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So I went to get groc. today. The nearest Super Walmart and Fareway are 20 miles so I take the kids and make a day of it. Before we go groc. shopping I tell em we're going to a park. There's a really nice wooden playground on the other side of town. We pull in the parking lot and I see all these nice SUV"s and minivans. I have a little clown car that rattles and half the doors don't open. We get out and there's all these kids in name brand clothes and the mothers or daycare providers to match. I'm telling you I wanted to turn around and go home. But I promised the kids so we stayed for a little while. I felt so awkward. I didn't talk to any of them, cause I was keeping an eye on the kids. This playground is like a maze I'm not even joking. When we were leaving I spot my cousin's kids and look around for her but realize they're probably there w/ the sitter. I felt awful being so self-concious about my clothes and the kids clothes and what I was driving! Its ridiculous! Just needed to get that out. I'm not the best socializer.
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Well I'm sorry you felt that way...don't be so hard on yourself! Also, just because someone had a 'name brand' shirt on doesn't automatically mean they're a jerk...kwim? And if it didn't have a logo on it, you wouldn't know where it was from - could be from Saks or could be from Target. We're all naked underneath!
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I know how you feel! The same thing happened to me not too long ago. We went to a nice playground in a nicer area of town. My kids are being rowdy and having a good time, getting dirty. Then there are all of these moms with cell phones glued to their heads wearing designer clothes, perfect hair, the whole 9 yards. The kids are all decked out in clothes my kids would only be allowed to wear to nice event with adult supervision, and the moms keep fussing at them not to get dirty! HELLO! PLAYGROUND????
I felt very awkward for several minutes, until it popped in my head that MY kids were having a blast and I would never have to see these snobs again! So what I was in sweats and a baggy tee shirt and my kids were getting dirty on a playground. They still ask to go back there all of the time (it is nowhere near our house). They had a great time and lots of fun memories.
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Ok, I should apologize for my post I think. I didn't mean to infer that the other women there were snobs, just felt out of my element I guess. It shouldn't matter what we wear or what we drive, its just a little awkward when you're the only one w/ the less expensive things.
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A different point of view? I live in a nice part of town with a nice park - I can't figure out why people drive so far to come to this park, but they do. I have been told that I seemed snobbish at first, too, but I'm shy. I don't approach people. However, I do often dress nice (sometimes coming back from elsewhere) and my kids often are wearing brand names. I am on my cell, because it's one of the few times I can have an unterrupted conversation long distance. If someone does talk to me, I'm happy to, but I'm not much at small talk, either.
Remember, I know nothing about you. Yes, you may drive a clunker, but how do I know that your other car isn't a Mercedes, or this may be rented, borrowed, or just a choice you made? It's very possible you have more money in the bank than I do!!!! I don't look for labels on your kids - are they happy and seem fairly neat, except for having fun? I would worry if they were neat and tidy and made to feel they had to stay that way at the playground! I judge you by how nice you are to me and others, including your kids! That is, if I pay attention to you at all! I don't get out much, but do love to be w/people. Don't be afraid to approach me. You may find a friend. Or at least someone to just chat with for a time. I'm not looking at your clothes or accessories, unless you have something I admire. I don't ever remember looking at someone and saying, "That's from Target or a garage sale. That's not a designer purse." I do think, "Cool purse - wonder where it's from." If I judge you any differently, I don't think I would be the type you'd want to associate with anyway. In fact, others like me woudn't, either because it would be all about competition! Try me, you might like me!
The only time I've really shied away was if the person was overly aggressive, wanting me to scrapbook or come to a business home party within 15 mins. after meeting me. Or if she smoked, or was mean to the kids, or her kids acted rude and she ignored it. I have noticed that a lot of moms at the park are shy, also. But once we recognize each other from somewhere else, there's no shutting us up. I think we lose the skill of small talk when our lives are spent talking small!
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I completely agree with desertmom!
We live in the "nice" area, the parks we frequent everyday are the "nice" parks that others drive miles to attend on the weekends. I have a nice minivan, I (try to) dress nice and my kids are in gymboree 99.9% of the time. We are not snobs! Sometimes I'm social and other times I'm not! We have fun and get dirty too! dirt washes out!
I think you were just a little self-conscious. In fact you were probably judging yourself more than the other moms. I know when we are at the park I could care less what someone drives or what there wearing. As long as they have polite kids then they are great moms in my book!
But I do understand where you are coming from. Sometimes I just want to hang out in jeans and t-shirts and the other moms are always primped, but it's more of a self esteem issue I struggle with, sounds like you do to! I have gotten to the point where I just don't give a darn what anyone thinks! I think the other moms get dressed up b/c they are afraid of moms judging them!
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Ya know, it's a 50/50 thing. We are far from rich, my van is over 10 years old, I do try to dress nice, but it is almost all yardsale and thrift store finds. Half of the people I know who have it all(well appear to anyway) are very nice, and the other half do seem to look down on other people. I try not to worry about it too much. There is a good mix of people in my town, so I feel pretty comfortable at the park. I do feel a little out of place at the kids school. We live in a pretty rich neighborhood. Most of my kids friends have more money than we do.
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I know how you feel. Usually I like to dress down, not because I have to but because I want to. I usually don't wear much (OK, any) makeup these days and again, it's because I don't want to (or maybe I'm too lazy?). My cars are OK, I guess but definitely not new- a 1999 and a 2000- but they run great and they look good and best of all they are paid for. I would love to meet people but am kind of shy myself. I'd definitely talk it up if someone came up to me but I'm not one to approach people. I just don't know what to say to start a conversation, KWIM? Now, sometimes I feel a little self conscious but then I remind myself that I could have anything that I see these people with, I could look just like them if I choose to, I take wonderfully lavish vacations most of the time (do they?), I am often on a weekend trip to some place or another (are they?), etc. I guess my point is that I am completely happy with where I am in my life and if anyone wants to judge me, well let them. I can change my looks and things but can they change their WAYS?
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Hi, hschmid:
Good for you at staying at the park when you didn't feel comfortable. IIt is good to get out of our comfort zone and a great lesson to keep your promise to your kiddos.
I'm proud of you!!
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Originally Posted by hschmid
Ok, I should apologize for my post I think. I didn't mean to infer that the other women there were snobs, just felt out of my element I guess. It shouldn't matter what we wear or what we drive, its just a little awkward when you're the only one w/ the less expensive things.
Well...the thing is, is that you don't really know that...kwim? Unless you went up to each person and demanded to see all their receipts for everything they were wearing and everything their children were wearing, verified their purses were real and asked to see their purchase agreements for their cars...kwim?
I agree with DesertMom in that I drive a nice car, I have nice clothes and so do my kids. They play as hard as the rest of them but somehow, they just don't get that dirty. I can't explain it but it's just a weird phenomenon. It makes me sad to think that someone might see my car and automatically think I'm a snob or that I'm in debt or see my purse and think I'm not going to want to talk to them. Maybe I'm on my cell because my mother is calling me to tell me that my father is getting worse today (he has terminal cancer) and I should come out to see him again.
Please don't think that I THINK you're (general you) not good enough. Give me more credit than that and give yourself more credit than that. I like people for who they are...not for what they're wearing or driving. I see this generalization again and again on these boards.
I'll jump off my soapbox now...I'm not trying to hammer you, just give you another point of view.
I agree with you in that I do think it is hard to be in a place where it's not your home turf and you don't feel comfortable. I'm sorry you didn't have as much fun as you thought you would, there is always next time!