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I just posted this in the News section about the VA Tech killings:
People died because the school admin were frozen into inaction. They didn't take it seriously, thinking the guy had escaped - they didn't know what to do.
Wonder if they also had zero tolerance policies for bullying. This tragedy is being called worse than Columbine by the media.
I wonder if ds' school will now take bullying even more seriously. Yes, I've kept quite about this today until now. His school sent home an email to let us know that our kids may hear about this tonight and that they will have counselors available tomorrow to help the kids. I let the teacher know that I am choosing to shield ds from this info. He is already anxious about his safety from his bully. His bully was out today, and ds was so relaxed! No way am I going to let him know about this in light of the "kill" threats he got from his first grade bully. I really have been charitable, but they need to get this kid under control so something like this doesn't come from him.
UPDATE: We did meet w/the school last week. I didn't update because it really didn't seem to accomplish anything. The district prevention rep was there. They assured me they "take it very seriously", but the conversation centered around the fact that ds doesn't report these incidents as soon as they happen, so a new process is being put in place. Also, comments were made that this will probably be ds' reality as he gets older, so he needs to be taught how to deal with it. I agree with this, but my stance is: PREVENT IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS. Stop it on a dime, harshly, if needed, the first time it happens. That is zero tolerance. I was pis*ed because I had dh attend w/me to help w/the baby, but also to help me with my stand, since we know the school bands together for legal reasons. He said very little, yet on the phone afterward, he made statements that made me say, "Why didn't you speak up?" He said he couldn't get a word in. Bull. Anyway, after the meeting, I went to pick up ds. All the kids filed into the classroom. Demon was behind ds and didn't see me. I saw him making motions of pretending to hit my son on the head and shoulders with a scowl on his face. I bent down and asked him twice, "What was that all about, xxx?" He completely ignored me. Then my son came over and told me demon had hit him again just before that in line. DS was at the end of the line and demon came up to him. As instructed, ds went to the front of the line to get away from demon. Demon followed him and hit him on the head hard. Then and there I had him go report it to the teacher. Part of the problem, according to the principal, is that he will ask my son how his day went. I have been teaching ds that when people ask how you are, they don't want to know about every little ache and pain; they are being polite, so I've been teaching him to respond, "Fine, thank you, and you?" or a similar comment. That's how he's been taking his principal's inquiries, not knowing the principal is really asking about the problems, specifically. The principal doesn't realize he has to be specific. He doesn't want to say specifically, "How was it with xxx today?" because they are trying to get ds to not obsess so much and focus on positive. I did tell them that's hard when you're anxious about getting hurt.
Anyway, I was so upset that this happened again, same day as the meeting, that I left voice mails with the principal, teacher and resource teacher, stating that I really didn't feel we accomplished a lot because I still didn't see that anything was really happening to stop the problems before they happened. We focused on reporting incidents after they happened. My dh thought I was wrong in leaving the messages. I stated that I thought someone needs to talk to this kid and put the "fear of God" in him and let him know what will happen if he threatens or touches my son again.
I did get a message back from the principal, stating again that it is being taken seriously (see a pattern?) but that he doesn't believe in governing by fear. He is right - I will concede that. But as I put in my return message, what has been done is not working.
Demon was out today. Was it a suspension? I don't know. I don't like suspensions because it teaches the child that they get a day off school if they're bad. Is he sick? No comment. Either way, let's see what happens. At least he was safe today.
I know they do take it seriously, and we don't want to damage either child. I really do feel bad for this little boy's family. But I feel worse for my son.
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Please don't take offense but have you considering changing schools? Is that even an option?
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This is the best district in the state and the best elementary school in the district. I have polled many other parents and made anonymous fact-finding phone calls. The charter schools don't have the resources needed. I really do think this is the best choice for him, but this one problem needs to be fixed.
I have stated that I will keep him home if I feel he is unsafe. Not ideal, but necessary if needed. My God, we're talking first graders here. They are still manageable at this age! I know that my son would lose all privileges, including Bionicles if he were repeatedly hurting another boy. That is his currency. Find the kid's currency, as Dr. Phil says.
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My prayers and heart go out to you. I don't know how you have been able to deal with this without losing your temper or your mind.
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I am frustrated for you!! you have good control!! Prayers for you and your son!! Also for the other child that He gets the help he needs!!! This is soo crazy NO child should feel unsafe at school!!
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He didn't attend school today, and I was reading through the school's policy guide. He may be in an alternative setting for a few days. This would mean that we won. However, I don't feel victorious at all. I just feel bad for him. I'm really not a wimp. I just feel bad for him and his family. But I did see a palpable difference in my son today. Much more lighthearted. Plus, he stayed after school to work one-on-one w/his teacher to make up for time lost while he was sick. He actually enjoyed it! She showed me how well he did on it, and she'd made the work enjoyable.
Just wish it hadn't had to come to this point. But it is not due to my son's actions, it's due to the other little boy's. No victory dance, though.
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I'm so happy that your son finally had a stressfree day. Big hugs.
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Originally Posted by desertmom
Also, comments were made that this will probably be ds' reality as he gets older, so he needs to be taught how to deal with it.
That statement from the school bigwigs just irritates me. Why should it be your ds's reality (or any other child's)? It's almost like the school is saying "We know there's a problem, but we really don't know what to do about it <shrug>. Just deal with it and don't bother us anymore, OK?"
I get mad at Little Satan everytime I read your posts.
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Ok~~~ I'm flaming
This is your ds REALITY???..........yes IT IS actually because they are choosing to make it such.
Your child has a problem so that ends up being the heathens get out of jail free card???
They are blowing you off cause there's only a few weeks left I bet...I would definately NOT let these 2 be assigned in a class together next year.
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Yep. I have the same feelings about the reality comment. And when that was said in the meeting my response was (and I reiterated it in both the voice mails and follow up emails) - why should it have to be? We need to stop it at its core - isn't that what zero tolerance is really about? They clammed up.
I've been told that he definitely won't be in the same class - I think it's too disruptive to the school. That was one thing I was strong on during conferences and IEP meetings. They have also promised that all outside monitors will be put on alert, too...that's been done before, so I need to push that one.
We'll be having a couple of meetings before school starts once the new teacher is secured. But yeah, their big thing is teaching him how to handle it - they mean by knowing who he can report to and to do it immediately. But they need to teach prevention. Discipline the very first time it happens and stop the verbal nasties from the very beginning. His teacher was big on letting kids work their own problems out, but Asperger kids just don't have that skill. I was speaking with the district about having further required training if a teacher has a SN kid in their class. If there is an Aspergers child, they need to read up and learn what makes them tick and why they don't understand directions - repeating and going louder doesn't help them understand - approaching the statement differently does.
Since diva will be older next year, I'm hoping to join the PTO (probably make enemies, as I can be persistent) and be in the classroom more. I can't say I'm optimistic yet, but hoping.