Ask:
My middle daughter, Kate is 21 months old. She is not adjusting well to her little sister. (one month old) Or, I should say that I THINK that's what is going on. I also think it may be the terrible twos.
Has anyone ever had a child who threw the WORST temper tantrums EVER!? The smallest things in the world can set her off... For example asking her what she wants to drink. Or if I am holding the baby and Kate wants to be picked up, she throws herself on the floor and screams. I swear ladies, She sounds like satan.
Do you ignore tantrums? I would love to stop them, she is contantly waking up the baby/making it impossible for her three year old sister to take naps, etc.
Answer:
Yes I would ignore it...just let her have her fit and get her frustrations out. DS is starting to get like that too and he's 15months. Whenever I try to remove him from certain area that he's not allowed. He would lay down on the floor and cry. I just ignore it. Sometimes when I get tired of it I put him on his bed. I put my headphones on give him 15mins and when I check on him he's done crying. I get down to his level and tell him that its not right for him to get everything he wants in life. Ignoring works for me but I'm also going deaf because I keep putting my headphones on but its okay. I don't know how he's going to react though when the new baby gets here this Nov. that's why I am training myself and him early. You got your hands full though or it could be she's having a hard time dealing with the new baby at home. She used to be the baby and now there's a new one. Maybe she feels like your not giving her more attention. Talk to her if she understands. If talking doesn't work I would ignore her she will eventually get use to it besides she's too young to understand what that new baby is doing at home. She probably thinks you are going to return your new baby back to the original owner. Ignoring works for me majority of the time because if I pay attention to my son that's when he does his "tantrum" when he lays down on the floor I just walk over him and keep walking away. He gets up of course and move on and do something else hoping that he would get my attention. But I only talk to his level when he gets really out of control. Other than that. I don't say a word. I simply remove him from the area or just ignore him pretty much. Amazingly he comes back to me when I'm sitting down and give me a hug.
Answer:
Funny this should come up! I've only watched Nanny 911 about 5 or 6 times, and I always try to watch it when DD (age 5) is not in the room. (I don't want her getting any "ideas" about how to get on my nerves!! ) But she has seen enough of the show to know what it's about. She asked me about it once, and I told her that "those kids were SO out of control, that their Mommy and Daddy had to have someone else come in and straighten them out!!" This obviously sunk in with her, because just the other day she was acting up, and when I threatened to put her in the "time out chair" she said, "OH! So, what are you going to do NOW? Call NANNY 911??????". I about died laughing!!
Answer:
Both of my girls are big tantrum throwers. To be honest, I've never seen any children throw one bigger than my girls can. My 3 year old has mostly outgrown it, but my 17 month old has gotten into it now. She will get so mad that if I try to pick her and comfort her in the midst of her screaming, she will actually stop crying and push me away/hit me and then resume screaming. I am at a loss as to how to handle it, so I'm just trying to take her ped's advice and ignore it.
It sounds like she is definitely reacting to the new baby at home. Is it possible to have dh watch the other two and just have some special mommy and Kate time once in a while? This might help a bit.
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I agree...one month is actually a short time to adjust - my son took a good 6 mos. and he's older. Not saying this will go on 6 mos., but the meltdowns did happen. He needed some extra mom time and patience.
Little diva has tantrums. I give her a hug where appropriate, tell her how to solve her unhappiness (go get your puppy dog (one she carries everywhere)), and if all else fails, I literally turn my back. Sometimes she'll come in front of me and do it again. It would be funny if she'd stop banging her head!
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I tried everything. The best thing that worked for my son is to just simply walk out. I leave the room even if I'm in midsentence. If he follows I leave that room. He gets no attention, no acknowledgment until he has calmed down and talks in a normal voice. Warning, until they understand this the fits will get worse (usually the first day). I've heard when they are older and whine and argue you simply say "I love you too much to argue with you" and drop it. Ignore any attempt they do to try to bring it back up. Love and logic is the best!
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I left out a few things. You new baby will adjust to big sister. Mine doesn't blink when my son gets out of control. Get her a new doll, and have her care for the doll, feed it when your feedding baby, etc. My son still drags "practice sister" around.
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oh gosh don't mention nanny911, every episode I've seen it's the parents fault for that bad behavior!
I agree that is is b/c of the new baby in the house. The middle child is in a very tight spot and tends to get less attention, thus acting out. I would try to ignore the tantrums and when she calms down talk to her about good behavior and especially sounds like you need to try to carve out some time for personal attention with just you and her. Maybe take her somewhere special one day?!
Answer:
I have a 21 month old too and he has just started throwing some doozy tantrums in the last month. I think a lot of it is their age and I am sure throwing a new baby in the mix is making it even harder. With my son he gets really frustrated because (I think) he has gotten to be a great little talker and he can tell us just what he wants now, and he gets furious if he doesn't get it! He has opinions on EVERYTHING now that he can verbalize them so well, and it starts with what he is going to eat for breakfast and it doesn't end until he is insisting that he isn't ready for bed at night. I have been ignoring the fits as best I can and I have also started putting him in time out for a minute or two if he does something I can't ignore like pull his brother's hair or throw his food because he doesn't like what he is served. He is pretty funny when he has his fits. He rages for a minute or so and when he doesn't get any attention from it he stops and says "John being ugly!" and we smile and agree with him.
Answer:
Try ignoring the behavior as long as it will not hurt her. One technique that worked for me is to insist that she goes to a particular spot to have her tantrum...ask her to go there or put her there. Make sure you give her some strange looks. Not angry looks but boy are you acting weird with a little disappointment looks. I did this with one of my 5 yr old students who had frequent tantrums and giving him a specific place to have his tantrums took away from the control he was trying to gain by having them. When he would start a tantrum I would just point to the tantrum spot and that would be it. He soon stopped having the tantrums because he did not like the attention that a tantrum spot gave him.
Jen