Ask:
Does anyone ever feel as if their relationship with their Mom or Dad (mine are divorced) is just "un-healthy". I come away from visits with them feeling irritated, down, and frustrated. I don't feel as if they are "normal". Wow, I sound like a teenager, but I am really looking at this from an adults perspecitive now.
My Mom is a bit bossy, and my Dad and his wife are constantly thinking that they need to mend us children. As if we are damaged by the divorce that happened, oh 10 years ago. (Trust me I am over it.)
My parents live many-many miles away from me and they have since I went away to college. So, I have never had a good connection with them.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has issues with this.
Answer:
My mom and step-father try to be good grandparents so I allow them to visit. Otherwise, I would probably not associate with them. Among many things, they partied every weekend when I was growing up. I was lucky enough to have a caring grandmother to take care of me. The visits usually become awkward for me because I have trouble forgiving their past actions.
Answer:
Oh boy can I relate!! I don't have a relationship with my Mother at all. And my father and step-mother now live in California. I get along much better with my Dad.
It is sad to say, but I wrote my mother off years ago, because I was tired of being the parent. Long sad story, but I can definately relate.
Big hugs to you!!
Answer:
My parents live in Flordia, I live in Minnesota!! That is how we manage. They usually come visit for one weekend a year and stay in a hotel visiting only a couple of hours at a time. I talk to my mother about the weather every Sunday on the phone. That is pretty much the extent of our relationship anymore. I don't know if you could consider that healthy or not, but that is how we managae.
Answer:
I can relate to your feelings. I have found that my tongue is very sore (from biting it) after visits or telephone conversations. I have finally decided that nothing will change and I have to do what I have to do.
Answer:
My relationship with my mother is great, usually! My relationship with my father works. My husband's relationship with his parents is a train wreck! He hasn't seen his father since he was like 8 years old and other than then an email or two a few years back he doesn't hear from him. Now his mother ... this woman can go for months without contacting her son, or any of her children for that matter, she ignores birthdays, holidays, or anything that might be considered a proud moment for my husband as well. He knows this about her and doesn't have high expectations for her but it still bugs him. It just bugs me because I hate seeing him getting hurt all the time.
Answer:
Thanks girls! It is nice to know that I am not alone, not that I would wish this situation upon anyone. I often feel guilty when friends talk so lovingly about their mothers. Some people will speak to their Mom every day and have wonderful relationships. I suppose I am a bit jealous. But, heck, there isn't much that I can do. I have tried-and-tried with my Mom and my Dad. I keep ending in the same spot like a big circle. I have decided over and over again that they will not change. I just can't help at feeling a bit down every once in a while about the situation. I just try to push it to the back of my mind and live on.
Anyhow, I just hope to start from scratch with my son. I pray every day that I will have a close connection with my kids. I try my best to be loving and understanding.
Answer:
I can relate! My relationship with my Dad is ok......as long as his wife isn't around! And my mom! I didn't have any contact with her for years but about 5 years ago I tried to put the past behind me and have a relationship with her. I bite my tounge ALOT!! Right now, I am so disappointed in her that I hope not to hear from her in awhile. She has had a drinking problem for years (she would argue that!) and finally got a DUI last weekend.
I don't think I can even answer the phone if she calls! This is the straw that broke the camels back with me. She asked me when I was 8 1/2 months pg with my first son if she could be a "real Gma" to my kids. I said sure! Well, she has yet to step up to the plate! I just want to tell her that "real Gma's" don't get DUI'S! It just angers me and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it!! ugh!!!!
Answer:
Un-healthy is a kind word to describe my "family"
My mother lives in NY, I speak to her about 6 times a year. She never wanted to be my mother until I became a sucessful adult capable of supporting her. I moved 375 miles away so that I wouldn't have a 5th child to care for. Sounds cold I know but this is the women who dropped me on her cousin's doorstep when I was 5.
My dad... I have no idea where he lives or if he is even still alive - he never wanted to be a parent either. He left my mom when I was 12. I tried to reconcile with him when i was 24, we stayed in touch for 4 yrs and then he disowned me. I have not heard from him in 14yrs.
Answer:
I can relate. Since I still live with my parents, it's hard. I don't say much to my dad. I just feel like he was never really a father to me even though both of my parents are married and still are. My mom tries to be bossy, controlling, acts like I don't know what I'm doing or judgmental. I feel like I'm from a different planet.