Ask:
I was wondering how do you disipline a 2&1/2 yo? My daughter is testing my patience. She will do something and I'll tell her no or don't do that and she still does it. I either end up yelling (which I don't want to do) or I give her a warning and then put her in time out if she does it again. It seems like this child is ALWAYS in time out. I also don't want to spank either. So I'm at my wits end and don't know what else to do.
I'd appreciate any advice or suggestions!
Answer:
2 1/2 is really SO young... with my almost 4 yr old, I just try to change her attention to something else.. most of the time it works. So whatever she's doing, perhaps, say, "Honey, look at what mommy found! Your doll!!" and see if it grabs her attention instead..
What is it exactly that she's doing?
Answer:
I agree - distraction at this age is more key. What is she doing that is so bad? If she's getting into things she shouldn't, securities should be put into place to avoid it - if it's hurting an animal, they need to be separated. Getting into a houseplant? Remove the plant. Messing w/the TV? Put a gate around it or tape the controls. I think that's why they say that necessity is the MOTHERHOOD of invention.
Answer:
distract, distract, distract.......their attention spans are at a minimum anyway, so if she's pitching a fit one second, she's sure to be laughing the next.....when she's doing something you don't want her to do, and you've asked her to stop and she continues, LEAD her to another activity (not direct her). Take her by the hand and give her something to hold, construct, manipulate, and do. Distraction is by far the best alternative!
Answer:
What work the best for me was to take away what she's being sassy with and tell her that if she's not going to be good with it it goes bye-bye for awhile. You can only redirect for so long, so this worked better for me. Kinda like gounding them I guess. I also always made sure I told her why/ how she was being sassy. Time outs never worked for me.
Answer:
Active time outs help, too. For instance, my DD would have to sit in a chair and look at me while the timer ticked away (one minute for every year of age). She couldn't talk or wiggle or else the timer would start all over again. Trust me, there were times when we sat all day long (or so it seemed) until she 'got it'.
Make sure she is nose-to-nose and eye-to-eye with you when you reprimand her. You can't just yell 'no' from across a room. BTW, once she gets used to looking you in the eye, make sure you're looking each other in the eyes when you say good things, too, like 'I love you'.
Redirection is wonderful for when she is doing something you prefer she not do. Out and out misbehavior deserves different discipline.
I also use the 1-2-3 method. I start counting. Yes, I know, sounds like our mothers! IF I have to get to '2', I say, "Don't you let me get to 3 because you won't like what happens when I do." DD knows she doesn't know exactly what will happen when she gets to 3 but she's not willing to take the risk. Now a days, I barely have to say '1' before she drop what she is doing and obeys. What will happen when I get to 3? Something creative. I believe disciplinary actions should be 'predictable' in that they WILL happen but 'creative' in that the action will fit the crime. For instance, if you told DD to grab her shoes so you can help put them on and she doesn't, then you can decide for the next three days YOU will pick out her clothes and they won't be her favorite outfits either! Whatever it is, make it something significant to your child. If they don't care what they wear, then the discipline I suggested won't be very effective.
After the 1-2-3 counting starts to work, you can institute a 'do it the first time' method. I hate having to count to '2' all day long. I started to tell DD she has to do it the first time or else discipline will occur. Right now, she's a pretty obedient child. But she's only 5. I have a long way to go.
Answer:
I also have a 2 1/2 year old and I find that redirecting her most of the time is what works and I save the big discipline for the big deals, such as running away from me in the parking lot or hitting someone. I get on her level and say in a firm voice " I am sorry that you did that, it made me sad. You have to sit here and wait because what you did was wrong." I try real hard not to be negative such as saying no and dont. Kids do not hear that and they dont respond to it. I also find that my daughter does not want to make me sad and will take notice if I say I am. I also use 1 minute for every year of age and after the time out we talk about being nice and what we should do, such as " mommy likes it when you hold my hand and walk in the parking lot like a big girl." I find that if I tell her what I do want and not what is wrong she gets it better. The key with kids this age is cosistency (sp) You have to do the same thing each and every time. I also know that you have to pick your battles, yes you want your kids to listen to you but you also have to know that they are going to mess with your knick knacks so move them and win the battle before it begins.