Ask:
This is the mentality of a lot of the parents in my area:
Letter to the editor in today's paper:
Guy writes in complaining that his daughter isn't allowed to wear her expensive "frayed" jeans to middle school because they are forbidden in the dress code. He says that, as he is learning, it is very , very important for preteens/teens to have the right clothes, and she has five pairs of these expensive jeans and she should be allowed to wear them. He says is it closed minded of the school board to forbid these jeans. He says the kids should be taught not only reading and math, but that they can also have a sense of style while learning, which is very important. He goes on to say he has taken legal action against the school board so that his daughter will have the right to wear these jeans. And the topper- he is urging other parents to band with him and stand up for free dress at school (so that their freedom will not be violated).
Maybe just an isolated, idiot parent? Maybe not. A good friend of mine sends her dd to a private school. Thus year for the first time the whole school is required to wear uniforms. Why? Last year a group of girls started a "Lily" club. To be a member of this club, you had to wear nothing but clothes by Lily Pulitzer all the time. This was dividing the school into "haves" and "have nots"- causing quite a problem, as Lily Pulitzer is a very expensive brand here. Who started the club? Girls in the PRESCHOOL. Translated- mommies of the girls in the preschool, since not many ps girls can go to store and pick out clothes by themselves.
What is with my generation of parents???
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Wow thats really sad and exactly why certain things are banned. I cant believe parents would join in. I think uniforms are a great idea- I wish dds school had them.
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Yeah, learning can only be done if you have a sense of style! (Please hear the sarcasm dripping here!) Idiot parent!
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I think expressing yourself through fashion as a teen is a big deal to them. Maybe the wording of "expensive jeans" and "sense of style while learning" throws people since the dad seems to have such a shallow point of reason behind him, but down deeper we're talking about individuality during a time when people think teenagers are all the same and have no opinions of their own, among other things.
I think people forget what it felt like as a teen since you grow up so fast after that. I was a "have not" and I was picked on about what I wore too. But it didn't ruin me. In this quest to make life easier on our kids, we're making it harder for them to deal with things in the future. No one is going to make fun of their outfits in a corporate office, but there will be rejection that has to be dealt with without falling to pieces over it or having someone else run in to the rescue.
While dad made his point in an ignorant way, I have my beliefs about restricting what kids wear. Half shirts and too-tight clothes? Not okay. Jeans belted around the groin? Not okay either. Jeans with a rip at the knee and a fitted polo? Not pushing the limit to me.
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Originally Posted by cru5h
I think expressing yourself through fashion as a teen is a big deal to them. Maybe the wording of "expensive jeans" and "sense of style while learning" throws people since the dad seems to have such a shallow point of reason behind him, but down deeper we're talking about individuality during a time when people think teenagers are all the same and have no opinions of their own, among other things.
I think people forget what it felt like as a teen since you grow up so fast after that. I was a "have not" and I was picked on about what I wore too. But it didn't ruin me. In this quest to make life easier on our kids, we're making it harder for them to deal with things in the future. No one is going to make fun of their outfits in a corporate office, but there will be rejection that has to be dealt with without falling to pieces over it or having someone else run in to the rescue.
While dad made his point in an ignorant way, I have my beliefs about restricting what kids wear. Half shirts and too-tight clothes? Not okay. Jeans belted around the groin? Not okay either. Jeans with a rip at the knee and a fitted polo? Not pushing the limit to me.
I agree with Cru5h on this. I don't know what jeans he's talking about (maybe her butt crack was showing, we've all seen enough of that ), but if they were just stylish, faddish jeans and everything was covered, I don't see why she couldn't wear them. I do remember when I was in school, this being a pretty important way to show my individualism. I'll bet even in schools that have a uniform, the kids find ways to make them their own. It's just the nature of being a teenager.
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Maybe I didn't paraphrase it right- the dad's point was that he had paid a lot of money for these expensive jeans so that his daughter could fit in with what other girls her age were wearing. He was miffed because he spent a lot of money on them, and now she can't wear them to school. His point was that it was important for her to fit in with the crowd- it wasn't about her being able to express herself. The whole thing was ridiculous and shallow.
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I think this dad is of course an idiot and wrapped around his dd's finger, I can just hear the "but dadddyyyy it's sooooo unfair."
I think uniforms are great. I wish my school would have had them. Although I was quite the fashionista in high school all paid by me myself and I, now I think to myself how much money would I have had in savings had I not spent so much on clothes....
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Originally Posted by jnbythesea
Maybe I didn't paraphrase it right- the dad's point was that he had paid a lot of money for these expensive jeans so that his daughter could fit in with what other girls her age were wearing. He was miffed because he spent a lot of money on them, and now she can't wear them to school. His point was that it was important for her to fit in with the crowd- it wasn't about her being able to express herself. The whole thing was ridiculous and shallow.
BUt isn't middle school ridiculous and shallow? I wouldn't write a letter to the editor, but I would be ticked too. I agree with Crush on this. Didn't we all want to fit in with the "IN" crowd? Be honest.
As a mom of an 8th grader. I have and continue to buy my daughter designer clothes. Because in this day of bullying the dividing of haves and have nots. I will not allow my daughter to be teased because I chose to save a few bucks on the clearance racks. Those are for me to shop from.
Does it make a difference? Yes. My daughter is accepted. She is not part of the rich Have's but she is not part of the have nots that struggle to find a place in school either. She gets the invites to parties, she does make the cheer squad, all things that take fitting in to do. Like I have said before, unless you have stepped into a middle or high school lately you have no idea what is going on. It is pure survival. Even the teachers take sides and play favorites. If I can make her days easier I will. Call me shallow I will take it a compliment. My mother didn't care what I wore, I was embarassed and I will not allow that to happen to my children. My special needs ds I dress in designer clothes too. I figure he has enough problems I don't need to add 2nd hand clothes to the issues the kids can tease him about.
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He isnt the only one we have occassional break outs of that mind set too.
However Im all for our systems here all school public or private wear unforms from first day in the door in Kindergarten to last day out when you do your Leaving Certificate.
It totally cuts all that rubbish out during school time socializing since you cant tell a poor from a rich child (you cant customize your uniform )
It can be hard for us to re member what it was like in our teens, we did want to fit in too but are girls more shallow than boys in this?
Its s fine line between allowing our chldren to follow trends (which can change before the clothes either wear out or fall apart) and teaching our children non shallow values and the skillls to handle money wisely
JMVHO
Anne
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Originally Posted by CelticFaerie
BUt isn't middle school ridiculous and shallow? I wouldn't write a letter to the editor, but I would be ticked too. I agree with Crush on this. Didn't we all want to fit in with the "IN" crowd? Be honest.
As a mom of an 8th grader. I have and continue to buy my daughter designer clothes. Because in this day of bullying the dividing of haves and have nots. I will not allow my daughter to be teased because I chose to save a few bucks on the clearance racks. Those are for me to shop from.
Does it make a difference? Yes. My daughter is accepted. She is not part of the rich Have's but she is not part of the have nots that struggle to find a place in school either. She gets the invites to parties, she does make the cheer squad, all things that take fitting in to do. Like I have said before, unless you have stepped into a middle or high school lately you have no idea what is going on. It is pure survival. Even the teachers take sides and play favorites. If I can make her days easier I will. Call me shallow I will take it a compliment. My mother didn't care what I wore, I was embarassed and I will not allow that to happen to my children. My special needs ds I dress in designer clothes too. I figure he has enough problems I don't need to add 2nd hand clothes to the issues the kids can tease him about.
I have two sisters working in the schools, plus two nephews in middle school, plus one of my nephews lived with me for a year while he was a freshman in high school.
It is terrible for all the reasons you mentioned: bullying, taking sides, a matter of "pure survival". Sounds more like they are going off to fight in the Middle East than to get an education at the local school. How sad.