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A GOOD friend of mine went back to work in March. She arranged for a mom of her dd's friend to watch her 2.5 year old son. She could not do it for four days so I watched him those four days.
About a week ago, I posted about this here, she was told by two other teachers and a parent that the mom (Jen) was not so nice to her dd at Field Day when she was supposed to be looking out for her, taking her to lunch, etc. She came to me crying asking me to watch both children for the four teacher workdays after school gets out. I decided to do that.
At that time, I asked about her ds. She said he was ok staying there that the problem seemed to be her only with her dd. Well, Jen also works at our MOPS meetings and brings Nathan. He is in my dd's class and today was our last meeting so the kids all came over for food and a slide show. Instead of coming over with Jen, they brought Nathan to the room and he was confused so I took him with me to get food, drink, play with my kids. No big deal. That could have been some confusion on others parts, not Jen's. BUT when Jen CAME into the room, she totally ignored Nathan. She didn't even look for him. Another friend commented on it, too, so it was not just me being sort of ticked. She was there 20 minutes before she even came over to him!! Then she proceeded to tell me that he was "ornary" today. Hello! You only saw him for an hour before you brought him here and he has been away from you! How does she know that? He seemed fine when he was with me. He was dancing, playing, blowing a whistle, having a good time.
Now, I love these kids! This is a really, really good friend and I have known Nathan since he was born. While I don't particularly want to take on the role of caregiver, I know if I say something, she is going to ask me and I am inclined to say YES to get him away from Jen. But, Jen's dd is also in my friend's class that she teaches, which I know has already caused some friction and if I say something like this, it will only make that worse.
Should I not say anything? I don't think he is being abused, but I don't think he is getting good care. He seems like an afterthought to Jen. He probably spends the day in front of the TV.
Or should I keep my mouth shut for two more weeks and just check in on them every so often?
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I just went through this with my sister, she was the one who was being mean to my little girl and my friends were afraid to tell me. I will tell you that as the mother I was so relieved when my friends told me that she was mistreating my little girl. I would go to your friend and just tell her the truth that you have observed how this woman is treating her child and that you know as a mother she would want to know. Just think how you would feel if someone didnt tell you about your child. Plus if something happens to your friends child you would never forgive yourself. I would just stick to the facts and not give negative opinions about how you feel about this woman. That will only make it more negative than need be. I hope that you get this settled and that you and your friend come out of this okay.
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Originally Posted by Claire
I don't think he is being abused, but I don't think he is getting good care. He seems like an afterthought to Jen. He probably spends the day in front of the TV.
So while it is not actual abuse, it is certainly not the kind of care I would want for my child. You have obvious feelings for this child, so I think you need to bring attention to this. Be non confrontational. Be as rational and as calm as you can be. I would just tell your friend, "I would want to know if this was going on with my child. I don't want to stir up any trouble but I love little "insert child's name here" and I want them to have the best care possible."
I would hope that any mom would want and be appreciative of such information. Big, big thumbs up to you for caring so much. " class="inlineimg" />
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It's not tattling if someone could get hurt, IMO.
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I would tell her.
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Well, I told her and was very surprised by her response. She said, "Eleven more days." Then she got off the phone very quickly!
So, maybe I made a mistake in telling her. I guess she knew already, but chooses not to do anything about it.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Claire
Well, I told her and was very surprised by her response. She said, "Eleven more days." Then she got off the phone very quickly!
So, maybe I made a mistake in telling her. I guess she knew already, but chooses not to do anything about it.
Maybe she feels she doesn't have any options?
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I went thruogh a sort of similar situation with ds. My husbands friends wife was watching him one day a week and I didn't think he was getting the best care (she told me that when I had my next child, she would lend me her books so I could do it right - exact words and other stuff like one day she told me that I shoudl always send a banana with him (I packed him breakfast lunch and snaks for while he was there) because her daughter had one and he really wanted one and I couldn't believe she wouldn't give him one, we would've paid her for it, anyway I could go on) Luckily it was only one day a week and my dh and I and my best friend all had different spring breaks and we were able to both take personal days and mil was able to come up twice and he didn't have to go back and over the summer we were able to find other care. But it was really stressful and I don't know what I would have done if it was more days because I don't think I would have had options.