Ask:
Yesterday was report card day.
How do you deal with the differences between your SN kids and your other kids with regards to report cards?
My SN son got low marks but in our eyes (and in his teacher's eyes) he did great. DD got higher marks but they both did their best.
I think ds was a little disappointed in his low marks even though we never actually told him his sister's marks .. he could tell by her reaction.
How do you handle report card time with your other kids?
Answer:
I hope someone can jump in here because I don't have any other children in the home so I don't know.
I thank you for the post because it got me thinking, how do we keep up self esteem in our SN child when they are being graded on NT scale?
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It's difficult. I just try to judge him on if he did the best he could and that includes trying to get projects and homework in on time. he does not get punished for not making honor roll like his older brother does as long as i know he's trying.
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My son is only in first grade, but his teacher grades him on his own development, not always against what the others are doing. She knows him well and knows what he can and can't do. We're not talking about won't do. It's based on improvement. My son is very, very bright, but has such a hard time getting it out. In truth, our communication is so open that his report card is not a surprise. He is getting middle of the road grades. But we work very hard to get his homework in, and he works hard, too.
If your child is getting low grades, I would meet w/the school and find out how best to raise them. Are there accommodations needed? For instance, extended, non-distractable test times? Oral giving of tests questions? Tutoring needs? I never plan on punishing for low grades, because it's my job to be involved enough to know when there is a problem and help head it off. My son tries so hard, and sometimes it just doesn't click until we find the special key. I remember the feeling.
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We are running into this too. My youngest gets a perfect report card with happy, positive comments each time. It's just harder for my oldest. His grades dropped considerably this quarter. It's just so hard for him. I wish I had the answer....
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What's worse is when you go to a store which rewards A's on report cards with special coupons or tokens.
My DD is gifted and blessed with straight A's. My DS is the exact opposite, we struggle to get C's and even D's. Our local video store gives coupons for free rentals free computer game rentals for every A. The school passes out a flyer so everyone knows. My DS is lucky to get one (his PE grade) while DD can't use all hers. I used to take them in separately but now DD shares the rentals or will rent a game that DS will play.
I talk to my DS and let him know that not everyone gets great grades. I've even showed him my grade school report cards. I let him know how proud we are of him on the baseball field, the soccer field and in scouts. I take lots of extra pictures of him succeeding and stress these in his school scrapbooks.
I know it still hurts him. The look in his eyes is heart-breaking.
Answer:
Well I can only speak from my own experience. My younger brother (one year behind in school) always struggled with school, meanwhile I was a very good student. So I'd come home with my all A's and he'd come home with C's. But my parents never made any difference whatsoever. They'd tell both of us we did well and act as pleased for both of us. I loved my brother so I was glad they did that, as I didn't want him to feel bad. I'm sure at some level he knew he didn't do as well (my older brother was also an excellent student), but it wasn't from my parents response. As an adult I've often thought about that and respected them for that.
With my own two children, my dd is very gifted and has always been in the gifted program and honors and AP classes. My son, although better is some areas, has never done as well as her in general. He's NOT been in gifted or honors classes. We also don't make a big deal about it or mention it, but I know a few times he's said things that shows he thinks he's not as smart as her and I can tell he feels bad. One thing we have done is to frequently mention the things he IS good at such as spelling and history so he also has something to be proud of. The only thing we tell our kids is that we don't care about the grade, but we DO care if they're not working hard or not doing homework, etc.
So I guess my advice is to not mention it, but since they'll notice on their own, especially as they get older, just find something else they do well to brag on. HTH