Ask:
My husband and I are working on tackling his massive pre-marriage debt. It's bad, and we are doing the best we can. We are going to list our bills for the next two months, then get a financial planner in January to help us out.
Here's my question: How do other couples "deal with" couples who are NOT watching their finances. Our friends always seem to have money to spend. They invite us to their house, cook a whole lot of food, and I walk away after a fun night feeling guilty that we can't afford to recipricate.
How do you handle the invitations to dinner and other things - things that we just can't afford right now? I don't want to be rude, nor do I want pity from our friends. We just have to watch every penny right now.
Any suggestions?
Answer:
Good for you for trying to get a handle on your finances. It's not an easy task! Please try to not worry about keeping up with the Joneses - it's not worth your money, your time or your effort. If people are really your friends, they'll want the best for you and won't care if you just can't do the expensive stuff right now. How about inviting friends over for a brunch - eggs and pancakes are pretty cheap to make. Even just inviting people over for cards to play games or watch movies and provide a few snacks for the evening. You could even suggest pot-luck kind of evenings where everyone brings one course or a part of the dinner so no one has the full burden. These kind of evenings are often a lot of more fun because everyone participates in the preparation and the fun. There's lots of good money saving advice on the boards here so check it out! Good luck!
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It's tough. Sometimes you have to turn down an invite or suggest something a little different that fits better into your budget. I think true friends understand, though. In my group of friends we've all been up and down in our finances and we just try to respect each other and not suggest something we know the others can't afford. And there's lots of ways to do nice meals at a lower cost. Hang in there!
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Hello. I know hoe you feel. after being in miltary life for so long I found that alot of people host dinners that they really can't afford. just to have friends around. I change things up some. and started doing things that was cheap for everyone. and in the long run I was able to help them with their spending. Keep up the good work.
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Just because they host these big parties doesn't mean they are any better off financially than you. they could be in debt over their heads and just not willing or able to face it like you are willing to do. I simply just say "We can't afford going out right now. How about getting together for cards." or maybe suggest going to a cheap movie theater instead of regular movie theater. It's hard and don't let others bring you down for not going out. Your real friends wil understand. Believe me I understand, BIL was getting married out of state and dh wasn't working. we couldn't afford to go to the wedding. we figured a way for dh to go alone and he stayed only for 24 hours. some people couldn't believe we all didn't come but the financial survival of my family has to come first. the brides family was spare also. My BIL ended up paying for is IL's, airfair and lodging. It's hard but your family will be better off in the long run. good luck we're here for support.
allgirls
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Why not reciprocate with a "Make your Own Pizza" night or make pasta? You don't have to do the type of dinners they do to be able to reciprocate. Make pizza dough with your bread maker and get tons of toppings - lay it all out and everyone makes their own...Sounds like something Racheal Ray would do - which makes it even more "cool"!! Then play cards for the evening. Sounds like a great night to me!!
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I had a friend that when she lived in the area- at least once a month we would go over- she would have a wide spread. When she moved out of town I found out that after her dinner parties- she would have to borrow money from her mom for groceries later that week! I used to feel guilty- cause it was likes Martha Stewart's dinner party and if they came to our house- we would have vegies, chips and dips, then have hot dogs or burgers for our main dish. WHen we had them over- I did not buy anything special, just used what we had a lot of- we even had them over for chili leftovers one time.
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Congratulations big time on getting your financial head on. Well done its a difficult thing to fact and action but so so worthwhile.
You dont have to to a full on dinner party to reciprocate hospitality and your real friends would be happy to see you both with just snacks.
I have and sometimes do complete dinner parties but the thing that goes down the best each month is when (there are six close girlfriends) we get together in each others homes alternatives for supper. There is one major rule, no competitions regarding catering, you do only a main course and either salad and garlic bread. You do it out of mince beef etc. ie chili, pasta, or chicken if your flush. The guests bring the wine, or whatever to drink, its all done on a budget and no one feels left out. Light candles and plonk a few flowers in a vase and thats your entertaining done. Th is works perfectly for a "girls chat supper" Watching a Rugby Match (just up the food quantities but its still a one plate number!!)
You dont have to buy friends to keep them and cheap and cheerful can be good too
Big you are doing well
Anne
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Maybe your friends are struggling too, but have not said anything.
Why not have a wine and cheese party? Everyone can bring a bottle, some cheese, you get crackers and maybe one of those summer sausages, and there ya go! Sounds like an expensive little party, but if everyone brings something, it is not.
Or have a cookie baking party with the holidays coming, and let everyone swap.
You could do one of those progressiv dinner parties, start at so and sos for an apetizer, go to the next house for bread and salad, then the next for the main couse.
Have a taco, pizza, or baked potato party. Everyone brings a topping.
Good for you for wanting to get rid of all this debt and taking steps to do so!
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We have "dug" a hole for ourselves doing these very things... throwing big ol' parties (costing several hundred dollars each) with matching this and matching that and a feast to feed an army. And now we are trying to dig back out and it is hard. DH was invited out for beers with some friends last weekend and we actually had to tell them no! The thing with "going out for a beer" is that one guy will pick up the bill for a round, then you are expected to do the same. We just can't afford it right now. So, what the other ladies have said is true. Just because someone is throwing a huge bash doesn't mean they can afford it either! Perhaps it just hasn't quite caught up with them yet. But it will.
Kelly