Ask:
I know this post doesn't really belong here but because we all deal with making choices about money and the with special needs children, it seems that I will buy anything for DS while neglecting everything else.
So, There are a few things that I want to buy, a horse that is a great deal, a timeshare at Disney is really the two things now. But being a SAHM made me realize that when I was working we never even thought about money. If I wanted something I bought it, not thoughts, even big ticket items. I paid all my own bills and Hunter's also. Now, I haven't had any income in a few months and I find money is going fast from my savings.
It was a hard realization last evening that I don't have income any longer. That my job is being the program director, aide, teacher, maid, cook, whench, laundress and all for no pay.
I miss being able to buy anything I wanted. I had to sit down with DH to discuss the horse and even now the DVC.
I love being home with Hunter and I know his improvement is because I have totally dedicated myself to his program..yet I have regrets.
Just ranting, April
Answer:
Feel free to rant!!! I can see how it would be difficult! (Though, I work and I still can't buy alot!)
Answer:
What timing! Your post came as I was stressing while paying bills. Not enough money! I was actually on the phone and checking here while on hold. Type A personality, you know...
Anyway, yeah, I hate it when reality hits. It's my credit lines that are getting used up and I'm getting so stressed about it. DD got so sick that I was forced to pay my credit cards late, something I never do. Today I was catching up, but I'm stressing out. What next! I don't even have time or energy to sell anything on ebay to make money. I have been staying up all night just to get things done. Last night, I did go to bed at 3 after I got a pile done, but still have sooooo much more. No wonder I'm short tempered. I don't know how I'm going to fill a $300 hole. grrrr.
Answer:
Originally Posted by tacoma_ranch
I know this post doesn't really belong here but because we all deal with making choices about money and the with special needs children, it seems that I will buy anything for DS while neglecting everything else.
So, There are a few things that I want to buy, a horse that is a great deal, a timeshare at Disney is really the two things now. But being a SAHM made me realize that when I was working we never even thought about money. If I wanted something I bought it, not thoughts, even big ticket items. I paid all my own bills and Hunter's also. Now, I haven't had any income in a few months and I find money is going fast from my savings.
It was a hard realization last evening that I don't have income any longer. That my job is being the program director, aide, teacher, maid, cook, whench, laundress and all for no pay.
I miss being able to buy anything I wanted. I had to sit down with DH to discuss the horse and even now the DVC.
I love being home with Hunter and I know his improvement is because I have totally dedicated myself to his program..yet I have regrets.
Just ranting, April
I am in the same place, In two weeks I will be a stay at home mom after 14 years. While I can't afford a time share at disney or even take my son to disney right now. We never worried about paying bills. I started shopping for Christmas today to hit the sales. I realized with 2 kids into electronics, I may have wanted to wait to leave my job. Just remember that Hunter will just love having you home. I have a mama's boy and he doesn't care what we do together. I know I spoil mine too. He is so polite when he asks that it is hard to say no.
How old is your son? Maybe I have some game or craft ideas for you, Right now we are making feather Christmas Trees. I saw them in a boutique and said we can do that!
Don't have regrets either! I told an older gentleman friend of mine how I was unsure of the decision I made. This is what he told me," Mitzi, You have all your life to work, how long, how many moments are you going to have with your children before they are grown?" I put in my notice that day. I wish my ds would have been diagnosed sooner. I wish I would have made this decision earlier. Hey let's get use to this SAHM thing together.
Because it is so not me.
Take care,
Mitzi
Answer:
The more I thought about this I came to realize the problem isn't the lack of money and having to make decisions with my husband about where we spend or what I want to spend it on. But rather it is how much I tied my self esteem into my earning power. I felt a better person because I could earn almost as much as DH. I freelanced bookkeeping and also worked FT. I felt good about being a productive person in society and about myself.
Now, I just hate that I have no income and I won't for at least 3 years. I have to come to terms with the person who I am on a core level rather than who I am based on what I can earn.
Thanks for the support, April
Answer:
But you ARE still a productive person, April. Just look at the little human you produced and the strides you've made with him. It doesn't show up on your bank account, no, but I know when you're 65 you won't look back and say, "I should have worked for money." Been there, done that, huh? I think our problem is isolation and lack of spousal support. I know my dh makes me feel like I do nothing. I'm literally with the baby 24 hrs a day. Even now, she's sleeping and I'm on the computer, but I'm on call! It's hard when you aren't around uplifting friends, out laughing, etc. The ones closest to you take you for granted. It should be that way with the kids at this age, but the husbands, not so...
Answer:
Thank you Carol. I sure do appreciate that you know exactly what I am speaking about especially when felling like I am an alien. You are the very best and I am so happy to be able to know you.
April
Answer:
Oh God April dont think like that, you so are a productive member of society, Hunters difficuties or not.
If you want some idea of your monitory (sp) work I did read somewhere that even a DH with a well paid job couldnt pay for the household services, Nanny, Cook, Financier, Nurse etc what you do for free as just part of being a Mom
OK so this is part of the sacrifices we Moms have to make sometimes, its part of this societies thinking that only values paid work. We all need to get out of that kind of thinking.
I know its tough losing your economic independence but it is only for a short time, and that time will fly by.
Hunter will be glad of you at home and you will be glad you spent that time with him I promise
Big Hugs
Anne
Answer:
Thank you Anne, it sounds like you are a person who has been there. I am trying hard to come to grips with how I feel about myself and where my values are right now. I know what I do at home is important but most folks don't think so. I am lucky that where I live being a mom is the most respected job on earth.
Today DS went to his first Gymnastics class and did well. I didn't tell anyone he was autistic and he did ok, not great but ok.
To my surprise I had reminded DH several times during the week and he didn't leave a check so I paid for it from my account which is getting lower.
It is just frustrating. But thanks AGain! April
Answer:
April I have the exact opposite feelings. I feel guilty for having to work. Most people who finally understand all of my DDs issues look at me and ask "And you work?" with that tone in their voice like don't you care for your children? Aren't you willing to stay home and care for them? I especially get it from medical providers and people who provide services for my girls. I just want ot scream at them "If I could afford to stay home don't you think I would?" Then I get the daycare question "Well doesn't daycare expenses kill you?" So then I have to explain that DH & I work opposite shifts so that we don't have to pay daycare. Then 9 times out of 10 I get "Well when did you guys have time to have 4 kids?" Like I really want to debate my sex life with a complete stranger.
Feel proud that you are able to stay home these precious years and care for your son. Will it matter in 20 years what your bank account looks like or what job you held? No all that will matter is that you could stay home and care for your son and hopefully teach a few how to be more tolerant of someone who is different.