Ask:
Ds is 5 and our neighbor boy is 7. This boy is immature for his age and when the boys are playing it's his way 'or the highway'. If ds doesn't do what this boy wants he stomps off in a huff and yells to ds "I don't want to be your friend anymore, I'll never come to your house again", etc. Then the next day he'll act like nothing has happened. Ds does nothing to provoke this other than wanting to take turns at what they play at. He doesn't quite understand why this boy is so 'mad' at him since he did nothing wrong.
I know kids have to work things out for themselves. Yet, I don't want ds to think especially since he is older that this kid can yell these mean, hateful things to him and then the next day be nice and expect ds not to feel hurt. I SO want to say something to the boy but I feel it should come from his parents (which I don't think it ever will). I don't want ds to feel he has to put up with this verbal 'abuse' from a friend and then just be happy the little isn't in a pissy mood the next day.
What would you do? What would you say to your child? I tell ds to ignore it, but I don't want him to think that is OK to let people just walk all over you and then hope they aren't in a bad mood the next day. Should I say something (non confrontational of course) to the boy or should I say something to the parents? I know kids will be kids and sometimes kids can be cruel, and if it's justified (the other kid hit them, or said something mean first, etc) but to just to tell ds to blindly 'take it'? This doesn't seem right to me. The boy is right next door so keeping away from him is not an option. I can forsee this happening for quite awhile, since he was this way two years ago and I thought he'd grow out of it. If anything it's gotten worse.
Answer:
I don't have kids, so take it with a grain of salt, but I would ask your son what does HE wants to do. I would ask him if his feelings are hurt and I would ask him if he still wants to play with that boy? I would also tell him that it's OK to tell that boy "stop yelling or I won't play with you". Another words, I wouldn't be talking to the boy or the boy's parents, I would be talking to "my" son. We can't control what others do, but we can make a choice about what we want to do.
Do 5yr olds can have that kind of conversation? Like I said - I don't have kids.
Good luck!
Lena
Answer:
I would ask my son if he wanted to continue to play with the child, knowing the child handles disappointments this way and encourage my child to play fair and if the other kid didn't like it...too bad! I think it really depends on your child's personality. I can see a child be perfectly willing to accept this other kid, warts and all and be happy to pretty much do what the other kid wanted all the time. Or be willing to stand their ground and know that the other kid is going to stomp off and be okay with that, just accepting that that kid is like that. And then I can also see a child not understanding all this 'I don't like you etc' stuff and it being really upsetting and not worth the relationship.
Answer:
Ah, the old "I won't be your friend anymore if you don't _______________ (fill in the blank)." I can't count the number of times that was said to me as a child. My dd has told me that many kids have pulled that on her too. My dd is funny -- she told me says "Fine." and walks away and finds someone else to play with. Being that my dd is up at school and I'm not there to supervise her playtime, I think she's handling it well.
However, since you are witnessing this behavior and you do have some control over this situation, is there any way you can avoid having this child play with your ds? Are there any other kids in the neighborhood that your ds can play with?
Answer:
I don't know - if the kid is playing at my house with my child I would say something to him. Yes, it should come from his parents but as you said it probably won't. I would just say, it's not nice to say such things to your friends. I don't think you mean it but you are making my DS feel bad. Be nice or you can't play over here anymore. If he continues doing it then tell his parents why their son can't play at your house anymore. You don't want your son picking up on the bad bahavior.
I guess I wouldn't put up with much when it comes to my kids.
Answer:
Originally Posted by MegNAbbysMom
I don't know - if the kid is playing at my house with my child I would say something to him. Yes, it should come from his parents but as you said it probably won't. I would just say, it's not nice to say such things to your friends. I don't think you mean it but you are making my DS feel bad. Be nice or you can't play over here anymore. If he continues doing it then tell his parents why their son can't play at your house anymore. You don't want your son picking up on the bad bahavior.
I guess I wouldn't put up with much when it comes to my kids.
Yep, this is how I would handle it too. Exactly.
Answer:
The kid is badgering your son....SAY SOMETHING. At this age we as parents need to stick up for our kids and not worry about them working it out for themselves. If i see a bully going after my boys i pull him aside and tell him to knock it off. There is plenty of time for kids to work things out for themselves.
If it were me i would tell this seven year old if he can't play nice and stop being so bossy then he cannot come over to play. Even if you are next door neighbors does not mean they have to get together. YOU make the rules not the seven year old.
Answer:
If the parent is there, ask them to say something. If not, he's in your care and supervision and you have every right to say something. Yes, kids need to work things out for themselves, but they also need to be taught how (I know you have seen my soapbox diatribes). Let him know that your son loves playing with him, but if they are to play together, they have to take turns being in charge (my son always loves to be in charge, and I'm trying to teach him he has to be cooperative - he still has only child syndrome. Especially in an immature child, it's one of the ways they feel they have control in their lives, since parents and teachers control all else). And if he doesn't like something your son does, he can't just stomp off and threaten - he is not allowed to hurt his friends' feelings (I'm sure he hasn't established empathy yet, but he knows what it feels like when his own feelings get hurt). He is to either ask your son nicely to do it his way, do it your son's way or do a little of both, called compromising. He has to know it's not acceptable, and as his parent, I wouldn't have a problem with a friend's adult teaching my child something, as long as it was gentle. She may not be aware of the problem or be at a loss about what to do or just think "kids will be kids", not realizing how it will make him lose friends. Your house, your rules.