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I just got off the phone with my son, who sounds like he's doing much better (mentally) today. He almost LOST IT, though, when I told him that after I'd posted something here about what he was going through that there were several of you here that had sent up prayers for him. That really touched his heart, and I thank you SO MUCH for that!
(See post entitled, "LuvMySoldier???"...)
Before getting off the phone with him just now, he asked me to post something here for him!! Basically, I think he just wanted to gather advice from other Moms here who have children his same age about what he's going through. He did not pose a particular question, but what I think is that he just wants to be assured that he's not the only teenager in the world who has gone through rejection, broken up with a girl/boy friend, or has had his heart broken. I've assured him that he's not, and everything I've said to him seems to have really helped him. But maybe you might have different words of advice for him that I haven't thought of yet. I think I've covered just about everything, but he asked me to post this...so, I'm keeping my promise.
I really encouraged him today to think about going to college, and how I regret never having experienced that myself. This Friday will be his graduation party, and he'll be raking in the dough (I'm sure) to put towards buying his first car. I know this will be a major cornerstone in his life, and from there I'm trying to encourage him to "take the right routes in his life." College being #1.
Like I said, I'm not sure if you have any further advice for him (or me), but I told him I'd ask on his behalf. Maybe you have a really great success story? Like you met your life long love at college, for example, or one of those "If I HADN'T done THIS, I wouldn't have THAT" type of story that you can share with us.
Thanks for reading all this! Sorry it's so long! And thanks in advance for any input you may have!!
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I am so glad he is feeling better!!! I do believe that you really cannot expect to get ahead in life without some type of degree, even if it is a 2 yr degree. You do not want to have to struggle at minimum wage jobs for your entire life.
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Exactly, HappyMom!!! This is what I tried to explain to him today. Although it doesn't hurt to have SOME type of degree, even a 2-yr. degree, these days it doesn't guarantee you the job of your dreams. It sure helps, though! He's a straight-A student too, so I hate to see all that hard work be for nothing. He could probably go to any college he wanted to right now! But, I think he's got to get his head straight, and priorities in order, before he goes forward.
Thanks, I'll pass that along to him...that someone else suggested going the "college route".
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Even though I was engaged and married young, I think it is so important for young people today to find themselves before they find a life-long mate. Having only seen a small part of the world and only having experienced high school, he will change so much in the next couple of years. He may find that what he wants from life in two years is completely different than what he thinks he wants right now.
I know it's different for a woman, but I was very mature for my age and I still changed my priorities in life so many times during my late teens/early twenties. Think goodness it didn't affect my marriage, but in many times it could have. I went from being a very career-minded, success-oriented individual to being a quite conservative, family-oriented SAHM. Though my values are essentially the same, my classmates and high school friends are often shocked that I don't have a successful career as a scientist or doctor somewhere. (I guess they don't realize that motherhood incorporates all those things!)
Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that now is a wonderful time to explore his own goals, dreams, and values. Sometimes those things get lost in the mix of a relationship. I'm lucky they did not, but I've witnessed many that have fallen victim to this scenario.
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Thanks, AyeOhKay! I'll pass along your thoughts to him!
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He is still young and has so much "growing" to do as an individual. If he goes to college and moves away, he will experience so many different things. He will grow so much. I know it's hard for him to realize this now, because I was in his shoes at his age. I had a boyfriend for 2 yrs before I went to college. he was my first love. I was devastated when we broke up, but it was the best thing now that I look back. I experienced so much when I moved away to college. I met so many new friends with different intersts and I grew so much as a person. Please tell him he is going through a rough time right now, and he too will survive as we all have that have experienced these situations. Big hugs to him!
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I know how vulnerable a young heart is, as it hasn't gotten the scar tissue built up yet, or the experience to fall back on. This is the time of life to make himself who he is going to be - on his own, not as an extension of someone else. The better and stronger he makes himself, the better partner he will be, and the better husband and father down the road. He should concentrate on having fun and keeping all possibilities open.
When I was 19, I was totally in love with my boyfriend. After a year together, I decided to travel home to see my parents. He broke up w/me on the phone while I was there. Wasn't even nice about it. Completely blindsided me, although in retrospect, I should have seen signs - I think he'd cheated on me, too. I didn't date anyone for awhile, as I wanted to be loyal in case he wanted me back (naive, huh?), but that only lasted for a month. I met a great guy shortly afterward, but was so gun shy I was too afraid to get too attached. We stayed together, but did see others. Since I found out he's started seeing me while he was engaged to someone else, although they did break up and I found out there's been other issues, I didn't dare trust him and viewed him as a player. But we still were great together. However, then I met the guy who became dh - wasn't looking - he just showed up.
There are other great people out there - there is never just one. (what would happen if something happened to them?)
Enjoy life. Make stories for your memories and for your grandkids ...well, you may want to edit some of them for the grandkids
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There are so many experiences in my life that I have learned a lot from. Experiences in life only make us stronger. The key is to look at them and realize what you have gained from them. I've had my heart broken a few times but realize that I have gained something from each of those relationships. Even if it is just the realization of what I don't want in the future. Create a life for yourself and eventually things start falling into place. As much of a cliche as it might be you have to be happy with yourself in your own life before you can be happy with someone else.
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Originally Posted by desertmom
I This is the time of life to make himself who he is going to be - on his own, not as an extension of someone else. The better and stronger he makes himself, the better partner he will be, and the better husband and father down the road.
Keep 'em comin' guys! These are really great examples of life stories and experience that I can relay to him the next time he calls.
Thanks for the above, desertmom!! That's SO TRUE, what you said. See? I knew you guys could come up with other perspectives that I didn't touch on!! You guys ROCK!