Ask:
I am the mom of a well behaved, only child (hence my username) and since becoming a mom I've heard everything from, "Oh, just wait until he turns two," to "Oh, three is the new two" to "Forget about terrible twos, try terrible fours!"
I haven't hit any of these stages of tantrumdom yet, but I'm wondering now if perhaps it isn't something else that's causing kids to hit a tantrum age. There are so many diverse living situations, I don't know how anyone can narrow down the cause. But, I'm wondering if kids hit "tantrum phase" at different intervals based on outside influences such as a younger sibling hitting a milestone that takes attention away from the older child or mom becoming lax in her discipline because she felt like she'd "done her job" and her child was adequately sculpted (i.e. a well behaved little angel)--for example, what would happen if I stopped being a strong disciplinarian now...I imagine my son would test me and seeing I had lost my edge, he'd soon be ruling the roost, right?
Do you ladies think there really is no set tantrum age, but instead maybe there are certain triggers that turn kids from angels to mini demons overnight and if we recognize the trigger, we can defuse the bomb?
Answer:
I"m sorry this one got burried. I didn't see it the day it was posted. I'm sure others will want to chime in on this as well!
I think it's all about dynamics. Tantrums are a means to an end: attention or getting what they want. I didn't notice my oldest throwing tantrums until his brother started throwing tantrums so to me it's just the two battling for my attention or the two battling for the same thing!!!
If you have an only child, you probably don't have the power struggles I face on a daily/hourly/minute basis. I am also going to go ahead and assume you are probably more laid back and relaxed than I!! Having one child seems so heavenly to me right now!!! My boys are two years apart.
I wouldn't say there is a "set" age. However, if given boundaries, a child will learn to see what he/she can get away with and tantrums can also be a result from getting "busted" when trying to stretch those boundaries: again not being able to get what he / she wants
That is my take on it. I do handle a lot of trantrums (especially lately)!
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I have six kids. All have gone through tantrum stages at some point..no, not necessarily at the same ages, but ALL HAVE DONE IT!!! I think it is a natural way of developing personalities....they are feeling out the world, authority, each other, etc. No, it isn't always pleasant, but as long as they are shown where that line is drawn, they will learn not to cross it!
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I don't really believe it has to do with age or triggers. I think alot of it is personality, the parents and the childs. My oldest has never had a real tantrum, she has always been well behaved. She's an angel compared to my son! My son's a little hellion, but he is 3 now and just started having a few tantrums, always when he is tired, but still he hasn't had anything compared to those I see from other kids. My dd has a friend that will just start one out of nowhere and not calm down for hours! God I feel sorry for her mom! I would go crazy if my kids acted like that! I see kids throwing fits in the grocery store every week and being carried screaming back to their cars, I've never had to deal with that, thank goodness!
Now God couldn't let me get off so lucky, so he gave me a third! My baby is 14 mos now and she has an attitude already! She's cries if she doesn't get her way, she will give dirty looks and throw things, I can already tell she is the one that will throw the tantrums!!! Wish me luck as she gets older!
Answer:
Phew! I'm glad this thread only got buried & didn't neccessarily get ignored because everyone disagrees with me! HA--I'm just throwing out a theory!!
Do you know what's funny--and get ready for this because it may seem odd--my only child has developed a sibling rivalry...with a teddy bear. My family is very imaginative, we've always been. We've had all kinds of stuffed animals through generations and each one has a distinct personality. When my husband & I met I gave him a teddy bear--a teddy bear who has become an integral part of the family. Nappy Bear talks (his voice varies depending on who is making him talk, however!) and he has his own likes/dislikes, etc. My son has known Nappy Bear since he arrived home from the hospital--and likewise, considers him his brother.
Now that my son is 2 1/2, we've noticed a bit of sibling rivalry when it comes to Nappy. For example, if Nappy is sitting on Maw Maw's lap, my son needs to somehow push his way on to his grandma's lap instead. Yesterday we were at the grocery store--Nappy Bear and my son always sit in the child seat together--and we were with my mom. Well, we found these adorable little plush dinsaurs in the "Every thing $1" aisle and my mom asked my son if he wanted one. He said yes & he choose two of them. My mom said, "Maw Maw will get one for you and one for Nappy." Well...the whole way through the store my little guy kept taking his brother's. At one point we actually had to scold him and tell him to stop taking Nappy's--that they must share equally!!
So, the moral of my story is...I think the me, me, me attitude is definitely an in-born, developmental stage because I have an only child who is "fighting" with an inanimate bear!