Ask:
Call me lucky, but I have never had to deal with divorce. My parents are still together, and no one in my family has ever been divorced. I have only one friend who is divorced, and her dh was a JERK, so no feelings there, but my SIL called me tonight in tears and told me that after 20 years, she was getting divorvced, as my BIL has had an affair. I didn't know what to say. I told her that I would be here for her, and that I wanted us to stay in contact (it is my dh brother), but I was so shocked and overwhelmed, I feel like I may have not helped her at all!
Answer:
You did the best thing I can think of.
When I got divorced I felt like i divorced the entire community. My Ex was the lsmall town local who married a stranger from NYC. When we got divorced people I had come to know and were friendly with all of a sudden acted like they never met me. If our eyes met they would look away or walk in another direction to avoid me.
I can count on one hand the people who were related or family friends of my ex who maintain a friendship with me... it meant so much to me that they were still my friends and family.
The second best thing you can do is not repeat anything to them that the other one said.
Answer:
The best thing you can do is be supportive, but don't get in the middle either. He is your DH's brother and always will be. Even if he was wrong his family will most likely stick with him. If you're friend with her keep it separate from your dh's family or they may gang up on you. Trust me I know from a similar experience with my dh's cousin, I ended up getting bi***hed out for my dh talking to her ex.
Listen and help out with the kids if they have any, but until things settle down don't get too involved or you may end up with trouble on your hands.
Answer:
Just be there for her. This may get tough because you don't want to "take sides" either, with it being your dh's brother.
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Answer:
Thanks for the advice. I know that I am going to be walking a fine line with maintaining my relationship with her, and my relationship with him. I have to admit though, my feelings are that the fact of what has broken them up is not pleasant, it is between them, not something that I have a right to judge. I just hope that for the kids sakes that it doesn't get messy.