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I am so made right now!! I took my 5-year-old daughter to preschool this morning and one of the other girls (a 6-year-old) was mean to her. Unfortunately, one of my daughter's friends was sitting at a table with "the mean girl"; when Emily went over to say "hi" to her friend, the mean girl said "Emily, you're not part of this conversation." I heard her say it. Emily stuck up for herself (I thought) by telling her to stop -- granted, I know that Emily can say things like that kind of whiney -- and the teacher came down really hard on Emily!! She told her that she was tired of hearing her whine about "the mean girl" -- she hears her whine about 50 times a day about the same thing. She kept going on and on about Emily should just stay away from "the mean girl," and I was still there! Emily didn't even have her jacket off yet. Anyway, I am really mad, because nothing was said to "the mean girl"; she just sat there and watched (and heard) Emily get into trouble. I want to talk to the teacher, but I don't want to come across as a mom who thinks that her daughter can do no wrong -- because I know that she can (and does) have her moments. Somebody talk me down so I don't say something that I'll regret!!
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I would definitely talk to the teacher..and tell her what you are telling us. There is no way that her being whiney should also mean that she should not be able to stand up for herself when someone is mean or rude to her. To me, getting a backbone is part of what stops the whineys!!!
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Write down what you want to say so you can proofread and edit.
I would approach the teacher, asking for a minute of her time. I would say how uncomfortable you felt with what happened this morning and exactly why. You realize your daughter can whine and it can get old very quickly, but you felt that the situation was not handled well, especially in front of the other child (praise in public, discipline/criticize in private). Ask her if there's more info you should have because you expect more respect for your child. Tell her "from your viewpoint" this is what you saw. Could she please give you feedback?
IMO, she was way out of line, and I would have said something or gone straight to the director, which may be a good idea anyway. You expect more professionalism than that. Teachers need to keep a cool head.
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Originally Posted by desertmom
Write down what you want to say so you can proofread and edit.
I would approach the teacher, asking for a minute of her time. I would say how uncomfortable you felt with what happened this morning and exactly why. You realize your daughter can whine and it can get old very quickly, but you felt that the situation was not handled well, especially in front of the other child (praise in public, discipline/criticize in private). Ask her if there's more info you should have because you expect more respect for your child. Tell her "from your viewpoint" this is what you saw. Could she please give you feedback?
IMO, she was way out of line, and I would have said something or gone straight to the director, which may be a good idea anyway. You expect more professionalism than that. Teachers need to keep a cool head.
I totally agree!!!
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Thanks to all for your suggestions. I'm going to pick up my daughter in about 1 1/2 hours, and I definitely plan on speaking to the teacher. Luckily, as time has gone by, I've cooled off a little, so I expect that I won't fly off the handle. I couldn't have talked to her calmly this morning; I was just too mad, and I don't think that my anger would have made the situation any better. I'll keep you posted.
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I talked to Emily's teacher when I picked her up yesterday and explained where I was coming from. She apologized to us. I told her that what I saw was "the mean girl" being mean to Emily, then Emily getting in trouble; "the mean girl" saw it, too. She said that it won't happen again. She also told me that she didn't mean to single Emily out about the whining - the whole class does it. She also told me that Emily didn't get in any trouble the rest of the day, but "the mean girl" definitely had her share of time outs. Thanks for letting me vent with all of you instead of with the teacher.
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I am glad you talked to the teacher about it!!!
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I'm glad you talked to her. She knows you're watching! And your daughter knows you are standing up for her. That's one point I make w/ds' teachers: they want the kids to work things out for themselves - well, they can't until they are shown how! They depend on us to stand up for them until they can fend for themselves. And if we teach them to respect our elders, as we should, WE need to do the standing up to those elders when they are wrong!
Great job, MOM!
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Good Job standing up for your daughter She was doing the right thing by communicating her feelings with words. When my daughter has a problem with a friend I tell her to take care of the problem herself by talking with that friend and sharing her feelings. If they are both arguing I tell them to figure it out (now that she is older. ) or they will have to find something else to do...almost never fails and they are best friends again. I tell her if she cannot work things out herself or some one physically hurts her she needs to walk away and try something else or have a talk with her teacher. When she was younger I worked with her to show her how to work things out..
Jen