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I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face for no apparant reason other than I'm feeling so very overwhelmed by my girls. Nothing in particular has happened today I'm just feeling so very over tired and overwhelmed. As I mentioned before DD #1 has SPD along with bipolar. She is over asserting her independance lately and I'm at a loss as to punishments as is everyone else but I'm the one who has to live with her. Tomorrow I have a meeting at her high school again to discuss how we mill move forward with her IEP. I really hate these meetings. I hate being in a room with all her classroom teachers, the LC teacher, the OT, her psychologist, the school social worker, the school psychologist, the mentoring coordinator, our case worker from the insurance company, the school principal and anyone else who happens to show up. I walk into the room with all these people feeling so alone even though the majority of them are on my side but yet I know in the back of some of their minds they are thinking I'm a bad mom and why can't I control my DD better and make her care more about school and quit being so antisocial.
On top of that DD #3 starts a trial run at Headstart tomorrow to see if they feel if she really does need services or if I'm just making a mountain out of a mole hill. DD #3 also has SPD. I can't be there to pick her up because I will be in the middle of DD #1's meeting. She's so excited to go to school but I can only be scared for her and how they will handle her activity level and her melt downs. I know in my mind everything will be ok but my heart just hurts and worries for her.
DD# 2 's anxiety levels are starting to get out of control again which is affecting her friendships at school. She is in the 5th grade and I know what a tough year it is for girls and the start of cliques. We are bumping up her sessions with the psychologist and we have an appointment with the psychologist to discuss her meds levels. But once again my heart hurts for her.
DD #4 who also has SPD is having such a hard time with her fingers and everything hurts them no matter how light the touch is. I thought we were making progress with the self soothing and the food issues but now her finger s hurt her so much that she just cries at the lightest of touch. I don;t know if I can handle a set back with her too.
On top of everything else DH is set to go on strike next week at work. I'm not sure how insurance will work if they go on strike and DH doesn't seem to be worried about it. I worry because meds cost close to $700 a month, OT is over $300 a week and then there's the mother's helper the insurance company pays for to help me run to appointments, and the pychologist and psychiatrist appointments. And the icing on the cake is today my boss confirmed over the phone that as of Jan 1 I will no longer have a job. He's retiring.
I wish I had an understanding DH who would just hold me and let me cry and try to reassure me that things will be ok. But things have been very strained between us for over a year now and are relationship isn't where I can just ask him to hold me. I just feel so alone right now and have no where to turn but here. Thanks for letting me vent. DH just walked in the door from work and I need to get ready to face tomorrow alone. If only I could go to sleep and everything would be better in the morning. Wishful thinking I know but I wish just for one day things looked better.
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You do sound like one very overwhelmed mom!! I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. It's hard enough for me just having ONE child with special needs, let alone 4! (Although, my oldest is 4, and she's been a bit difficult lately--to put it mildly).
I just had an IEP meeting for my dd on Monday, and normally I don't mind those meetings, but in this one we were discussing our options for when she turns 3 in a few months. Usually at that point they transition them to therapy AT the school, as opposed to in-home therapy, and I'm concerned about her exposure to all kinds of illnesses. Last year she was hospitalized three times in two months, and was sick many many more times. Anyway, there was just a lot of discussion about preschool, which, for many reasons, I'm just not too keen on that idea. (SIGH)
I'll say prayers for you, and send you a big hug!! Hopefully things go well today at the meeting. Please know you can come here and vent anytime...that's what we're here for!
BTW, I used to live in ND when I was young!
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I know how just feeling like you are in this by yourself makes everything so much harder. I know how overwhelming it can be taking care of one special needs kid and one NT, so I can only imagine what it's like to have four. But I also know that things can get better. I also know that someone is thinking about you and praying for you, and you need to hold on to the love you have for your kids, because that and your own inner strength is going to help you get through it all. Is there anyone else, a friend or advocate who can go with you to the meeting. If you could find someone in your area who has been in a similar situation, it might help you feel more understood. Those other people in the room don't know what your life is like. Who knows how many families and kids they are dealing with and I'm sure it's hard for them to be as "in it" as you are. Hopefully, you'll find some strong support, and things will begin to get better. I will be thinking about you and wishing you the best!
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Just got back from DD #1 IEP meeting. It was decided that she will be moved from the LD (learning disabled) room to the ED (emotionally disturbed) room. Man how I hate the words emotionally disturbed. The OT was at the meeting and explained SPD to everyone and how it effects DD along how they are working on antisocial issues also. The OT also explained the need to hold DD accountable for her actions. A sensory diet will be put in place for her along with the opportunity to remove herself from classrooms when situations arise that will feed into her antisocial behaviors. The case worker is going to look into possibly funding a 2nd session of OT to work more on the antisocial aspect along with the SPD. I did learn that on 2 occasions last week friday DD almost got into a fist fight over the homecoming teams with boys. She was sent to the principals office. Aren't schools required to inform parents of these situations?
After the meeting I spoke with the OT about DD's fingers and how they are hurting her with the slightest of touch and she said that this was normal and she would show me different things to help desensitize them on Friday. In the meantime I can work with the massager we purchased for DD's feet (couldn't tolerate socks and shoes) on her hands if it wasn't to painful otherwise just massaging them gently would also help.
DD #3 had a great day at Headstart, I haven't talked to the teacher yet but at least DD had a good time. If this doesn't work out I may have to find money somewhere in the budget to pay for preschool a couple mornings a week.
The case worker from the insurance company did mention that we need to start addressing my needs verses just the needs of DDs. I know that there is no money left in our care budget for my needs even if I could vocalize what my needs are. She wants to start having monthly meetings with the OT, the psychologist, psychiatrist, and the school, herself and me to make sure all the needs of the girls are being met. I know that this is a good thing but all these meetings and appointments get to be overwhelming all on there own. Could someone remind me why God thinks I can handle all this on my own. I really am beginning to doubt myself.
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Big Hugs to you!!!!! I wish I could throw my arms around you and hug you!!! I really have no words of wisdom for you. I will pray for the strength that God must know you possess!!!
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Oh you poor thing! Big hugs and prayers on the way. What a lot to have all at once. God knew what he was doing, these particular kids needed you. More big hugs, I know your weary. I wish I could help you in some way....
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Wow, you really do have a lot on your plate! I know exactly what you mean about the IEP meetings. At my first one, no one warned me about how important and formal it is, and was surprised to see so many officials in the meeting when I walked in. Thank God I actually had dh join me. However, now, I am not intimidated, and actually ask for others to attend. Either the principal or vice principal attends ours. Do you have a therapist (non-school) for your oldest daughter? I am now using one, but have had a developmental ped. to ask questions of. Your insurance company can help refer you to one who specializes in your daughter's needs, but will not "recommend" one. I would direct the punishment question to them. I have to say, from your post, you sound like an absolutely excellent mom, and I'm right there with you at the feeling of being overwhelmed. Gosh, it seems a common theme that our dhs are not supporting us and our children as needed in this, and we are taking on such a load. I would love to hear from someone whose husband is right there with them every step and helping support without denial. How does he support? How did he take the news, any pointers for us? Do you have a friend you can trust who can help you in these meetings, who would take the time to study up on this condition? SPD is seemingly so common! As you already know, it's not about controlling your daughter, but getting her the help and accommodations she needs to function optimally. The more self-guidance the child can do, the better. I also don't think you're making a mountain out of a molehill on your other daughter, or as my mom is telling me, "looking for problems". You are just more attuned and have a tingle that something may be going on. It's better to rule out issues, especially since this can tend to run in families. I wish we could be there physically for you. I pray that the job and insurance situations work out for you. Please keep us in the loop, and feel free to pm me if you need to just vent, too. Your post actually helped me keep my life in perspective - I only have two kids, and my little diva is now on a nubulizere from the Dr.'s office for her bronchitis, since the antibiotics aren't doing their job. Not much of a consolation, I know, but your post helped me feel not so lost and alone. I so wish we moms were geographically closer. The web is nice, but it would be so good to be able to get together in person. Perhaps there is a support group in your area. I did find one in mine, but haven't had a chance to follow up on it.
It sounds like you have a decent caseworker, for her to notice that you need help, too. As hard as it is, I would take her advice and seek out a therapist. Believe me, I know. I know that when I get overwhelmed, I make it a bit harder for my family. I'm harsher and shorter - not good for anyone, let alone the sensitive ones. They love me and want me to be happy.
I, too, dislike the term Emotionally Disturbed. It's like the Speech disorders - a bit mislabeled. Wow, on the fistfight situation. I would definitely put it in the IEP that you must be informed of any potential physical or teasing situations. She needs to talk to you about her situations, too. Yeah, right. Easier said than done.
I hope you have a good day tomorrow and a silver lining pokes through. Try to think of one thing special about each kid that makes them who they are. My son is so sweet to his sister and actually puts her needs above his. He adores her and I'll enter the room finding him trying to patiently teach her something. He was showing her a catalog of Bionicles and his actual toys, explaining who each was and what powers they have. So cute seeing a six year old doing this with a one year old chubby one who is drinking in the attention.
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Wow. While I don't have any special needs children, I really do feel for you and send best wishes your way. I think you already must be Super Mom to be able to make it through even the first day of having a special needs child. I hope all turns out well and that some of that weight is able to be lifted off your shoulders!