Ask:
It seems like the battles are getting worse. Having a teenager and a Autistic child is not a good mix. My dd knows just what buttons to push to get my son angry. She can not ask him or tell him anything without being bossy. Then he overreacts and has a melt down. Then it can take him all day to get over it.
Just now there was a shouting match upstairs. He was helping her find something and opened a drawer that she didn't want opened. Well, She yelled, he freaked, She yelled louder then he destroyed her hanging beaded curtain.
Since my dd says that always take his side ( I don't she just thinks that ) I told him that he will have to do chores to earn money to buy a new one. It really can't be replaced since it was bought for Valentine's in pink and red. But, I thought he needed to learn that he can not destroy another person's property.
Well, He started crying calling himself a freak. He does this after he loses control and is left with the aftermath of his anger. Then he said to me " Well I wanted to pop her head off with my two hands, But I chose that beaded thing instead."
In a way I understood what he meant. At the moment everything is a big deal to her and the world should stop to accommidate her.
My ds use to get angry all the time even at school. Now he has gotten it under control except for his sister. I blame both of them. I try to tell her that sometimes he can't handle his anger if you get him to a certain point. She sees it as a game now. It's to the point that I can only handle one kid at a time. I have so much fun with them one on one. But together they are a nightmare. They use to get along great. I would even find them in the same bed snuggling. Is it the teenage thing ? the autism thing ?or their ages dd 14 ds almost 10 ? I need a break from both of them!!! Anyone else have sibling issues?
Answer:
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Since I've started putting my son in therapy, and reading/gathering so much more information, I've started believing in therapy strongly with a GOOD therapist. Have you considered doing this? My husband's EAP plan pays in full so so many sessions, then my insurance kicks in with the $20 copay. It could be worth it. It will help him work through the anger issues, (which are to be expected with autistics - they get so frustrated when they can't get their points across and/or are misunderstood, which is where speech therapy comes in - ds is just starting both types of therapy, and I wish I'd known earlier that it would be needed. Kids love to tease each other in families, but I have a no tolerance policy for the meaness. The older one knows better, but is probably lashing out because of a need for more attention, or just because of the age. In my recent research, I've learned that family therapy/counseling is so important in a Special Needs family, if simply to understand the Special Needs and coping with all the inherent issues. The therapist I'm working with can do women's issues, Aspergers and family counseling, or so her info says. We'll see if she can really do it all. I'm cautiously optimistic.
Answer:
I am so sorry the kids are giving you such a hard time. I think you are right, they know when to push and push they do. I wonder why life has to be so hard at times? I regret that I don't have any solid information that will help you other than I feel you did the right thing have DS pay to replace the curtain. It teaches more about responsiblity and accountabliltiy in the real world and about anger and control.
I use redirect a lot in our home. If Hunter is being disruptive inside we go outside. If he has too much energy we bounce on the tramp to burn it off. I swim with him at least once a day in very warm water. I just try everything. I have worked hard on giving anger a name so he can talk to me about being mad.
It is just what I have tried that works for us. I hope you can have a better day. We have all had those days before and they are just hard. Big hugs to you and Boo!
April