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I started thinking about the whole nature vs. nurture theory when it comes to money management. How much does my teaching and example about money to my kids affect how they will handle their money as adults.
The whole nature vs. nurture argument has always fascinated me because with my brother and I (14 months apart) one of us is adopted and the other one is not. Our nature was different but our nurture was identical. We were raised by the "Even Stevens" who had the same rules, the same gifts down to the penny, the same everything. One year we even had matching winter coats but I don't want to go there....
Up until very recently I thought he was the spender and I was the saver. But then a week ago he mentioned that he had read the wealthy barber at 21 (many moons ago now) and that he had applied all the ideas way back then and was still following them. I was shocked. Pleasantly shocked but shocked nonetheless. My spender brother was a closet saver after all.
How are you different from your siblings (if you have any) when it comes to money management?
Do our kids have a specific nature? Are they naturally spenders or naturally savers? Or can we teach them to be one or the other?
What are your thoughts?
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What an interesting topic, Kathryn. My sister and I are complete opposites with money. She has always been a spender. Even as a teen, she spent every penny she made and material things were very, very important to her. She knew she wanted to marry someone who made a lot of money. She had 2 long term relationships with men in medical school and even though they were jerks she really tried to make it work. She ended up marrying the roommate of one of those guys and he is a neurologist. He is a wonderful man, but they are both major spenders. They love their stuff. They both drive a mercedes and they just built a house on the water that was over a million dollars. They take very fancy trips out of the country with and without their 3 kids several times a year. He just upgraded her 3 carat engagement ring for her 40th birthday with 2 more diamonds. They are so frivolous! He works his tail off and I guess he feels entitled. Yet, they still have student loans, their house is 100% financed, they lease both their cars, and they don't save a penny. It is very strange to me. I am the practical one. We save, we invest, we live within our means. I have always been this way. I saved my babysitting money, I worked in a retirement home in high school to save money for car and insurance, I worked in college to help with expenses, etc. We are like night and day.
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This is extremly interesting, essp to me, because I could never figure it out. My brother and I are 15 months apart,(I'm older) same parents. We were raised the same way, with the same values, and morals.
I went to college, I got married at 23. I have had a job since I was 12. I have always paid for my own things, and paid bills. Dh and I work hard, own a home and a car, and raise 3 children. 'Hanging out' and drugs never intersted me.
My brother on the other hand, quit many jobs if he wasn't fired. He got involved in the wrong crowd and tried many drugs. He became kinda 'Hippy' getting involved in diffrent things, and clamouring about the government and thier conspriacies. As of 2 years ago, he was involved in a accident that a person was killed and as of today we are waiting to go to trial where he faces jail time. He STILL Has no job, my mother supports him and his legal bills.
BUT with all this going on, he has finnally (dare I say?) started to figure it out. He is going to school for restruant management, and hopes to own a little clam shack in town by summer. (if he doesn't go to jail) I myself have offered to help him run it.
I should get him a copy of that book, I'm interested to see what sort of impression it might make on him....
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There are three of us, my self and my closest brother will look at a penny twice before deciding what to use it on, we are rather frugal in many ways. However we were brought up that way, as when we where little my parents did not have much money. The youngest sadly is not the same and wants all the "cool" stuff now. As my parents now have some money he feels that it is owed to him.
Think Nature - the way you were born - has alot to do with your personality as well as your spending or saving habbits, however you can learn , even if it has to be the hard way. That way the best thing a parent can do is show thier child why saving and living responsibly is better than living for the moment and having tons of debt instead.
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We refer to my brother as Scrooge McDuck.... He was always a saver. Now I'm not so sure...we don't discuss money in detail. He likes to spend and when money as a topic does come up, he does disclose he is 'broke' but again...broke to 1 may be turning in their change jar at CoinStar and to another it could be $1000 'cushion' balance in their savings. You never know.
I do find it interesting that thinking back, he was always the saver and I was always the spender. I didn't have a checking account until i was 18 and a savings account until recently. Where he opened his first savings account as a child. We are 27 months apart and my parents didn't really teach us about money.
My Dad, I can say is better than my mom...He is very responsible with money, but he gave her the control, over it and assumed they were okay. Until she got sick and he had to take over...That man caught up their bills and still had a little extra left every month something that was a strange concept prior. Yes it took hard work and cuts, but he did it and in under 6 months, but for the house and the car they were debt free. He set the example that day 4 years ago.
Sorry, train of thought de-railed there. But after that and seeing it was possible, he gave me hope (we were in a bad place with money). My brother and I discussed what my Dad did and I think each took our own lessons from him, and we're not rich, but we're happy and we're learning every day, so in that respect.....yes we are alike!
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Nature v. nurture has always interested me since my brother and I were both adopted (different parents) and raised in the same family. When it comes to money, my initial thought was that we are polar opposites, but then I started thinking and there are a few ways we are a lot alike.
I am a saver. Period. I learned frugality from my mother who did an excellent job as an example. My brother, meanwhile, likes the finer things in life. It is not unusual for him and his new wife to go out and have a dinner for $200. I could never imagine spending that much on one meal for two people!!
But, my brother and I also learned from our parents work ethic. My brother is a very hard worker! He doesn't have much in savings and has made many money mistakes, but he does work very hard and has never been fired from a job. Employers love him! Goodness knows I have worked hard - and now I am a sahm!
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I've been thinking about this lately, because my parents are in a pretty bad financial spot currently, and my 4 siblings that have the ability to help them, aren't. It's a more involved story, but it has illuminated the difference between me and my siblings' financial ways. My older sister has ALWAYS been a spender. Money is like fire in her hands - she can't spend it fast enough. The mass amount of junk she has stashed everywhere is proof of that. My younger brothers used to save when they were younger. They'd work with my dad (construction) and save up the money for a big thing - 4 wheeler, snowmobile, hunting stuff, etc. But once they came of working age, it was like they all lost their motivation to work or something. My oldest brother has a house, but he's on the verge of losing it because he'd rather go fishing than go to work. My middle brother job-hops and only works when he desperately needs money for gas, etc (which leads to the reason he has to get another job, again and again). Who knows what he does; he disappears for days and doesn't ever have money. He must be the world's biggest mooch off his friends. My youngest brother is only 16, and still in high school, but won't get a job anywhere outside of school - he'd rather watch tv and mooch off my parents. I've always worked very hard and paid my own way for things - since I was probably 14 or so. I am very responsible with our finances, and try to save, so I guess I'm a saver. I could be better, but we do enjoy a little fun now and then. I don't know what my brothers are - when you refuse to work and make any money, you can't spend or save, because you have nothing! As for Nature/Nurture, I'm not sure how it affects one's financial ways. My parents have always been very responsible with their finances - when my parents got into the car accident 18 months ago, my dad had all their debts paid off and $20k stashed. If not for his diligence in being responsible for their finances in the years before the accident, they would have lost EVERYTHING - their home, my dad's 25 yr business..everything. My grandpa (dad's dad) was an alcoholic and my dad had to support his family from age 16 on. He supported my grandma til the day of the accident - he can't afford to now. I think he learned to be financially smart because of what he was responsible for at such a young age. I don't know really.. it's something to think about further I guess. I'm glad I have taken on my father's financial ways, and hope that in the end, I do as well as he did all those years.
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I am the oldest of three kids and I think we all think alike. We are always trying to find the best deals and don't ever pay full price for anything. However, I have credit card debt and they don't. That's also why my brother and his wife own a new home, my sister and her husband are building a new home, and my dh and I have a small, older home. They were smarter about getting into debt than I was in college. Our mom is the one who taught us to find good deals. My dad is the one who taught us to use the credit card. Unfortunately, the have a lot of cc debt thanks to my dad.
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WOW! I have thought about this numerous times about me and my siblings, but never thought to bring it to a topic. My dad is a major saver, and my mom spends spends spends!!!!! I am in shock how my siblings and I are so different. My brother is a spender. He likes the finer things. He works to spend, but he still manages. My big sister.... HOLY CRAP! The second she gets money, it is completely gone! She still has who knows how many collection calls to my parent's house, yet she doensn't live there. She can't hold a job and lives in a pay by the week hotel place. She is 25 years old and lives that way. I, on the other hand, am 21 and a single mother of a 2 1/2 year old daughter and I am a saver. I don't really get child support. Basically maybe $100 here or there when her dad calls to say he has something. I have a little bit of medical bills to pay on my daughter, but I will successfully have it all paid off this year. I am also going to have my car paid off in the next month. (I only owe $150 on it now!!! Actually pay day is Friday and I think I will get it paid off completely when I go to the bank. That is smarter.) I have a cushion in savings to make sure we can survive. I like nice things, but I refuse to pay full price. I am a thrift store shopper. I skrimp and save so we are okay. I am the saver out of all of us kids. I work full time. Then there is my little sister, who is 16 and has a job. She saves and is pretty good about making sure she is saving up for college. I am really proud of her. I am in shock how diverse the 4 of us kids are!!!
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definately interesting i would say 2 of us are smarter with our money one is learning and going in the right direction one is a disaster with it...
i would say my youngest brother and i are similar in the aspect that i bought my first home at 21 and he just purchased his first home and he is only 20. my sister has had numerous homes and is wise with her money...my oldest brother just bought his first home and he is 40 years old. they are the type that tried to keep up the jones's and it back fired big time they had to file bk.. still don't think they have learned from it because we still see some really stupid purchases...
i think i'm the most frugal and make major sacrifices by choice so i can be home with my kids while they all complain and make excuses to why they can't wich in turn means they just don't want to quit spending. so i think you can have all spectrums even though you grew up with the same values taught.