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I was thinking about my post yesterday concerning my mil complaining I never send her a Christmas card even though she gets many throughout the year. It surprised me that NOBODY mentioned the obvious double standard. I am guilty of this, too, so not a judgement, it just strikes me as funny and a bit perplexing.
My husband, her only child, never sends her a Christmas card either. He was 33 years old when we married and she had never received a Christmas card prior to that time either. (I am sure his ex-wife never sent one. Mil's relationship with her makes our look wonderful!)
Did that upset her? Of course not! Does it upset her now? Nope. She gets upset that I don't send her a card, but mentions nothing to her son. Not a slam on my mil, just an observation that most women accept and see as the norm. The daughter/dil does this sort of thing. Also, the dil/dd is expected to get most of the presents (you are truly blessed if your husband does this task for his mother!).
Of course, sending out cards is sort of a role I have accepted, too, among many others. But, that seems like a double standard, granted a double standard that I accept, but a double standard all the same.
Just thought it was an interesting early morning observation and I was a bit surprised that nobody mentioned that yesterday.
Oh, and of course I will be sending her cards in the future. That was a given yesterday. I was just surprised that it was expected of me and was not my question. I still think it is silly and a waste of time and money, but whatever to keep peace.
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You are right! That is funny and I did not even think of it until Cookie said she does her family and her dh does his family. Heck, I am lucky that I got my dh to sign his mother's Mother's day card!!! I buy it hand it to him with a pen, he scrawls on it and hands it back to me. He told me the other day that "we" should send a card to his neice. So of course "we" took care of that!!!!
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Yes it is funny that it is expected of a wife to do those sort of things. But I am one of those lucky ones that has a good mom in law. She knows if it wasn't for me that she wouldn't get a gift, card, or even a phone call. In fact one year his family called me to wish me a happy b-day but forgot to call him on his b-day. He was a bit aggravated. But I guess my mom in law makes up for my own mom not calling me. She'll talk to me but I'm the one always having to put forth the effort. That gets old after a while.
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My MIL never calls or sends a card for anyone's birthday,anniversary, Christmas,etc. She doesn't even acknowledge our kid's birthdays. Oh but if we forget her birthday,Mother's day or Christmas..........WE (not just her son) hear about it for sure!
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That's because its her son and her little boy. I didn't mention the double standard because that's the way it is here too. If something doesn't get done its not the son's fault because afterall its the wife's responsibility. Trust me I understand.
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Just wanted to say that I found the best MOther's Day Card this year. Its said:
Happy mother's day from your son and his beautiful, smart, funny, and very talented wife.
(I guess you can guess who the designated card buyer of the family is?)
It was hilarious. I couldn't resisit.
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I just gotta say that you are a better woman than me cause if she told me that she was mad at me for not sending her a card I would make sure she didnt get one on purpose! You dont tell someone to do something nice for you, that is rude! And if she told me that my mother didnt raise me right, oh she would be getting a card alright a " Get Well Soon" card!
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Is it possible she knows leaving it to your son would never get it done? It's just not something guys tend to do...the same way we wives have to do the social planning. They guys just tend to forget the details, like the kids have a birthday party on Saturday and can't make the lunch by sister in law...or they remember at 10am that you're supposed to bring a dish to the picnic/barbecue at noon, which of course, you already have prepared, sitting in the fridge..
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I thought of that when I read your post but I didn't want to bring it up and risk being flamed.
When my MIL said something similar after we were first married, I just said, "We agreed that he would be in charge of gifts and cards for his side of the family and I would be in charge of gifts and cards for my side of the family, so if you didn't get a card, you better ask him about it." That shut her up fast and she never brought it up again.
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Here is another situation - I use to make sure I kept my inlaws informed about what my kids were up to, made sure that my girls called them a couple times a week and so on. Well long story so I will not go into it (in fact it just makes me mad don't want to go there) but I decided that DH could handle his family from now on. And let me tell you that did not go well. He works for his parents, sees his Dad every day but would fail to mention that my daughter had a ballgame or that her choir was singing at church. And they would miss it. I would get a call from him starting to ream me out for not letting them know - well I would say I have not talked to them but I know you have - did you not mention it - you knew it. That would usually shut him up and the one time that my MIL complained to me I told her the same thing - DH knew it and he saw his Dad everyday he should have told him. Then she said you know that men don't think about these things - My reply was well???? She has not mentioned it again. The mother normally controlls the grandchildren and I think my inlaws have come to that realization. I will say I do buy the gifts but I refuse to send cards. If DH wants them to get a card he can send- I don't have a clue what type of card he wants to send to HIS mother. It is his mother and I have yet to find him picking out anything for anyone in my family!!!!!