Ask:
When did you get your DD's their first bra? Was it because she needed it - or wanted it?
The subject came up last night with my DD #1 that she is interested in getting a bra. Now ~ she only JUST turned 10, is in 4th grade, and by no means needs one, but feels that she is interested in getting one "because I'm the only girl in my class that DOESN'T wear one".
Her overall 4th grade is rather small consisting of only 11 girls total. I guess there were about 6 (or so) of them in the bathroom the other day talking about how they all wear a bra. We talked about how she knew they were really wearing one or just talking stuff & we talked about her reasons for getting one ~ being true to herself or giving into this "peer pressure" kind of situation. She agreed to think about her reasons again, and if she decides she is comfortable with her reasons for getting one - we will go out and get one.
Am I making a bigger deal out of this than it should be? Should I have just gone out and got her one?
Answer:
I would. You are right in teaching about peer pressure, but clothing is.....well, pretty important. That doesn't mean that just because her friends dress hootchie, that she can, but a bra is kind of the opposite of that. She wants to be maturing as her friends are. I had my first training bra at 9, but I needed it. I can't see the harm it will do. Besides, she may simply find it constricting and uncomfortable and choose not to wear it until she needs it anyway. I'd just get two for now and see how it goes. Just basic ones, not anything frilly. After all, no one should be looking at it.
I saw a little girl in the mall tonight, about 9 or 10, and in truth, I usually don't even notice girls or even women's chests unless there's a huge reason (pun intended). This little girl had the nubs and really did need to be wearing one - not for support, but for discretion. On the other hand, I saw another girl wearing one of those padded ones, pretty, shaped and padded, and....obvious. Her shirt was not see-through, but thin enough to see the bra features. She probably thought it made her look bigger, but it just made her look padded. Your daughter needs to know that. Padding is to enhance, not to put there what isn't there. Only God and surgery can do that - oh yeah, and sometimes duct tape, but she doesn't need to know that .
I didn't want my first bra, by the way, because my dad was merciless in his embarrassing me with his not funny jokes. But mom was right on this one.
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I would get her one (or two)... my dd is only 9 and has a couple... just the 'sports' type for when she feels like wearing them.. I think it would make a nice shopping trip for the two of you! Can make it a special 'girls day' with lunch and bra shopping!
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I would get her one...even if it just peer pressure, why not? I just wouldn't battle over this one, she'll need one eventually, and you can get her those camis with the shelf bra or sport type bras in the meantime.
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Okay, I know I'm a little out there on this one BUT I have a good reason. My DD is only 5yrs old. I have a really hard time getting her to dress warmly during the winter. She is such a fashionista that the only way I could get her to put more layers over her chest is to allow her to wear a little bralette - like a half spaghetti strap T-shirt. She must have about a half dozen. She also wears them when we work-out - yoga, tai chi, etc.
For us, the first 'bra' isn't an issue. It will be a very long time before she get a padded bra. I think those things in the kids' department are terrible! I have seen PUSH-UP bras available at this age. What are they thinking?!?!?! The only reason I can see for SOME padding in a training bra is because those little nipples are very sensitive when they first start developing and the padding helps reduce the amount of rubbing that goes on. However, the padded bras now on the market are so 'solid' and specifically formed I don't think the padding is there for protection.
Anyway, my attitude is, when my girl is at the age of development, she can have a few items with a 'bra strap' design just so she doesn't feel left out, whether she is developing or not. She and I will talk about the importance of a good bra when the topic needs to be addressed.
My step-DD was a size DD when she was 14-yrs old and her mom would only buy her cheap, size C bras. The poor kid needed SUPPORT and it was worse for her to be spilling out of an ill fitting bra because of the attention that look gets. I got her properly fitted for a bra and she was disappointed that she couldn't wear the more fashionable designs that come in smaller sizes but she admitted she was much more comfortable.
Answer:
I had the opposite problem. I finally had to almost MAKE my dd wear a bra. For some reason she thought it was traumatic to have to wear one. I know when I took her 5th grade GS troop camping overnight, all the girls wore "something"....bras, athletic bras, camis etc. I finally got her to by buying those pullover stretchy athletic type bras. She still (at 16) prefers those to regular bras, although she has some of each. I would go ahead and get her something if she's self conscious about it, but it doesn't have to be a bra with lots of padding, etc. just something to make her more comfortable. Plus I agree with desertmom that at some point they need them to be more "modest" if you will. HTH
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I'd let her get one. Self esteem is hard at this age...and will be for a few years. She, and YOU, can't give into everything...but this is one that isn't that big of a deal. Also, make sure you check out the ones that are nothing more than a spaghettir strap undershirt..just half the length! Both of my older girls went this route before they moved to "big girl" bras!
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I let my DD get one in 5th grade (when she asked) for the same reasons. I agree with the self esteem point, I also felt the need to foster modesty. She grew up to be a very independant person who dressed the way she chose even if it wasn't what her friends were wearing.
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my 3rd grader has been asking for them. Her friend has them. I told her she didn't need them yet, but I would keep my eye out. She has friends in her class that actually need them.
allgirls
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There is a littel girl in my dd 1st grade class that supposedly wears one!! (this has been said by my dd and another girl I found out!! ) I dont think she needs one! but who am I to judge!! I wasnt sure if my dd was asking for one or not!! so I asked her if that is where she was going with this when she told me!! she said no!! (Figuring if she was I would take her and get a tank style one Thinking there are worse battles (of course I was HAPPY she didnt want one) but still sometimes those small things can make a girl feel soo much better!!