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I think so because now the state is involve of how you "discipline" your kids. DH was telling me about three days ago that when he was growing up his dad use belts on him, broom and he got spank pretty hard. He learned his lesson pretty quickly. The same thing happened to me. I grew up in a different culture and we had "harsh punishment" for us we if we disrespect an adult, lie or talk back we used to kneel on the floor with sand or gravel and we would have books in both hands and heads. Even when I went to school teachers had the freedom to discipline kids that are not behaving. They used to hit us with a stick or let us "sit in the air" Now its all about "talking to their level" and giving kids the "time-out" but what if those things doesn't work? what do you do as parents? DS is starting to get into terrible two's pretty soon and I want him to get discipline like I did because it only took me about 3 times and I learned my lesson quick but I have to worry about neighbors, school, pedia,police etc....telling me what to do and what not to do but what are my rights as a parent when it comes to that subject? That's why I think now the society is too "soft" Now I know every child is different some kids get the hint pretty quickly some requires a little bit of a challenge...so what if none works?
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I guess it depends on what you define as discipline. Some people think discipline means to spank and some people define discipline as alternative ways to stop behavior. Beating your child with an object to assert dominance or to "show them who's boss" is certainly inneffective parenting and quite frankly ABUSIVE.
I do spank my children. I don't do it to hurt my kids, I do it for immediate responses. It's on the bum with my hand and one time. I then get down on their level and talk to them about what just happenned. Sometimes it's in their room and sometimes it is on the spot. I find by doing it in their room I have their completel attention with no distractions.
When it comes to disciplining children, ask yourself "what are the intentions". If the intention of spanking your child is to assert dominance, than it's wrong. If the intention to stop your child from hurting themselves or someone else, than it's justified. I will probably be flamed for my reasonings, but I stand by them. What I know in my heart is I would never raise my hand to my child in an attempt to hurt them or scare them. I would never beat my children, and yes there is a difference between abuse and spanking in my eyes....and before I get too fired up and defensive, I will end it with: it's all about your intentions. It shouldn't matter what others say or make you feel....unless you are doing something you know is not right!
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Well I didn't have kids 'back then' but my parent never spanked us, and we didn't have any friends that were spanked. *shrug* We were all well behaved and knew the rules. The expectations for behavior were very clear. We don't spank our own children. I have no problem disciplining them. They are very well behaved and well mannered. I am often complimented by others on them.
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My Daddy used a leather whip on us and we were always whipped with either a belt or limb, by Mama. We didn't act like our kids do today and back talk--my kids never hardly got whipping because when me and their Dad got divorced the DHS told them I wasn't supposed to whip them, they talk back, cuss me, lay around and do nothing. DSD gets spankings with a wooden spoon but only after he has tryed everything else to make her listen, lately she has really started to push the limit!
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Originally Posted by meghannsnanny
My Daddy used a leather whip on us and we were always whipped with either a belt or limb, by Mama. We didn't act like our kids do today and back talk--my kids never hardly got whipping because when me and their Dad got divorced the DHS told them I wasn't supposed to whip them, they talk back, cuss me, lay around and do nothing. DSD gets spankings with a wooden spoon but only after he has tryed everything else to make her listen, lately she has really started to push the limit!
My friend was telling about a month ago that her friend came over to her house well her kids were out of control the dad didn't do anything but just "talk" and "negotiate" so the mom borrowed a wooden spatula and took the kids to the bathroom and when she came out the spatula was broken in half.
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Ill be honest, I know I will prefer a stronger hand approach to disipline. I firmly belive in the "Im your parent not your friend", trying to reason with a little child so that they still like you - I dont know, Ive never sucked up to a person yet, and Im not about to start now.
I always had hidings as a litte one - honestly I know I deserved them too, but we were never abused. If other didipline methods work for you - I would so go for them, however it seems that disipline and children always bring out the heated arguements from both camps. That said - I firmly belive that no one has the right to tell me how I should disipline my child, as I have no right to put my teachings on them.
With the government stepping in and trying to ban physical punishments - sure thier heart is in the right place - its to protect those poor kids that are physically abused, but their brain sure is not on - a person beating thier child just because aint going to give a damn about what the law says.
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Personally, I have been known to use a swat on the tush or on the hand before, but I think that is you are worried about being reported to CPS, you are probably going over board on the physical punishment. JMO
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I have found what is acceptable for discipline depends on the community you live in. For example in my state in a very wealthy, white area a mother smacked her out of control teenager on the face one time and nearly got put into jail and lost her child to CPS. Heck the in the same area if you raise you voice to your child you would get called on.
Then in the city I taught in where it was mostly poor single moms it was considered acceptable for the parents to wail on their kids in public and to smack, hit, spank, verbally abuse, punch or physically abuse them in any way they wanted as long as they did not bruise them. One girl came to school with bruises up and down her legs, behind and arms. The principal called a confrence with her mom and told her to discipline her as she chooses but don't leave any more visable bruises or she would report her to CPS Heck I freaked out one day when a dad fresh out of prison came to my classroom door with his belt in a loop and took his son on to the playground and severely disciplined him on school grounds for saying rude things to a girl....needless to say I did not call his parents again. These kids were yelled and screamed at so much at home that us teachers had no choice but to yell and scream to get any response at all if the class was acting up I am a quiet person and I never had to yell so much in all my life....if I would have raised my voice just once like that in the more wealthy communtiy I mentioned above I would have been fired, prosecuted and probably never get a job again...but it was expected when I taught in the city.
The most my daughter has received is time out, loss of a privilage for 1-3 days, a smack on the hand and once or twice a smack on the cheek. She is a great kid. The community we live in is a happy middle from the ones I mentioned above...I feel like I can raise my voice at home or in public if my daughter needs it without feeling like I am going to be judged.
Jen
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No.
I remember the hitting, but strange, I don't remember the lesson attached. And did you ever get punished when you were actually innocent?
I think the world is tougher, but discipline is easier because there are people who have shared how they raised their kids without corporal punishment - ways we can learn if we care to.
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I am not against a spanking once in awhile for bad behavior however imo using belts, brooms, switches,kneeling on floors with gravel and etc....are all abuse.
BlueSky If you are ever thinking of using these methods of abuse on your children you really should get professional help. This was abuse back in the day and it's abuse now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya know just because those types of discipline were used back then and we survived it doesn't make it good discipline.
I just had to reply to this post because i would hate in this day and age for any child to be treated sooooooooooo cruelly.