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I'm sitting here in tears. DH doesn't get paid again until the 22nd and we have $1.53 in our bank account and 1/4 tank of gas in our car. Somehow he has to get to work for another week. DH's parents are giving him $ (in advance b'c we need it now) to preach at church next Sunday, so we'll be okay, but that isn't the point. They don't have the money to give us.. They're going through hardship too, and don't have the money to bail us out when something happens beyond our control. The point is that, again, we're down to pennies in our account days (and days) before the next paycheck gets deposited. And if something hits our bank account before Monday, we'll be paying a $36 surcharge for each charge, on top of it's cost. Which will just put us behind further and further. I just can't do it anymore. I make myself sick with the thought of something happening and us losing money. Just this past week, we lost $100 because we had to pay out the rest of our insurance policy so that we could renew our policy as liability only on our car. (still confusing so I'm going to call again on this). And then we lost out another $20 because apparantly our insurance payment went up (a whole other story). That's our gas money. I'm not frivolous. I've been putting off buying much needed clothes for DS because I want to have money for gas in our bank account, and a little extra (like $25 or so) to make sure we don't overdraw if something goofy happens. There have been so major issues with finances in our marriage, and now that they're ironed out, I hate not having enough money to be okay. I don't even need thousands of dollars in the bank. I'd just like enough that I know if I get screwed over by our insurance company, or if my kid gets sick, then it won't put us in the hole and blow our budget to crap. DH and I have been talking about doing a cash budget with all our money in a jar in the freezer! . And just having a savings account to get his paycheck auto deposited to. That's it. No auto deducted bills, nothing. If it can't be paid in cash, no matter how much we want it, we can't do it. I just am at the end of my rope. I can't do it anymore. I can't get a job b'c I don't have reliable childcare for DS, and to pay for childcare would negate anything I make at my job anyhow. If DH worked a 9-5 M-F job, it'd be different, but his schedule is all over the place, so I can't rely on him to stay home with DS for me to work. I tried working nights back at the nursing home, but it wrecked the house. DH couldn't keep DS calm during the night (I usually get up with him if need be), and lost so much sleep he wasn't functioning right at work. And I couldn't go without sleep, having no one to watch DS for me to rest. I tried working from home as a direct-sales consultant, but it didn't provide enough $$.
I feel like a massive ball of emotions right now and I don't know why, really. I think checking our bank account and having there only be pennies in it threw me over the edge. Not to mention DS won't eat anything of substance. The past few days he's had junk to eat.. yesterday, he ate crackers for breakfast, a 1/4 sandwich for lunch and like 4 bites of porkchop & 5 or 6 beans for dinner. Then he ate a few handfuls of french fries later at a restaurant. The day before he had a pickle about an hour before lunch, and that was it. Nothing else until dinner, which wasn't anything decent. Not a good diet for a two year old. But he won't eat anything. It's not that I'm not trying to give him healthy food. I heated up some chicken/veggie casserole to give to him for lunch and he picked at it. Wouldn't eat it. So he had half a glass of milk, and that's all. Probably didn't help that his Poppa gave him a candybar this morning the second I walked through their door (we live next door to my in-laws).. Why give a 2 year old a Mounds candybar at 9 am? Because he asked of course. Poppa took him into the kitchen and said "what do you want to eat?" and he said "candy", so that's what he gave him. I didn't know until he came to me, chocolate everywhere and said "yukky mama, towel please"..
I'm tired. so very tired. I get 9 hours of sleep and I'm still tired. I feel fat and emotional, drained and wore out. totally at the end of my rope. I know that this too, shall pass. But I just needed a shoulder to cry on, I guess. Maybe I'm hormonal b'c I was due for my cycle to start yesterday. I don't know. I just know that I feel like I can't take one more minute, because I'll explode from sheer frustration of being so broke I can't afford to buy a half gallon of milk.
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AWWWWWWWWWWW!! I wish I had something to say or some great piece of advice to make it all better. Hang tough!! God doesn't give us anything we can't handle!!
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I'm sorry. I have been there myself, and we're never far from it either. Put it like this, I'm all out of things to pawn. My jewelry is down to a couple pieces with sentimental value. I never had a lot, and most of it was cheap stuff but still. I had it all for a long time so I wasn't happy to let it go.
Is there any way you can pick up a part-timer just to get you guys ahead a little? Best of luck to you.
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I wish I knew what to say!!! BIG HUGS!!!
Is there anything you can do to make a few bucks? EBay, babysit in your home, sell some unneeded things on craigslist??
I hope things look up for you!! I'll be thinking of you!
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I don't know about your DH's salary, but have you checked on any public assistance in any area. Even food stamps would help. Also how about any agency in town that help people through hard times. There is one in my town that gives out food. Sorry you are having it so hard. I have been there and done that many times in my life. It is no way to live. You feel like you are exsisting from day to day. Do you attend church? My church has helped me out when I had no way to pay my bills. Don't mean to be so personal. You don't have to answer. I have found when I am at my absolute weakest that God is in His strength. Sometime we have to go so low for God to show us something. I always grow in the valleys not the mountain top. Do you have a close friend you could call and vent to. We don't mind listening but sometimes you just need to talk it out. I will be praying for you.
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DH makes $80 too much per pay to get food stamps. As for our church, my father-in-law is the senior pastor there and they are barely making the bills, so we can't get anything from them. I know that God gives me strength to get through it, and He will pull me through this too. It is at my weakest that He is strongest, yes you are definately right. I sometimes feel it is the darkest hour right now, and it is darkest before the dawn, so I have hope that it will soon turn around for the better. One moment I am tearful about the whole thing, and a second later I realize it is okay. My husband isn't leaving me over it, we're not having to live in our car. It's the frustration that gets to me, and piles up and up and up until I explode in emotions. DH actually called me from work and was totally calm about the whole thing. Which is nice when I remember what we've gone through in dealing with finances. I guess a huge thing is that I feel SO much stress in being in charge of the finances for our family. Because I blame myself if something happens and we don't have money set aside.. as if there were some way I could have prepared for it, or been knowledgeable of it, or something. I do well in my grocery shopping, and though I know I probably could do better, I do pretty well already. Most of the time I'm shopping with a screaming toddler, and I do the best that I can. God has our family in the palm of His hand and He will not let forget us or not provide for us. We may not have $5k in the bank, but we have a roof over our head, and a bed for my baby to sleep in, and God's blessings are surrounding me at every turn. I know that, and I feel peace. I also know that if it is God's will that DH gets a job promo to store manager, we will know how to be wise with the add'l income that comes in. We've already said we want to live at about the same we're living at right now. (I think maybe a smidge more so I don't go grey before I turn 25! ) But I'm dealing with the daily submitting of my financial fears and pressure to God and trusting that He will never forsake me or my family.. as you said, it is in the valleys that we grow and learn to appreciate the height of the mountains. Thank you all for your support.. I'm going to go back to lying down, munching on my Dove cookies and juice and watching my movie while DS naps. It'll work itself out.
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I have been down that road quite a few times! We still aren't financially secure but we are doing better. I have no great words of advice on what to do with your immediate situation,but when im really down like that i go to the library and find some good books on frugal living,like the Tightwad Gazette. It gives me hope that i can get thru a rough patch. We also save all our change in a big jar, i have heard of people donating blood plasma for extra money, cashing in aluminum cans,those are just some ideas. I would also look into WIC in your area for food vouchers for your child and family.
Don't fret about your picky eater. My ds was the pickest eater and i was afraid he wasn't going to thrive on what little he eats, he is now almost 6' tall,weighs about 155lbs and he's not yet 15yrs old.He always seemed to eat so little but when a growth spurt was coming up he ate like crazy. It will all be okay!
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I don't have much advice on the money situation as we go through this a lot. But maybe try not eating out even if that means ramen noodle soup for dinner sometimes. I know that is our biggest drain on finances. About your picky eater... he will be okay. trust me I have 2 of the pickiest eaters the world has seen and they are healthy. my dd's pediatrician said that when they get to be around 2 they will really have a slump in eating even those who have eaten well before. It's because they don't grow as quickly anymore. My dd has days like you described and then the next day she'll eat 3 squares and snacks so it's a day to day process with her. This is probably what's happening with your ds. Good luck and I hope things start looking up. keep us posted.
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I absolutely understand. I will pray for you and your dh.
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we are right with you! Take a deep breath, i know it is hard to keep the faith but I know God will provide for you. We also make to much money for help and never seem to have enough money, we also skimp on things and ask ourselves how can we skimp anymore?
I'll pray that God will give you the money this week. I have prayed for that same pray and low and behold we got a check in the mail( insurance screwed up) don't forget freecycle also if you need somthing post it on the website I am sure you'll get responses and angelfood ministries. Don't lose hope your doing the right thing being home.