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It's taken me a long time to come to this day. I've stomped and protested. I've gotten mad at anyone who dare say this mean thing. I've lied to myself and even convinced myself that there was an evil conspiracy out there. But there's not, I was wrong....
I'm going to take my son to be evaluated. Just typing that brings tears to my eyes. He's coming along so well and everyone at school is so impressed and proud of him. His teacher told me today that she paniced on one of the test she was giving the students. My son was first and he was able to just keep going and going way past his grade level. She said she had never seen anything like it and that if all the kids were going to do the same she was never going to be able to fit them all in. She said she soon was brought back to reality when the other students could only do a page or two. He is so gifted in some areas, I just have such a hard time working it out in my mind, how can a person so smart need special education? I know it's nothing to be ashamed of and I'm not, but it's just hard to wrap my mind around. They think that 504 accomodations would help him a lot. He has a really hard time focusing with any distractions at all (funny thing...me too). So after a really long discussion with his teacher (I'll post later about her ) I was finally able to agree and this time I was able to say it without the slightest bit of panic inside me. For the first time I didn't feel like I had to go to battle to defend him against an attack. No one was attacking, they really like him and are doing so much for him even now. The fears I had bottled up were unfounded. They are really good and caring people. I'm so happy that I didn't allow myself to take him and hide. I once thought of homeschooling for that purpose only. It was all my own fears...
So now that we are right here looking at this thing for what it really is, I've got some more decisions to make. From everything I have read in the past, I was leaning toward a private evaluation. Honestly, a lot of my feelings for that were again out of fear. I'm not sure of what....maybe that I didn't do something right or that I'm not a good mom. But I was reading on another post here today that having the school do the evaluation can be more comfortable for the child because they are more familiar with their school and their teachers. It also said that the school doesn't necessarily have to accept the findings of whomever evaluates them. So now I can see both sides and don't really know which is best. My son does do much better in familiar settings. Is there any reason why I should not have them do it. I guess if I am to this point, I'm not going to be hiding any of the findings. I don't know what I was going to hide before, for goodness sakes we are like the Cleavers!
So there it is, confessions of a hard headed mom... any advice and support would really, really be appreciated.
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This must be very hard for you to put into words. Thank you for sharing this with us. I think you are very brave to confront your fear and put your child's needs first. That is not an easy thing to do, but keep doing it! I'm glad that you are seeing that nobody is attacking your child, and that you no longer need to defend him against an invisible attack. Many, many, MANY parents never come to this realization, often to the detriment of their child. Your child will be so much better off, because you are working as a team player with the school, to do whatever it takes to ensure that your child gets everything possible.
I encourage you to have the school do the testing. It is free for you, and from my experience, they use highly qualified individuals to do this testing.
Again, thank you for sharing your story with us. I truly hope it helps someone else, as well. I wish you the very best with your son. Please keep us posted.
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I know from previous discussions on this subject that you have been very hesitant to have any kind of testing or intervention. I'm glad you've changed your mind on that. Try to look at the evaluation as HELPING you, not labelling him or insulting you or him. There are many children who are very bright who have some problems that keep them from working to their potential. I know I've talked before about my dd who has a MENSA level IQ and scores off the charts on standardized testing, yet was struggling horribly in the early years of elementary school. I was glad to get her tested because it was so frustrating to me to see my bright child doing poorly and see the beginnings of her not even wanting to try anymore because she just couldn't do it. I know there are lots of different opinions on this subject and sometimes the discussions can get heated, but I've never regretted ONE DAY getting her tested or treated. My child who was struggling just to complete her second grade homework is now in HS taking honors & AP classes and excelling at school and LOVES school. So just try to look at it as you're helping your child. And understand that just because they're bright they won't be able to overcome obstacles if they have learning problems.
I also think it's important to not let him see your anxiety over this issue. I know you've also talked alot about feeling over anxious about him and I think it would be bad for him to feel that. I don't treat my dd any differently. We don't openly share her diagnosis or treatment with people we know, although some people close to us know. Otherwise, she's just a normal healthy happy teenager. We just don't talk about it much. I assume she'll succeed, and she does her best to do so.
It sounds like you have a wonderful school system that's willing to work with you. You're right....they cannot make you do anything you don't want. With my dd, they would just sort of "hint" about what might help, but I then took all the test results to my pediatrician that I trust and we discussed them and decided what to do. The school cannot dictate what you do. So the worst that happens is they test him, they make recommendations you don't want to follow, and you tell them to drop dead But the best that could happen is that you find a solution that helps your bright little boy fit in better and succeed at school better.
Best of luck!!
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What a BIG person you are to post this. I know how hard it is! My respect for you just went almost off the scale! Honey, trust me, this is the BEST thing you can be doing for your child. If your child were in pain, you would do something to alleviate the pain. If he had a hard time learning something, you would change the tactic and find a different way to teach, as we all learn differently. That is what you are doing here: first finding out what makes him special and where he may need aids and accommodations. This makes neither of you less perfect.
I strongly lean toward having a private diagnosis through a developmental pediatrician. They are more trained in different "disorders" and can more comprehensively suggest how to help you and your son overcome challenges, socially, as well as educationally. His word does carry more weight. He may also test for food sensitivities, which do come into play w/behavior and learning.
Yes, highly intelligent children can have special needs. My son is one of them. The high IQ is actually part of his Aspergers. It doesn't make him any less of a child; just a child who has certain needs to learn in his style. An IEP, if he has an actual disability (like my child) will afford him more services. A 504 is something to fall back on if he doesn't qualify for an IEP. If you get a chance, try to read through the other posts on this board. I have the feeling you will find some info that will fit and have a few "AHA" moments.
As always, feel free to pm me. I've been through it. I'm so glad you are taking this step, for all of your sakes. Now the tough part: getting dh on board. But it's OK. You do what you have to do, and he will probably s-l-o-w-l-y come around. Just tell him you need his unbridled support no matter what, as you will be the one researching and working with this, undoubtedly.
We are here for you, as always. There was no way we could make you do something when you were in denial, but want to be here for support when you need us. Please use this board for support and help with questions. So many of us have been there. We may not have all the answers, but we have been on our paths alone too much to not help someone else!! No mom or family should have to go this alone.
But this is for you and him::rah rah: :yay!:
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<Big smile>
Dh is ready to do whatever we have to do. Somehow, we both made our peace with this at the same time.
Thanks everyone!
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Treehugger, Your story made me cry, I read it to my sil on the phone who went through a very similar situation with her son many eons ago. I can happily say he graduated HS last year! Good luck to your son, he will suceed and your paving the way for him to do so!
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Big hugs to you!! I know that was very hard for you both!!! I hope you find something that works for your son.