash, it's a great way to get rid of stuff and *fast*!! If you hold onto it to sell, etc.. it's still in your home taking up space and and time if you don't have it. Kwim?
Good luck though! Hope you get dh to "see the light"... lol!
Answer:
My husband "was" the same way. I hate clutter and junk sitting around taking up useful space. My motto....outta site...otta mind. Start with the stuff in the basement when hes not home, post it on Ebay. Once your husband sees that he REALLY didn't miss it and how much $$ you can make then just keeping it in a box. Maybe he will change his mind. Thats what happened with my husband. BUT!........now he wants to shop on ebay all the time. Thats OK too, its usually tools etc.... and I can always get him to get moving on that long honey to do list.
As far as friends and family asking wear that item is that he got for a gift. Well....he had an unfortunate accident with paint, ink, oil etc.....you get the picture.
Good Luck , hope you find a solution.
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What if you make your hubbie's old t-shirts into a quilt? You can just cut them into squares (keeping only the logos/pictures on front) and pitch the rest. It only requires cutting squares and sewing straight lines, pretty simple (I think). That's what my dh and I are doing with our t-shirts that we're having a hard time parting with.
Answer:
Gifts that are the wrong size or something are one thing. I can see the reasoning for getting rid of them, and yet I have a hard time doing so myself at times. You and your husband might want to read a book called by Cindy Glovinsky. It gets into some of the emotional attachment we have to gifts and things we inherit. Could be helpful.
As far as making things "disappear" when the owner isn't looking, I'm very much against that idea (except in the case of obvious trash like gum wrappers or something). I had a roommate do something similar to me in college, and it really ruined any trust I had in her. It's no fun trying to find something when you don't know if it's even still there to find.
I'd also worry that it could backfire; forcibly getting rid of someone else's things may cause them to resist your efforts and cling that much tighter to their other things, even when they realize in the back of their mind that it's something they don't need anymore. It's hard to explain, it's sort of a control thing or something. Better for them to realize that they don't need to keep everything. Forcing them into it doesn't tend to work as well.
It makes sense in my mind, but I'm not sure it's making any sense the way I'm writing it.
Answer:
I have had the same problem. I have gotten better with some items .... however, I really have a hard time with products people make (i.e. the paper mache painted tea pot my cousin made me 9 years ago for my wedding shower she was 10).
I try to look at the items and see if I would want to display it/use it/ wear it. I really want to declutter but my brain can only handle about 30 mins of purging a week.
I make a pile for my DH and say he has until ____ time to look thru and keep what he wants (as long as he can find space for it) other wise it will be donated. I don't think I could donate things without him knowing.
I figure that items I do not want/use others would be delighted to have.
Answer:
OK, I am heartless......I say drop the subjest for a while. Then start bringing stuff to your local charity (without telling him). He will never miss it! Also, great web site for decluttering is Fly Lady. She might have much better advice (one that won't cause marital unhappiness). I get rid of stuff all the time in my house....no one notices.