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Last night we were in the car and arguing about money...again. He came home from work and started whining about wanting a motorcycle cause its hot out and it would be great in the summer to take to work...gas prices...bla bla bla. FYI we have a tiny work car w/ AC! He started talking about how much more money we have since we don't have a monthly medical bill or cell phone (have a trac fone and he wants a newer one ). I said, "yes, you deserve a motorcycle, but we can't afford one!" He was surprised by my response about him deserving one. Anyway, we got to talking about our debt and I said, we'll never get out of debt or save if we get another monthly pmt. and he said "we'll never be out of debt anyway". Not w/ that attitude we won't. The ironic thing is that I "worked so hard" to get those medical bills paid off and its like he doesn't notice. Yes, I don't work outside the home but if it were'nt for my cost cutting and frugal ways, we'd be up a crick w/out a paddle. I just wish he would appreciate what I do for our family and financial situation. I really do appreciate his job and that it pays well and he goes to work everyday. sigh
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Even though you argued you were able to talk about money with dh. This is great since many couple just don't talk about financial issues until it's way to late.
I find that often with man if you put the facts in front of them in a nice way and then you let them think it over (so that maybe they think the ideas come from them!!) it works
Maybe if you write down everything you did to pay the medical bills and just show it to him without judging he will think it over and realize how good you are.
Good luck
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Do you tell him that you appreciate that he goes to work every day and works hard so you can stay home with the kids? Buttering up does wonders. Sometimes when I tell my DH how much I appreciate him, I get it right back.
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It wasn't until my dh was out of a job that he truely realized just how hard I WORKED at saving us money. we were able to live off stockpiles for 2 years of him being underemployed. Now that he is working again he is taaking it all for granted again. Just the other day he said he would gladly pay the price of formula not to have the inconvienence of nursing. what? Your inconvience? granted I did work more then but he also has no clue how much formula costs.
I agree with mommymarie, write down everything u do and show him why u are able to pay down bills. He is missing the bigger picture of HOW it was done.
I can tell u that dh and I talked about finances b4 we were engaged and when push came to shove dh did not do what he said he would and I'm sure in his eyes I did the same. It is one ting to agree in theory and another to apply it in action. dh and I agreed and have very similar styles when it comes to finance but we still have very different action plans.
allgirls
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I guess I am a money control freak and my DH appreciates it. He has never been able to save money and now looking back he is very happy that I pushed him into buying a house before our first anniversary and for doing re-modling ourselves. I think he knows I am a control freak because I know that without being so we can't make it on just one income. Recently we read "Smart couples Finish rich" it was really good to read something that but us on the same page. I know what you mean DH just this week asked if we could finance a laptop. I told him yes but only when we are out of debt and by that I mean the car loan and the CC. I am hoping a goal like this will help curtail his wanting to buy frivolus things.
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I try to never tell the person who brings in the paycheck that we can't afford something.
The truth is we can afford a lot of things. It is a choice, though. If we buy a motorcycle, what would we NOT be able to buy down the road? What will we have to do later because we have debts? Will we not be able to start our own business? Will we not be able to hop on a great job or investment opportunity because our money is going elsewhere or we don't have anything in the savings account? Will we miss out on a family vacation because all we have is a motorcycle for transportation? It is a choice. It is always a choice.
Instead of arguing about money, I highly recomend discussing values, priorities and goals. What kind of lifestyle do we want to live? How do we what to spend our days? Let's use our money to enjoy life. What would bring us most joy?
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Originally Posted by Cookie2
I try to never tell the person who brings in the paycheck that we can't afford something.
Well, my husband and I both bring in the money and sometimes the fact is that we can't afford something. Fact of life whether we like it or not. I don't think that if you aren't bringing in money, then you don't have the right to state a fact. No need to skirt the issue.
Personally, I think that hubby is being a bit immature and irresponsible with his mentality of never getting out of debt thus no biggie if we chalk up more. You are being responsible with working so hard to take care of your current debts and not incurring more if it isn't necessary. Yes, he probably does deserve a motorcycle, but you probably deserve a weekend at a spa or something, too. It just isn't the financially responsible thing to do at this point.
I do think that if you had it all laid out on paper for him to see the balancing act that you perform every month when bills come in and the big picture for the future, that then he might get it. Good luck with all of it.
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thanks jeanette-
I know that what I save us and bring in from amazon and consigning is nothing compared to his paycheck. It is some and it keeps our heads above water. I believed in splitting our household duties 50/50 when we were first married (didn't happen) and we both worked full time. Had our first baby, the percentage went to about 90 (me)/ 10 (him). This after he promised he'd help me out more after the baby came. After 2 kids and a lot of arguments about housework later, I had to make a choice. I could quit or wait for him to decide. I know it should be a joint decision but he needed a little push to see how it would work. I don't disrespect him, I just control our finances, not to have what I want, but to keep us in the black so to speak. Some people aren't good with money. Period. I will tell you that we had a little surprise this weekend. My dad stopped by and offered us his HD sporster. We knew we were getting it in his will, but never thought he'd part w/ it if he didn't have to. It's in parts and not all there but its a bike and its ours. It was a blessing of sorts. Dh about fainted when I told him. Now we'll see how much its costs to rebuild it. Thanks for your support girls!