Ask:
I received an email back from the principal I've been seething about. He just seems to discount this. But there is a lining:
I assure you were are away of the issue and working all aspects of
this. The good news is that there were no incidents today. Part of the problem is that it has built up from previous events where I have witnessed DS yelling in Demon's ear, waving, and hitting as well (um, ladies, he was actually yelling to stop and trying to protect himself. He's trying to blame my son? I know my son, and he doesn't hit or yell in people's ears. He is loud, yes, but he doesn't intentionally hit others.)
While the past events may have not been provoked, breaking this cycle now that DS may have stopped is a challenge.
Consequences are used. I am not sure what solutions you may be suggesting, but today with the sub was wonderful. It looks like Teacher will be out as well, but Mrs. Substitute is here at Sierra a great deal and knows both boys very well. I would certainly welcome any ideas you may have to help support DS. Teacher will probably be out tomorrow as well. I will continue to monitor the situation, checking in and being very involved. Unfortunately, we are working with multiple issues on both sides and trying to provide the best solutions that are developmentally appropriate for DS and his peers. I take your
concerns very seriously and will continue to address the situation.
HERE'S MY RESPONSE TO HIM:
Subject: RE: A Request for a meeting
Thank you for your message. DS did say today went well, so I'm very glad. It's just that there were two incidents last week, which seemed to be an escalation. And I don't know what solutions there are, except making it so both boys aren't even in a position to be near each other, which I know Teacher has tried very hard to do. However, the few times the kids are out of her sight are when these things happen.
The threats of death, though, while usually would be a first grade ranting, are more than that, in the way they are worded. Of course, I don't think
Demon is capable of that at his age, but it's very disturbing to DS, plus the physical hitting.
How about if we sit down to brainstorm - I know time is a premium for everyone, especially this time of the year so I'd like to do it quickly and briefly. I am concerned over this next month and a half what could happen if we don't. What if we had a sit down with you, Teacher, Resourse Teacher and DS? That way, we can discuss with DS what you've seen, too. He'll see we're trying to help, and we can talk about exactly
what is going on. I know DS is not an angel, but it is not like himto
hit, and he doesn't remember doing that or yelling in Demon's ear -although
he does talk too loudly. That's why I'm thinking it may be good to have him
there with us to discuss his part in this, and he can leave if the adults
need to talk. Yes, he needs to deal with this, but we have to stop itfrom
happening. These last two incidents were unprovoked. He was at a drinking
fountain and felt something hit him in the back twice. The third time, he realized it was Demon running and hitting him. Then, at the zoo last week, he got in line after lunch, and said "Hi, Demon (of course he used demon's real name)." Demon raised his fist and
said, "I want you to scram!" At some point he had told DS he'd wanted him to get lost in the zoo. Anyway, DS got scared and walked away.
Demon was trying to hit him on the head with a water bottle, missed and once
again hit his back, hard enough to cause crying. It was a bad week.
This is not under your responsibility of course, but this weekend, at a social event, he said a few rude things to DS, for which there was no cause (as with the yelling in the face during a class event, which I witnessed - DS hadn't even been near him). Demon's mom tried to keep space between the two.
I know there are underlying issues, and I know there are things that can't be discussed with me, as his mom and I do talk (she's a wonderful person). My only concern and business is with DS' safety and education. He is anxious about this.
After we speak with DS included, you can decide what to do to stop it.
I don't really care what the consequence is, and don't feel it's my business. I just don't want him in danger and dreading school. Please let me know if we can get together, and of course, I will meet your schedule. I wish we can just say the end of the year is near, but after last week, I don't think we can. And if you think it best to have Demon's mom in this, we can do that too.
Thank you very much for your help in this. I'm sure you have more experience
in this than I, which is why I'm hoping a brainstorming could help. Otherwise, having Demon watched constantly is the only other thing I can see, from my perspective.
NOW, for today's update:
DS reported that Demon got up from his seat while sub teacher wasn't watching and put his hands around ds' neck, squeezing slightly - not enough to hurt, but this demon seed should not be near my son.
The Principal finally sent me a message asking that we meet Thursday, and the district prevention specialist will be there. Yay! I have the feeling he reported it in, knowing I'm serious and was told to take this route. He, as a principal, should be trained in knowing what to do!
Also, yesterday, Demon's little demonette girlfriend wrote "Kill DS" on a piece of paper and tried to get one of ds' friends to write it, too, which he wouldn't, saying he was ds' friend. So this is seen and copied by the others. The demonette is the exculsionary leader of the class. She is rude and a bully, but hasn't been a physical danger like this kid.
Is it summer yet?
Answer:
Oh my...
Your plate is certainly full, I feels so bad for you. I think you are handling it well - better than I would at this point.
I'm still curious why a child this hostile and physically agressive does not have one on one behavioral support. This would not fly in our district, I'm not familiar with yours.
Good luck with your meeting. I hope the outcome is appropriate for the needs of both children. Please keep us posted
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At least you finally have a meeting. Is his teacher going to be there as well? Make a list with dates and incidents and bring it with you. Demand that a plan be in place as to what is going to be done for further incidents. If this continues I would consider legal action, see if the police can do something. If an adult put his/her hands around someone's neck they would be arrested but nothing is done to these brats. Does the school have cameras in the hallway or classrooms. If so I would demand to see them.
Good luck and keep as posted.
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The other child put his hands around your sons neck!?!
I could never leave my child in that kind of an environment... I really pray that this gets 'taken care of' and quickly before it escalates... I feel SO bad for you and especially your son.. It's just not right...
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This whole thing breaks my heart for your ds, and you. I hope you find a solution soon. I am in shock that a child put his hands around your childs throat. That is awful! Good luck, and big Hugs.
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Oh my goodness!! I hope all goes well at your meeting. I suppose it is too late to have one of them switch classes?? With it being so close to the end of the year. This is all just so horrible. Keep up udated!! Big Hugs!!
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I really have no advice for you. I'm just so sorry you are going through it. Your letter sounded wonderful, if anything perhaps a bit too understanding on behalf of the school, though I would have done the very same thing. I can appreciate that they have a difficult job. However, what the bullies are doing is just not acceptable, and really does require serious attention. It almost sounds like the school should implement some sort of restraining order, not allowing DB or his GF within however many feet of your ds, though I can only imagine how tough that is with DB's parents not holding him accountable for his actions at home. BIG Hugs to you and sending lots of prayers and your way for tomorrow's meeting.
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Sorry your son has to be around these kids. It breaks my heart to hear of evil children and their victims. How will they be as they get older? I sent you a pm from a Dear Abby article I read!
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Urg, Carol, I don't even know what to say other than I am furious at the lack of discipline by the school regarding demon! You are doing a great job and keeping a level head, that is important. Do remember that it is demon who has issues that need to be resolved and it is he that is putting your child at risk.
Once again, at a last resort, filing suit to get the attention of the school will get the attention and pave the way for others but at your expense of time and money and emotions. It is a last resort but may be necessary.
Can the school put the demon in another class for the rest of the year? What solutions are you looking at? Please read wrightslaw.
Big Hugs to you, April
Answer:
April, I want to address you first. I can't find anything really pertaining to this on Wrights Law. Can you PLEASE show me, or copy me, where I can find something? All I found on bullying was a reference to a page in the Table of Contents, but I can't find the document with the page.
There are no cameras in the school. That would show so much!
I got an email back from the principal today with a time for the meeting. He was clear that it had to be short (understandable) on such short notice. Ummmm....This IS an emergency.
I also called the district to see if there was an autism/Aspergers' specialist employed by the district. No. They have a team. However, you could feel the wagons circling to protect their own. She offered to call the principal to see if he wanted someone from the team to attend. I stressed that I am on a fact finding mission, and that if she called him, he may think I'm going over his head, and I want to meet with him first.
My solution is for someone in this school is to tell this kid that he is not to touch my son at all, good or bad. I don't even want this kid talking to my son, since he is so schizo. Removal of this kid isn't going to happen. I already sense that. I need them to be strong with this kid from ground zero. I need enforcement. Think about it. If your kid hurts others, you feel awful. If it continues, despite discipline, doesn't that tell you that the discipline is ineffective? Removal and isolation may be the only way to keep others safe. One of you asked me about what solution I want. I want my son safe in his classroom without worrying about what damaging thing this kid will say and do next. He feels he has no friends except for maybe 2 in this class.
Ugh! I just got an email that his Resource Teacher can't be in the meeting. That's a problem, as she understands the Asperger side of it, but I can't wait for a reschedule.
And today is his birthday.