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First of all I want to say that I don't feel like I'm better than anyone and I don't want to judge people. I have been feeling here lately that I need some friends outside of family members. My DH has been telling me for some time to quit worrying so much about them and all the baggage that comes with even talking on the phone with them. Every time I talk to them I feel as if I have to explain every detail of my life (why I did this or why I do that). If that isn't the case they are bad mouthing another relative and all tho some of what they may be telling me is true I feel tired of hearing it over and over again. Plus sometimes it just brings up some things I've went thru that I am totally wanting to get over. My oldest sis is really getting to me (there is almost twenty years between us). She's been like a mom to me but for some time now she has been trying to be something she's not. She acts as if she's too good for this or that and makes snide remarks when I say that I got something at a yard sale. She also makes comments about the fact that she works outside the home and doesn't know what people do that stay at home all day. I could give her a list but she says it doesn't take her that long to do them. Then I have another sis that lives way below her potential and to be perfectly honest she embarasses me. She doesn't take baths or cleans her home and the social services has been out twice. She has a teenage daughter that won't clean herself up either. Then on top of all this my mom in law calls me to tell me about dad in law and all their arguments. She told me today she just had to call me because she wanted my point of view and that I was soooo nice. Anyways when I try to talk to DH about any of this he just rolls his eyes and tells me that he doesn't care anymore about them. He loves them but he's thru with all their games. I wish that I could be like him sort of because I'm the one that is carrying all this baggage. I want to be friendly but I don't want to be apart of their day to day lives anymore. How does one distance theirselves and create their own life ?
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I completely understand how you are feeling. How close do you live to them? It got to the point for us that we actually DID move 2 hours away. The sole purpose was to remove ourselves from my ILs everyday lives. I felt like I have to schedule every minute on our weekends to avoid having to get together with them. Anyway.... Before we moved, We just went along our everyday and didn't call them or be the ones to go to see them. We ended up being very stern that we could not get together on week night evenings, as that was for our family time.We even skipped a 50th birthday party because it was during the week and felt they were having it that night just to see if we would stand our ground. We stopped answering the phone when they called and returned calls that were, in our opinion, neccesary. In the end , the move was they right thing for us. We needed to be "the extended family" and it was the only way we could get it done.
Good luck!
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My brother is the one that thinks he's always right, his way is the best, he knows everyone, his kid is the best at everything, always gets the last word or gives a snide look/remark. You get the picture. Lately he's been really annoying, more than usual. Even Dh cant stand to be around him. They live just a few miles away and its gotten to the point of trying to avoid them. I dont have any advise because I dont know what to do besides avoidance at this point, so I'm anxious to see what everyone else would do with pesky relatives.
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I know exactly how you feel. I have a older sister who if she is not happy the world must suffer. And the thing is it really puts a damper on everything cause it puts sooo much tension in the air its not funny. Like take this for example they own their own buisness and just moved to NC well their buisness had only been going for about a year or so and not really doing that well, so as she is sitting there watching them get butt hole deep in debt she is constantly telling me I need to get a job! Now mind you my hubby is in Iraq and he clears after taxes a lot of money to the point where yall would die if I gave a ball park figure. So I dont have to work I dont worry about money I buy what and when I want to. But I am the one who needs to get a job! Neither one of them work and its like ok for them not to work but borrow money from whomever if they are broke. She also scruteizes everything I do and she ow lives in the same apt complex I do and ca see my unit from all her widows so every move i make she calls and gives me what for and 20 questions. So basically what I am saying is I am just like you and with all the worry and stress about what everyone thinks about me and so on I am learning to start saying this is my family if you dont like it stay out!
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Set boundaries and don't call them as often. I find that gives me something to talk about when I do call. Mainly how the kids are doing . And they are nice and not sarcastic. My mom usually is. I think she thinks it going to make me want to call more. NOT! She doesn't have my cell number either. I know that sounds bad, but trust me you don't know her. I hate going to get together's on my side . It's always some drama. I just don't go anymore and don't stay long when I do. That helps it seems because you're not long enough for everybody to start fussing. I would much rather just stay home and spend time with my dh and kids instead. Holidays are the worst for me. I do find that I don't feel quilty as bad anymore. I quess that happens over the yrs though. We moved away from my family about 10 yrs ago. It's not but an hr , but you would think it was another state by how much they visit us. Maybe 3 or 4 times. I just keep telling myself the road goes both ways.
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We live in the same town as most of my family and around 30 miles from in laws. We used to live in another state but my DH couldn't find a job. He had a good one but they laid off everyone that hadn't worked there over five years. We needed to get out of there for other reasons. We got involved in a "church" that was soooo bad for us. The members were so much worse than family. That's a whole different story.We live on my parents property and I chose the far end. With the exception of a few instances they really don't bother me. In fact I wish they would actually call me sometime just to say hello but I think they are too wrapped up in my sis's life. Since we moved here she had a junky trailer put in at the middle of our house and our parents. We share the same gravel road driveway. If that makes any sense. We have to drive a little ways to get to our house. She knows everytime we leave and even knows if the mail lady brings a package to our house. She even calls to ask if they were down here wondering why. My DH said he even caught her going thru our mailbox. When she seen him she just said oh your lid was down. She lies about my kids and even us. She has a car but continues to have my dad who is in his 60s to be her driver. She gets disability but I really don't think there's anything wrong with her but a bad case of laziness.My other sis on the other hand rents a brick home but is acting like she's buying it. She told me not to tell anyone. IMHO she lives way above her means to look like she's doing better than everyone else. We used to be so close but she hangs around my aunt that acts like she's better. So birds of a feather flock together. My mom even sees it. My parents actually believe my sis is well off. I know different but won't say. Sometimes it's tempting but I don't. Her daughters are spoiled brats. They get everything they want. My sis says that she doesn't feel like she has parents anymore because they don't try to be apart of her life. When someone asks her daughters if they have grandparents they say no. This burns me up. I make an effort with our parents on special days ( b-days, anniversaries etc.). She doesn't and wonders why parents doesn't. I feel like I'm in the middle because I talk to both of them. I get to hear both of their sides. Lucky Me !I wish that we could afford to move our mobile home on some property far far away. We have to consider schools also and my kids love this school. My Dh would then have to get a new job and it is the whole starting everything from square one issue. But we are looking into the whole moving thing. Sorry this is soooo long.
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We have family members like that.
Most of them on my DH's side.
I keep in touch with 1 of my younger sisters- the rest of my family use drama way too much.
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Right now with my hubby just having surgury, he really drug me down. He was bummed and depressed. It was a hernia, but he thought it was the end of the world. He is getting better, and once recovered it will be better again.
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My mother-in-law draggs me down. We try to avoid her, because like a bad infection, you have to treat it, or it ruins your life!