Ask:
My dh and I have date night every once in a while, and the big kids babysit. Now, we don't even leave until the baby goes to bed, which is around 7, and we go somewhere very close. All the big kids have to do, is listen to the monitor and call if she wakes up....and we are home in 5 min. (Which hasn't happened yet, knock on wood).
So, my 14 1/2 yr old has decided that he wants to get paid for this. My first reaction is WHAT?? You aren't doing anything that you wouldn't do if we were home. My dd is usually the one with the monitor anyway. Then I think well, maybe I should give him something...but I am still not positive about this. So, he is pushing and pushing....and then finally says that he is going to the basketball courts for a little while before we leave...so I say...."hey, tell you what, you take the baby to the basketball courts and I will pay you for babysitting". He says "but I wouldn't be able to play because I would have her..." and then promptly says..."YOU WIN". And walks off.
Yay!! For Me. I out-smarted him!!!!
Now seriously, do you think this is something that we should pay them for. It never really occured to me, but they are doing us a favor. hummmmmm???
Answer:
Well my two were too close in age to babysit for each other, but I do have a friend who paid her children "something" to watch her younger kids. She would leave them quite a bit, and even though the older one didn't do much (her younger were potty trained, etc.) she would just give the older child some "lump sum" for doing it whenever she needed. Like she might give one of them $10 for a wk of watching "whenever". Not really the same as your situation. I was never sure how I felt about it, because in some ways it just seems like being a part of a family, so I'll be anxious to see how others think. The only time I DO think it is a problem, is if people are expecting their children to not do something else they want to do so they can babysit for the parents. My dd had a friend who couldn't go to a really fun thing that all the other kids were doing because her parents made her stay home to babysit her younger sibling. In that case I think they should have hired a babysitter...but that's just my opinion. Again....not like your case. I think I'm rambling...gotta stop now
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We are in your shoes. We have two "sets" of kids (even though they are all ours..we just spaced them that way, quite on accident!). Our oldest ones are 17, almost 13, and 11...and then are younger ones are 6, 4, and 2. We DO pay ours to keep their younger siblings BUT we do NOT pay them as much as a sitter who comes in. Part of that, though, is that unless the 17 year old is watching them, the other two watch them "together", and I can't afford to pay regular babysitting rates twice! LOL Also, anytime they don't WANT to babysit, they certainly do not HAVE to. Most of the time, they do want to, though, since it gives them the money to spend!!
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I've never been in this position. I've never had a child that was older than her siblings by enough of a difference to trust leaving them in each other's care.
However, my initial response is "no". This is one of the reasons I pay my kids a flat rate allowance, not based on chores, etc. I believe each child has a responsibility to contribute to the running of the household and each child benefits from the wealth of the household. Allowing you and hubby to have a little time alone benefits the entre household. The next time the 14 yr old asks for payment for babysitting remind him that the alternative is you and hubby could just stay home and get grumpy because you never get a chance to go anywhere. In other words, remind the 14 yr old that HE benefits from being parent-free some evenings.
My thought process also led me to ask, "If the 14-yr old wasn't already living in your house, would you hire him to babysit for you?" IF he is so reliable and trustworthy that you'd hire him as your preferred babysitter for date-night, I'd consider tossing a few bucks his way. As above, however, I'd be willing to negotiate an increase in his allowance because he is taking on increased responsibilities but not an out-right tit-for-tat payment for babysitting services rendered.
You have to remember, if you pay him for babysitting, then he has the option to NOT take the job. How do you handle it if you want to go out on a night he wants to do something else? Does he have to skip his desired activity so you can go out or do you stay home? Would you hire another babysitter? If you'd hire another babysitter or make him skip his activity, I'd consider increasing his allowance or paying him.
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This is all very interesting. Yes, I would hire him, he is trustworthy, or we wouldn't leave in the first place. We don't go out that often, maybe three times a month. And like I said, she is already in bed, so they don't really have to do anything with her; feed, change, bathe, etc. Know what I mean?? And we would never make plans if they had something else going on. I always ask them, hey are you guys ok tonight if we go out to dinner, and so far there hasn't been an issue. This all really has me thinking though....that I should do something, but not sure what....actually, my dd had an idea that we could go shopping once a month (leave it to the girl to come up with shopping..lol) and they could pick something that is under $20. I kinda like that idea.......
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Way to go, Mom! That was quick thinking on your part.
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I would expect a certain amount of free babysitting and then pay after that. maybe so many free hours and pay after that. Not sure if it should be going rate or not. How much are u paying for his "stuff"? If he gets alot of extras I would consider it fair trade, KWIM?
allgirls
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I do pay my almost 15 yr old for babysitting if DH and I are going out for a date or something fun like that but I do not pay him to watch them if I'm going to the grocery store or a quick errand.
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Originally Posted by stxmom
I do pay my almost 15 yr old for babysitting if DH and I are going out for a date or something fun like that but I do not pay him to watch them if I'm going to the grocery store or a quick errand.
This is what we do also.If i'm just running an errand he can watch his little brothers for free.But if dh and I are going to dinner,etc,I pay him 10.00.He is a teen and ask me for spending money anyways,so this helps us both out.I also pay him to wash my suv also,for his spending money.