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Yes I will admit, I've been really reflective lately. In a good way. My baby turns two on Saturday, my oldest will turn 4 in May. Time is just passing by entirely too quickly. But yesterday a bunch of stuff was thrown in my face that I wasn't prepared for.
A little history:
Zach (4) has always been very social. He's a friendly kid. Loves to play with others. Loves to talk to adults. The whole nine yards. When we were in P'cola he had a TON of play friends. One of which lived right around the corner from us. We got the kids together and played every day. It was great. They even went to the same preschool. Then of course, we moved to OK. While at Vance we were surrounded by young families. I'm talking the average age of the children was 12-18 months. It made it very difficult for Zach to make friends. I could tell he was sad and lonely. Then we befriended our neighbor and her son, who is the same age as my Ty (2). We would make plans togehter all the time, but Zach and CJ were entirely too different. Besides, Ty and CJ would normally pair off anyway. I felt bad for the kid. He did have preschool but the boys there went to church together and their moms were friends, so Zach was like the new kid. They were friends one day, then not the next.
Present:
We moved here a few weeks ago. We've been busy with getting settled in etc. However, I have found time to get the boys to the park every day, if not every other day. Well last night, there was this boy there who approached Zach. He was much older. I'm thinking maybe even 7 or 8 years old. He was a big kid. Anyway, he seemed very pleasant. I had brought some bubbles to the park so I was blowing them and Zach and this boy were running around trying to pop them. It attracted quite the crowd so it appeared as though Zach was getting some attention from kids his age. Then they kinda paired off and started playing together. At one point while they were running around being monsters the kid stopped and turned around and said to Zach "I'm not your friend anymore...leave me alone". It was that abrupt. Zach stood there for a moment and watched the kid walk away. As a mother to have to witness that, I wanted to follow that kid to the other playground and wring his neck...but I just sat there and watched. Zach then came over to me and asked me where the boy went. I told him that I thought he had to get going. He then asked me "why doesn't he want to be my friend?". I then said "I would not worry about it huney. He's too old to be your friend. You're going to have lots of friends your age very soon". My heart just sunk. I hugged him and then encouraged him to go and play. He didn't play as much so we left to come home.
I have been thinking about this all last night. I think about all the hurtful things he is going to experience and how hurtful some kids can be. We all know it is inevitable and in fact we've probably lived through it ourselves...but as a mother, I am crushed. He's such a sweet kid that I would hate for him to internalize any of this: LIKE HIS MOTHER DOES!!!!
He's getting older. The sweetness will probably fade. I'll no longer be Mommy, but MOM in a few years....it's just so sad.
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!!
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That is so hard to watch! I have experienced that same thing with my oldest. As you know, he is a more shy boy so it is hard for him to make friends, but the few he has are really, really good friends. You have the extra challenge for being a military family, but at least you will be in OKC for awhile now. I am sure that will help.
It is a painful thing to have to watch, but all part of growing up, I guess. Just never easy for Mom. (That is a hard transition, too. My 4 1/2 year old calls me Mom now and I tell him it is still Mommy for you! We just laugh about it.)
HUGS!
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Bless both your hearts. I know it kills you to know he is hurt. I've gone through that a few times lately, and I get a physical ache in my heart. Big hugs for both of you.
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we moved to a new area about a year and a half ago, when my daughter was 3. It was so hard for her to meet new friends too. I don't work and we live in a rural area. I would drive her to the park, way too far to walk, and most of the time there were no kids her age. since we live in a tourist area, most of the kids she would meet weren't staying around for more than a week. some would play with her and some wouldn't. since she was used to playing with older kids, she thought all kids would play with her. some kids were really mean, luckly for me she just bounced back to try other kids. It took a long time for us, but now she has one really good friend that is her age.
I'm sure this broke your heart more than his. Don't give up, and don't let him give up either. I hope that he finds some playmates soon.
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hugs
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It sucks, doesn't it? I have a 6 1/2 year old and he always played with a little boy in our neighborhood that is 3 years older than he is. This child was sweet and our 2 were the oldest in a neighborhood full of bitty babies, so they played together all the time. We are very good friends with their parents and do lots of things together. Their son always really enjoyed playing with our son until about 6 months ago when he realized he was too cool to play with "little kids". Now, my son thinks of himself as a BIG kid - his baby brother is the little kid! He has been gradually distancing himself from my son this school year and always has his nose stuck in his gameboy. My son is content to sit and watch him play (he never lets him have a turn but my son amazingly has never complained about this). We were over there a few weeks ago and there were several families over with their kids and a little girl was visiting her dad for the weekend (she is also 9). They locked my son out of the playroom and every time he tried to open the door they would yell that only big kids were allowed. My son was crushed. I was so sad for him. But what do you do? You can't MAKE them play together. And I couldn't say anything to his mom who is one of my closest friends. So we came home and we had a long talk with him about how this boy was getting to an age where he was just not going to be giving him the time of day anymore, and that it was sad, but we had to move on and not take it personally. My son still doesn't get it. It is just a big, huge bummer.
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Maggie that is so sad......don't you just want to step in and WRING their little necks? My impluse was to do that...but you just have to take a step back and see how they deal with it...isn't that the hardest part?
I am so sorry that happenned. SO I guess it just doesn't get easier does it?
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Originally Posted by Claire
That is so hard to watch! I have experienced that same thing with my oldest. As you know, he is a more shy boy so it is hard for him to make friends, but the few he has are really, really good friends. You have the extra challenge for being a military family, but at least you will be in OKC for awhile now. I am sure that will help.
It is a painful thing to have to watch, but all part of growing up, I guess. Just never easy for Mom. (That is a hard transition, too. My 4 1/2 year old calls me Mom now and I tell him it is still Mommy for you! We just laugh about it.)
HUGS!
I just wanted to comment on what Claire said about how her child now calls her "Mom" instead of "Mommy". What I'll miss most is when my daughter gets older and no longer says to me (at least once, if not 5 times a day), "You're the bestest Mommy in the whole wide world that I've...ever...MET!" That's got to be the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I know there will come a time when I won't hear it any longer, and it saddens me! <sobs>