Ask:
Have you had to put a parent in a nursing home?
I think my family will be talking about this in the next couple of days. My father is not going to want to go. My mom can not take care of him herself.
Answer:
Yes, and it was horrible. My father did NOT want to go but my Mother could not care for him on her own. She could take care of herself though. He's had a tremendous year of illness, injuries etc He was there for a little while and we were not totally pleased with the care at the facility. We decided to move him back home (what he really wanted) and get 24 hour care. Luckily they can easily afford it. My Mother was not too keen on the idea because we think she was afraid to be alone with him, and what if something happeneded etc My sister also took a leave of absence to stay with my parents in their home til the end (my father is dying of cancer and only has a few months left). So far, thankfully, it's working out really well.
Good luck to you...every situation is different. Go to a few places and check them out, ask questions, take tours, get recommendations from friends, family and also your parents primary care physician(s).
Answer:
We had to put grandmother into one just recently, to recoup from a surgery, but then the cancer got worse. She wanted to die at home, but MIL couldnt take care of her anymore by herself. We went thru all the options and we put her back in. She ended up dying there.
You have to look at it from your mothers standpoint. If she is the sole care giver and she can no longer take care of your dad, then look at all options and if that is what you have to do, then that is what you have to do. It will be the best thing for everyone involved. May not look like it, but it will be. It takes a lot of physical, emotional and psycholgoical strength to take care of somebody - no matter who it is. Sometimes, a home is the best option. Im sure your mom will stay with him as long as she can while he is there - that is most important - not leaving him there alone for any length of time. They need familiar faces so they dont become disoriented (which they could very easily). This is why I tell my husband all the time, never promise anyone that you will never put them in a nursing home. You dont know what the situation will be at the time. Good luck with your decision.
What about home health care? Does he have cancer?
Answer:
Yes, and times have changed since 20+ years ago people went to a 'convalescent hospital' to live out their old age.
Now a days, a convalescent hospital really is to help a person convalece or get better after an illness or accident. These theraputic care facilities are an extension of an acute care hospital and sometimes are even inside the acute care hospital building. Medicare has requirements on how long someone can stay in a theraputic care facility and the person has to be making progress toward independant living again.
For those people who are truly unable to care for themselves and obviously won't be getting better, there are nursing homes. Again, Medicare has requirements on when someone can enter a nursing home. Usually they want a precipitating incident to happen beforehand. For instance, they want the patient to be in an acute hospital for a stroke first then they will transfer the person to a nursing home. In other words, Medicare doesn't want the family saying, "We're tired of helping out mom so we're going to put her in a nursing home." They are looking for an incident that indicates the family is overwhelmed with mom or dad's care.
In my grandmother's case, I was her primary caregiver in my home. One day she declared she was going to stop eating and she refused to get out of bed. It was clear she had decided to commit suicide by starving herself. I tried everything I could and ended up calling 9-1-1 to attend to her. They weren't going to take her until I convinced the driver that I really needed their help because she was attempting suicide. There was no other way to get her care! I couldn't very well take her to a doctor for anti-depressants because there was no way I could get her into the car. That got her into an accute hospital, which transitioned her to a convalescent ward, which resulted in her ending up in a nursing home where she eventually passed away.
My mom went to a convalescent hospital when she broke her leg. She needed the therapy to get mobile again so my dad could get back to taking care of her at home. Medicare paid for a hospital bed at home, a visting nurse and a wheelchair. They will pay for other transfer equipment that might be needed at home to make someone more independant. Unfortunately, she ended up suddenly dying at home just as we thought she was getting better.
My MIL is off visiting her son in another state and doesn't know yet that when she returns she will be going into a nursing home. She had to go to an acute hospital during the visit and they are trying to get her well enough to fly her home. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
DO research the facilities on the website. They have to do annual inspections and they have to make the findings public. Those reports help immensely in selecting a facility. Also visit each facility on your list. In the end, try to select a facility that is as close to you (or your mom) as possible. When my grandmother was in the nursing home I was visiting her at least once a day - often two or three times - and it really does help to have the facility close by.
Answer:
Please go in at several different times (even in the middle of the night to really see how they are. Around here they are completely HORRIBLE but don't get tagged on them. Look in commodes to see how they are, ask how and when they handle infectious diseases. PM me if you want I can give you the big scoop.
Answer:
I was my Gramma's caregiver after my Grampa died, and it was unfortunately up to me when the time came to move her into a nursing home.
I really encourage you to go and tour them, and go when there are visitors there, in the evenings or on weekends, not just during the day when the full staff is there. Ask lots of questions not only of the staff, but ask the visiting relatives as well, they are the best ones in the world to ask about the care their loved ones receive. If you belong to a church you may also speak w/ your pastor, most of them visit the nursing homes often and can be a good judge of the care they see being given. And definitely ask her dr for opinions--and find out if he/she will still be able to see them at the nursing home. Go at different times of day and if they have different wings or departments, have a peak around all of them. My Gramma started out in skilled nursing (when she needed more medical attention & therapy), then we thought we'd move her to long-term care but instead found a better place for her in their alzheimer's & dementia unit, where she got some specific care for her bouts of dementia as they became more recurrent.
Is he in the hospital now? That was easier for me, Gramma was in the hospital and went the the nursing home from there, so we told her that it was just for now, until she was doing better and could be home alone a few hours a day. I truly hoped and prayed that would happen, but I knew deep down it probably wouldn't. But it did make the transition easier for her, and she eventually settled in and said she guessed it wasn't such a bad place to stay afterall--and that's high praise from her!
If he is in the hospital, talk w/ the social workers there, they were so great here and did all the work for me, taking care of all the paperwork and insurance stuff in getting her moved. They can tell you what will be required as far as money/medicare/insurance is concerned, too.
I have to say it wasn't the horrible experience I had feared it would be, and I know it's different for everyone, and we had a not so great experience w/ the first facility she went to (it was our 2nd choice, but the first one was full), but we were very lucky to be able to move her to our 1st choice eventually and it was a great place that I was sure Gramma was getting the care she needed and deserved.
Good luck to you, I know how difficult it is to got thru this, I hope you can find a good facility where he'll be well cared for.
Answer:
***thanks for all the advice
My dad just recently started dialysis. He's been in and out of the hospital in the last 2 months. He needs to get up and walk and move. He doesn't want too. He think he will go home and lay in bed and basically do nothing which for the most part this is what he does in the hospital. When he does walk his back hurts. He is also majorly depressed. He has been I think for some time. Dr. just put him anti-depressants. He is also not eating much. I think he's ready to go. The dr. keeps trying to push him to get up and move some. If he doesn't he won't be able to eventually.
My mom has macular degeneration. She does not have the strength to pick him up when he falls. (which he has been doing) It takes quite a few people to get him up. There would be a physical therapist, nurses aid and a nurse that would come to the house a couple times a week but that wouldn't be enough if he refuses to do what he needs to.
They can't afford a 24 hour nurse. I think the only thing thats left is for him to go into a nursing home. My dad has said before he's not going into a nursing home.
So there lies the problem. I think my mom feels quilty for having to do this when they thought they would care for each other when one wasn't able to. My dad is not going to want to go. I also think that being in a nursing home would kill him.
I'm thinking that he is so majorly depressed that he's given up to quickly. I think he thinks its going to take too much effort just to feel a little better. The dr. is having a psychiatrist come to talk to him and a social worker. His medicare is running out for him to be in the hospital much longer.
***Cookie2........thanks for the website
***Mommaof31isdsd...I will pm you when we know what we're doing. thanks