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Help!!
My baby boy is five days old (and too cute for words). Came home from the hospital on Thursday, and that night was a killer. It must be some sort of initiation for new parents, not sleeping aaaallllllllllllllll night. He just would NOT go to sleep unless he was in our arms... the second we put him down in the bassinet he would wail. The next day we had a postpartum checkup with a nurse, and what she said makes perfect sense: that since the baby was inside of me for so long, he doesn't even realize we're two separate people and so it isn't so bad to hold him through the night. Yes, I understand that co-sleeping is generally thought to be BAD, so that's why I wasn't too sure about the idea.
But I decided to try holding him Friday night... and we actually got some sleep. I never rolled over... just stayed on my back with him on my chest the whole time. Had to get up a few times, of course, to feed and all that. But it was much better than the first night.
Last night (Sat. night) I slept with him in my arms again. (We had tried to put him in the swing first, but he didn't like that one bit.) He only woke up twice. It was wonderful. And I love holding him... I hate putting him down for anything.
But I know I can't keep doing this too much longer, and I don't know how to get him to sleep by himself. Should we try to get him to sleep in the swing, then transition to bassinet, then to crib? Have you all read the book Baby Wise? That book was given to me and highly recommended by friends, but it says exactly the opposite to what the nurse told me! Ack! I can't handle mixed messages!
I'm proud of myself just now, since he's actually taking a nap in the bassinet. But I had to nurse him to sleep first... and that book says you're not supposed to do that in order to establish a good sleeping pattern of sleep, eat, waketime. So maybe I'm making some progress, and I'm surely being way too paranoid. But this new mommy stuff is pretty overwhelming, and combined with the postpartum weepiness that I'm dealing with (even with getting almost a full night's sleep!), I'm having a rough time sorting this all out. Any advice you could give me would be much appreciated. Thanks!
-Sarah
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Most people will tell you that in the first few weeks of a baby's life, you do what you can just to get by! I have several friends who parent according to Baby Wise and I seem to remember that even that book doesn't recommend trying to put a baby younger than a couple weeks of age on a schedule. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're comfortable letting your baby sleep on your chest and if both you and he are getting rest - don't worry about what the books say - trust your instincts.
I put my first baby to bed drowsy but awake from the time he was 3 weeks old but with my second I fell into the habit of nursing him to sleep at night for the first several months. In the end, I had horrible sleep issues with my older son (starting when he was about 9 months old) until I decided to let him cry it out when he was about 18 months old. My younger son is almost 18 months old and has yet to have any significant night time sleep issues (other than an occasional night when he might cry for a short period of time when we put him to bed). Not every baby eats and sleeps "by the book."
When I first began parenting, I was very much against the Baby Wise system and much more in favor of eating and sleeping on demand (not attachment parenting, but more in the Dr. Sears camp). After two babies I find I am most comfortable parenting somewhere in the middle (and I'm still learning!). I am not a rigid scheduler, but I do like to find and try to stick with my child's basic routine (while still maintaining some flexibility if necessary) - if that makes any sense.
I guess what I am trying to say is that eventually you will find a system that works for you and that you are comfortable with. As long as your baby is happy and healthy and you are happy and healthy, don't worry about what any book (or anyone else for that matter) has to say about it.
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I agree, there's so much info (all claiming to be THE ONLY way) that I went into serious overload and it just made me nuts. I ended up stepping back and looking at things objectively (SOOO hard on a sleep deprived new mommy, I know ) and realizing that I really was doing the best I could and what I was doing was working okay for us at the time.
What worked for us during the 0-2 month sleeping stage was DS sleeping right beside my bed in his baby carrier. He was comfy and I slept much better knowing that I could touch him and hear him. We transitioned to a crib after that.
Good luck and nap when they nap!
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Books don't raise babies, as our ped. says. I dislike Babywise strongly. W/my first, he slept in our bed and his cradle. I at least got some sleep then.
W/my second, I bought "the Snuggle Nest" at Target for those first few months. It was in our bed and gave her her own space, although she kept sliding down. Then, I just let her sleep in her own spot w/me. It really is easier, especially if you're nursing and can use the side laying position.
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Originally Posted by desertmom
Books don't raise babies, as our ped. says. I dislike Babywise strongly. W/my first, he slept in our bed and his cradle. I at least got some sleep then.
W/my second, I bought "the Snuggle Nest" at Target for those first few months. It was in our bed and gave her her own space, although she kept sliding down. Then, I just let her sleep in her own spot w/me. It really is easier, especially if you're nursing and can use the side laying position.
Amen!! lol!! I'm on my 4th soon, and have never tried to follow any books, or "expert" opinions.. I went with my gut, and what my baby wanted. And it works... I know you're tired, but if co-sleeping is working for you, then do it. I always nursed my babies to sleep at night and didn't think it was a big deal.. I don't like to let them cry, so if they want held, then so be it. 5 days old is SOOOOOO new.. enjoy this time with him! It goes by *SO* fast!!
I always keep the baby in with us 'till they start sleeping for good chunks of the night.. I feel better with baby right there and it's SO easy to get them to nurse before they're fully awake.. kwim?
Sending your little guy sleep vibes! Hang in there and just do what you think is best!!
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I have 4 sons- my 2nd and 4th ones NEVER would sleep in the bassinet! Then just would never sleep in it. Your little one is IMO still too young- hold him for awhile if it helps. I remember nursing in the reclining chair and we would sleep there all night.
Some say to warm the bed up with a heating blanket- so he will sleep better. I always make sure they are warm enough- maybe put a onsies, PJs and a sleeper on.
Put your arm on his tummy lightly when you lie him first down. He can still feel and smell you.
Lastly, IMO about never feeding them to sleep- again he is still to young- I think when he is about 6-8 months you want to have him more in a rountine when it comes to bedtime and he will go down better for you then.
No- this is my last comment My friend told me with my first son.. every sleepless night is one night closer to getting some sleep. I always thought of that when I was so tried I just wanted to cry! So this too shall pass
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I don't like all those books either. One says to do this and another says to do that. YOU do what YOU feel is right and what will get you some rest.
I know exactly how your feeling. When my DD #1 was born, I was so sleep deprived I didn't think I was going to make it. She cried for 2-3 hours straight at night and I didn't know what to do. My SIL gave me a Miracle blanket which swaddles the baby and make the baby feel secure and tight, that helped along with her sleeping in the car carrier and that worked, but after a few months we switched to a swing and then she eventually made it to her crib.
With DD #2, we gave her a pacifier and she didn't like the car seat or the miracle blanket, so I had to try different things whether the books say it is ok or not. I also used a Co-sleeper, which attaches to your side of the mattress.
Just know that you will get through this very difficult time. Let your son sleep on your chest at night and maybe during the day for his naps try to put him in his crib or bassinet. Try using the miracle blanket or use a regular baby blanket to swaddle him. He's still so "new" that he doesn't know anything else but to cry. Just give him what he wants so the both of you can get some rest.
PLEASE PLEASE sleep when he sleeps! Just go with your instincts.
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Thanks, everybody! You all made me feel much better.
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The best thing in the world when I had DS was a co-sleeper. It's a pack/play with a "shelf" for the baby to sleep in. (click this to see one: CO-SLEEPER PHOTO) we attached it to my side of the bed, and i could lay DS in there at night and put my hand on him so he knew i was there. at night, i could prop myself up on a pillow and change him or slide him out of the co-sleeper, nurse him, and slide him right back in pretty much without him waking up at all. he took his naps in there too. the other thing I had that worked wonders was a little baby sleeping bag. i dont know if that's what it's called (probably not ) but that's exactly what it was. He slept so well inside of that; i would open it up, lay him in, cover him with a blanket and then zip up the sleeping bag (it stopped at his chest). I loved that thing. He was in the co-sleeper for almost 4 months, and then i put him in his crib. i'd put him down groggy but still awake, and i know that not having to nurse or rock him to sleep has formed his sleeping habits (i can put him down for a nap or bed and he'll go to sleep on his own). although on the other hand, i always longed for DS to fall asleep in my arms and he rarely did. he won't even sleep on me in the grocery store, etc (you know how sometimes you see kids sleeping on their parents shoulder? not my son). Do what you have to in order to keep your sanity and bounce back from delivering him. It may take a while, but getting back on your feet will give you the energy and mental clarity to establish something of a routine later when he's old enough to do so. And definately nap when he does - no matter what your house looks like!!!!!
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Hi, I wrote a similar post to yours a while ago, about co-sleeping problems. My son is eight weeks old tomorrow -wow- time goes by so fast. He is a totally different little person now than when we first brought him home.
Its hard knowing what to do when you're so sleep deprived and your hormones are going on a roller coaster ride. I was so anxiety-ridden the first few weeks that I actually could not sleep almost at all. I remember telling myself over and over, sleep when the baby sleeps, sleep when the baby sleeps...but I couldn't do it, I was in some kind of wide awake zombie mode.
I don't think any one way of sleeping is necessarily "bad." My son sleeps in his bassinet for the first part of the night now, and sleeps with us the rest of the night. Its been quite a journey to get him to sleep in there at all. Feel free to PM me if you need some extra help! Sometimes I'll have to put him in his swing to get him to fall asleep.
I also think its good to trust your own instincts. While they tell you at the hospital that the baby needs to sleep by himself, I doubt this works in real life. The nurse who told you your baby doesn't know he is seperate from you yet is probably right. I've been reading the book "Our babies, Ourselves" which talks about how a baby is physiologically tied to its mother, and it will breathe/sleep by regulating its patterns to mom's. So, when you sleep next to your baby, you're actually teaching your baby how to sleep. This seems to make sense to me, even though its a far cry from most advice you'll get from Dr.s.